He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

The 'cheating' aspect of this is a red herring.

This man is a misogynist.

Your future daughter will be very much affected by that.

So will a son, but in a very different way.

My parents were great. 40 year marriage, still going strong, both hard working, respectful etc. My dad would never, ever have dreamed of this and my mum would certainly not have put up with it if he did. I would be embarrassed to even tell them about this as I know they would question my choices (probably rightfully so).

This is really interesting op. So, why do you think you didn't say 'no thanks, I'm worth more than this' at the first sign?

What happened do you think? Why did you not aim for what they have?

Indeed. And not calling them out on it is the problem. Its circular.

There are better men than him out there. Is this the man you want to be your child’s father?

@TheFairSheep Your parents sound great, would they support you if you decide to leave this troglodyte? I am sure they would want more for you than this. Please value yourself and don’t drop anchor here.

I think you should get in touch with the tattoo artist and show her the messages and then book him in for another tattoo, this time on his back so that he can't see what she is doing.

The tattoo lady could then substitute the ink for a sharpie and write in his back -

'Dirty bastard' or some other apt phrase.

Then when he sees it in the mirror you appear and take a photo whilst he starts crying before he realises it will actually wash off.

Honestly? No...never! I have more respect for myself and others! 🤦‍♀️

Lol

Maybe she did aim for it. There are a lot of disappointing men out there unfortunately and they don’t always show their true colours straight away.

On not in.

The illiteracy is catching!

I wouldn't share a lift with someone that talked about me like this let alone a child.

It doesn't take 2 years to reveal you're a disgusting misogynist. Look how he talks to her. That won't be a new thing.

Quite. You can end an early pregnancy and lose this twat

I am not defending the prick but the fact that you are pregnant is probably making it feel worse. It is horrible and it would probably not be seen as banter if it was the other way around. If I was the tattooist and saw that I would have taken revenge 😂

You're not wrong that it's a horrible thing to have to consider @penelopelondon . I am feeling so so sorry for the op right now. She has a horrible decision to make right now.

I saw something similar on my partner’s phone 3 years ago. I chose to stay after a lot of begging and grovelling, but he’s STILL paying for it 3 years later, and knows that he will continue to pay for it for as long as I decide. And if I ever find something like this again, that’s it.
You have to be firm with men. Never, ever loosen the reins and never, ever let them feel too secure.

He is wrong most women wouldn't just laugh. It's disrespectful and vile.

I think the answer to this is far too complicated to really delve into in a mumsnet post, however the crux of it is I have bipolar disorder which has unfortunately resulted in not a total estrangement from my family, but a definite disconnect. True mania can be very very difficult for families to deal with, particularly when it is undiagnosed and therefore unmedicated/untreated and very misunderstood.

I have been diagnosed for years now, on medication and fully engaged with the mental health team. It has however (I fear permananetly) affected my relationship with my family. Isolation breeds loneliness and low self esteem which will have no doubt added to 'putting up' with red flag behaviour.

There's obviously more to it but that's the jist.

Which makes this man a very strange choice indeed.

Why have you set your sights so low? Wouldn't you prefer a man more like your father? Maybe someone who could write a sentence, for example.

Does he have qualities you haven't told us about?

What was it about this man that made you think "He's illiterate, ignorant and as thick as pigshit, but I love him and want to have his children".

Please tell, I'm dying to know.

This is boy's humour. You're having a child with a boy. Bloody hell OP, what were you thinking?

Id rethink the pregnancy tbh, as that is massively disrespectful.
After only 2 years and you're pregnant and he speaks about you like that to his friend.

I've met quite a few men who were the perfect gentleman in public and super respectful to women in the begining till their true colours came out in a phone or locker room conversation. Looks like OP is finding this out the hard way. I'm sure there were red flags along the way.

This can work both ways, though. If you grew up in a home where equal, trustworthy relationships were modelled and you were treated with love and respect, you go out into the world expecting and trusting that this is how your adult relationships will be. You aren't wary and you don't see red flags, because why would you? You haven't been exposed to harmful relationships.

It can be a hideous shock.

@TheFairSheep, it probably is a good idea to talk to your parents about this.

** think the answer to this is far too complicated to really delve into in a mumsnet post, however the crux of it is I have bipolar disorder which has unfortunately resulted in not a total estrangement from my family, but a definite disconnect. True mania can be very very difficult for families to deal with, particularly when it is undiagnosed and therefore unmedicated/untreated and very misunderstood.

I have been diagnosed for years now, on medication and fully engaged with the mental health team. It has however (I fear permananetly) affected my relationship with my family. Isolation breeds loneliness and low self esteem which will have no doubt added to 'putting up' with red flag behaviour.

There's obviously more to it but that's the jist.**

Ok. That explains the settling.

OP. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS. SO SO MUCH MORE. BI POLAR DOES NOT BRING YOU DOWN ANYWHERE NEAR HIS LEVEL.

Please dump him. Please. Make a decision to go it alone with the baby or not. I hope your parents will rally for you now.