He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Oh OP, so sorry to read this.
Please do not compound your challenges with a pregnancy with a pig.
You deserve so much better.
Children are hard work at times.
Children with a pig is hellish.

Please don't do this to yourself.

On principal no, but there's obviously something making you uneasy.
The more you divulge the worse this sounds.

I wouldn't laugh it off. I'd be livid. It's not only disrespectful to you but disrespectful to all women. And it's not funny. And not all men banter like that.

As for the photo and the reluctance, just no.

I'd be seriously reconsidering absolutely every element of this relationship.

It does sound as if 'getting a blowy' is a particular thing for which he is applauded and admired by his associates.
And the 'you'd be doing the sucking' comment heavily suggests that he regards sex as a service which women provide for men (and not vice versa).

Both men are absolutely out of order but to the many on here that thinks being illiterate is a suitable slur and wonder why in a developed country there is shame around it. I’ll leave this here.

northwestbylines.co.uk/news/education/over-half-of-uk-prisoners-cannot-read/

Funny way to make your point, equating illiterate with criminal.

Yes it's banter but he sounds like an illiterate 12 yr old

@HipToTheHopDontStop

Lots of criminals have poor literacy and decreased opportunities. Not all people with poor literacy are criminals and thrive despite their challenges.

Poor literacy should never be used as a slur and in a country such as ours should shame us all that the rates are so high.

As someone who taught literacy in UK and Irish prisons for years, there’s a significant correlation between low literacy and certain kinds of crime.

There was a big survey in Irish prisons a few years ago that showed a strong link between violent offenders, property crime offenders and very low levels of literacy. Inmates inside for drug offences and sexual crimes had far higher literacy levels.

Paying for someone to get a tattoo so they can look chavvy when out and about is NOT a good gift.

He immediately said 'oh shit sorry I didn't know that was still there' I said can you delete it please and he refused. He did eventually delete it after an argument.

Shit behaviour too.

I'd like to see him if you refused to delete intimate pics of an ex.

Would that be "different for men" too.

What isn't different for men, what doesn't he have double standards about?

His resistance to deleting it goes to show how he views women and relationships - his right to retain that explicit photo of his ex (to a trophy of his ex and to perhaps use it for his wank bank) is way above your rights.
As a woman, you should put up and shut up/he should do what he wants and you can just take it.

He wouldn't be just taking it if you had explicit pics of your ex and resisted deleted them though, would he?
He wouldn't be laughing at you joking about cheating on him either.

He's very arrogant, very disrespectful, very selfish.

Who could be arsed fighting this guy constantly for decent treatment.

He's also a gas lighter "most women would laugh" ....laugh about her partner joking about cheating on her? Would they, fuck.

What a helpful contribution 🙄

He's a massive prick.

That is completely incorrect and irrelevant.

Yeah, now that you point that out, it sounds like a running joke; based on him boasting about getting blow jobs off women.

So he goes around boasting about about blow job he's gotten to his mates too. Otherwise how would they know.

He's sleazy and pathetic.

I personally wouldn't be offended by the content but I'd not be having a baby with someone who wrote like that

I might be able to find some sympathy for a man who is illiterate, but I wouldn't marry or have children with him.

A man who has been through the UK education system (even if he attended shit schools) and cannot write a full sentence without spelling or grammatical errors, is inadequate and unlikely to be attractive to most women.

He is unlikely to be able to secure the kind of employment that would adequately support a family, assuming he could get a job of any kind.

The OP has a good standard of literacy (evidenced by her posts). What kind of life can she expect to lead with a man who probably can't provide for his family (or pay for his own tattoos)? He is probably incapable of improving his mind by reading or engaging in anything other than puerile conversation.

I would rather be alone.

Plenty of people have dyslexia and other cognitive learning difficulties which impact their literacy. I wouldn’t say those people are ‘inadequate’ or ‘unattractive’. I certainly don’t think I’m better than them.

Some people just use text speak even if they are capable of using normal English - I’ve known people who were averagely intelligent who were barely recognisable by text. For me it is the content of the message which matters more, plus the naked picture he did not want to delete.

He sounds foul. I would not be a with a man like this one.

You wouldn't know. Ditto for the vast majority of people responding with (faux) outrage, calculated to get the OP to have an abortion and break up with her partner. Which is an extremely nasty thing to do, btw.

Many men, a very large percentage in fact, would respond to this kind of banter with a laugh. I've seen some extremely respectful and loyal men respond in this fashion.

This is about one friend going "wink wink, that woman you're dealing with now, it's probably something more, wink wink". And the other person responding in kind, tongue in cheek, "sure, I'm a stud, everyone wants a piece of me..."

Disrespectful on paper and devoid of context and tone? Sure. But quite harmless in the moment.

There is banter and then there is this. Suggesting to his friend he might get a blowjob off a complete stranger is pathetic and disgusting.

@6thNight Are you a bloke?
It's not faux outrage, it's not harmless. It's a fucking grim way to speak single or not.

Assuming he hasn't had previous with the tattoo artist. Either way he's a pig and op should get rid of him.

Ironic that this poster accuses those who suggest the OP leaves this man as being ‘extremely nasty’. However they are normalising and minimising disrespectful and shady behaviour, which is very harmful - to the OP and to anyone else reading who may now be doubting the validity of their feelings if they’ve experienced similar.

Your friends are a reflection on you and your character. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my DH having a friend who suggests he gets a ‘blowy’ from anyone. Equally, I wouldn’t tolerate my DH having naked pictures of a woman on his phone, and then having the audacity to refuse to delete. It’s misogynistic and disrespectful, people need to raise their standards.

Childish and chavvy... massive ick!

Out of curiosity are you from Liverpool? The words used sound very familiar to me 😂 like most men I know say bird, drives me mad