He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Boak

A tattoo doesn't make someone look chavvy.
If someone wants a tattoo and someone else wants to contribute toward the cost, that's fine.
It's the rest of the relationship that's problematic.

I'd be fucking raging!

responding with (faux) outrage, calculated to get the OP to have an abortion and break up with her partner

No-one needed to pretend outrage and no-one"s response was calculated. .....it was spontaneous.

They'd rather the op (or any woman) was away from a man like this, not tied to him.
(Let alone a vulnerable one with a MH condition and family estrangement).

Personally I asked how pregnant the op is in the hope that it would be early days .... It's not, so I said nothing further about that.
I guess she's stuck with this fucker as the father of her first child, but that doesn't mean she has to stay in a relationship with him. She'd be better to get out and, if she has any further kids, have them with someone else and try to find a better partner.

Anyway, yours is as misogynist a post as I've seen on here.

Sorry, are we reading the same replies? The vast majority think he’s a repulsive, illiterate creep. There’s nothing to laugh off, he is vile.

really sympathise with your mental health issues but this man is
horrendous for you.

What you do with this pregnancy is one issue, but he is going to be horrific as a partner and a father and you have no protection / security as you’re not married.

It’s hard to imagine how the situation could be worse if you stay with him. Get out now whilst you can and please set your standards higher in future.

you deserve so much more than this cretinous ballbag.

@Plmnki, did you misread the OP's post? She said 'the vast majority of women wouldn't just laugh this off'.

Ah, OP, I'm so sorry to hear your update. Do you have other support, apart from your family? A MH nurse? I hope so.

I advise you to speak to someone about your options.

You deserve a lot better than your h. So does your baby.

Please please consider this pregnancy, you have this baby and you will never be free of this man. You sound so lovely and intelligent. Please take time for you, time to get as well as you can before you start another relationship ( i doubt you will ever be well with this man in your life) and before becoming a mother. You have to be as strong as you can be to raise a child, it is only fair to them. I wish you all the best for the future, i hope it is full of peace and contentment x

Yuck

what age is your boyfriend, sixteen? The conversation looks like two 16-year-olds conversing. Could barely make out the English. Don't know what to advise - get someone who has some maturity maybe.

These loser men more often than not have girlfriends

True - but I tend to find water seeks its own level (i.e they tend to shack up with their female equivalents.)

Not all men are misogynists and I don’t think it’s accurate to suggest most men would respond in this manner. Believing that is what keeps so many women’s standards in hell.

Also it’s heavily implied that he is a cheater.

I think there a quite a lot of men who hate this shit too, but don't feel they can call it out. They should.

There is a great wisdom in the saying "tell me who your friends are and I will tell who you are". No, I would not find it funny. But also I would not under any circumstances snoop on someone else's phone. So there is an opportunity for you to reflect on your own actions and how you may have attracted this specimen for a partner. If you demand respect, you need to show respect.

You clearly have low standards and that's fine, everyone needs to make their own choices. I personally refused to accept a low quality, immature partner and I am lucky enough to be with someone amazing. Who you apparently know better than I do, despite the fact that I'm the one that's been with him for 26 years.

Yes, there are men who would respond in this way, they are not the men I would ever choose for myself. And OP clearly has an issue with it too. How strange for you to say that it's just banter and that's what men are like, it seems you know her partner better than she does too. Amazing insight you have into all these men you have never met. How could you possibly know that his behaviour is completely harmless and that it's a joke and not indicative of who he is when he's out with his friends. There are decent men out there and if OP wants more for herself good for her.

They have the morals of an alley cat.

OP, you've been with him for two years and you're not sure who he is. That's a huge red flag. I think you know you're settling for less than you deserve with this guy. You've got a baby coming and you're bipolar, and estranged from your family. You've got enough on your plate. Do you really want to spend the next seven months, the next 18 years, whatever it is, wondering if you can trust this man? Questioning every little thing, arguing over things that should be a no-brainer? Do you really want all of that taking up space in your head? It seems like a waste of your energy, to be honest. Give it to something that gives you more back, would be my advice.

This guy is your boyfriend of two years and the father of your child - and he tried to convince you he shouldn't have to delete a naked picture of another woman from his phone. He's taking money from you to treat himself (the tattoo) instead of treating you, the mother of his child, or putting that money towards the baby. A good man would be thinking about what he could do to provide for you - not taking your money to go get tatted and letch at yet another woman. You're such a low priority in his life that his friends don't even know for sure if you're together. He invalidates your concerns and belittles your feelings every time he does something like this - but still, still, your gut is telling you something's wrong.

If it's coming through this strongly, despite the way he treats you, I'd trust your instincts, OP. He's no good and you deserve better. Listen to your gut.

Sounds like a total bell end
I would be absolutely furious 😠
Banter or no banter

Grim

I dumped a guy last year over this "most people" bullshit. I dont care what most people would do. I know what I FEEL and thats my standard that i will be keeping thanks

I don't understand the "abbreviations". It is lewd but it is just banter. Being pregnant changes the way you see things. You want things wholesome and want to feel protected. Seems like he's just keeping his friend happy here. I bet you've said things to mates about a guy.

My biggest problem is that he appears to be semi literate.

I mean, you know what kind of 'man' you've got there, I really can't believe this is the first time this sort of comment has surfaced.

He's clinging to the age where this sort of joke was more popular (still not okay, of course) and you're going to be the poor soul who has to try to drag him kicking and screaming into adulthood. You'll be the old ball and chain that he blames for not having any fun anymore, etc. I'm sorry.

Not like that

She wants' to feel respected

He won't do that

This is exactly my thoughts!