He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Sorry OP but I agree with this. I'm sorry you are going through this. It doesn't seem your partner is serious about your relationship and is above all -most disrespectful.

Well said. Can't stand laddy banter, would never be with a man who talks like this.

OP I've never given a LTB to anyone online but this guy is really, really immature even for 27. I can guarantee you that he is going to continue a cycle of treating you awfully (I don't mean being nasty, but I mean disrespecting you and looking for any chance to cheat and not be loyal to you) then love bomb you when you want to leave.

This cycle will get progressively worse and worse, you will trust him less and less which he will use an an excuse for his awful behaviour, it will become your fault, and by the time you do finally get out, you will be a shell of your former self with absolutely no self esteem, and will have spent some of the best years of your life, where you should have been able to be happy and have a content life with your child, having them ruined by this areshole instead.

That is just unfortunately the way of things with men who don't respect women and are willing to degrade them and cheat, it us oretty universal. You've provided 2 pieces of empirical evidence that he's like this just on this small snapshot of a thread about your life with him, and I'm sure there are more signs too.

Just please, don't put yourself through this. I've seen so many women around me go through this and I so wish there was some way I could have spared them the hurt and wasted years. You will just never have a Happily Ever After with a man who is happy to cheat and be disloyal. I promise you, you can do better and be happy x

If you're paying for this tattoo ask for a red flag on his forehead.

You can do SO much better OP, have a serious think, you know what you're thinking deep down. Don't put this 'man' on a pedestal

Even his vile friend questioned him if he was still with you, because of your bf's replies. Truly disrespectful.
Bin him. I would reconsider having a child with him. No way I would want him to continue in my life.

I'd say he's one of the last men on earth to be able to say what most women would do as well

This wouldn’t bother me.

I probably wouldn’t laugh it off as I don’t thin k it’s very funny, I just think it’s
childish, the friend especially and something a 14yo would say.

But I wouldn’t be angry about it.

The bigger issue here is you going through his phone.
The messages are nothing compared to that.

If I was you, I would be able to get over the messages.
If I was him, I don’t think I would be able to get over someone going through my private messages.

I do wonder if he will stay with you after this but to be honest it sounds like this relationship isn’t working anyway.
If you wasn’t pregnant then I’d be advising you to end things as life’s too short.

Why are you with this illiterate creep? He is thick and vile and his friend is even worse. Why would you want to have a child with him?

Your posts are reasonably well written, so you are obviously better educated than he is. I might understand if he was a really good and kind person, but nothing you have told us suggests he is.

How is he going to get a decent job and support his family when he can't write a proper sentence?

For all sorts of reasons, this man is not a great catch.

I have to say I've grown up with pretty mysognistic men and one in particular was horrendous but even he wouldn't have exchanged that text with a pregnant partner.

If I won the lottery I'd like to offer money to men like the partner to come forward for a study and I'd look into his upbringing and home life.
Which schools and I'd use him as a study of what is going wrong and how to correct the system.

I did hear on lbc a while ago that there is a charity going into school to teach dc from age 4 to be kind to help stem abusive male behaviour later on.

"I wanted a grown up man to have a family with, not a 'lad'. Lads are not grown ups."

He sounds gross and immature, stuck at 12 growth-wise.

I feel sorry for you tbh, think life will be tricky with such an immature 'lad'.

@Wonderi Your partner sending messages saying he wants to engage in a sexual act with another woman, written in a crude and disgusting manner, wouldn’t bother you?

The same partner keeping naked pictures on his phone of another woman and refusing to delete them also wouldn’t bother you?

On reading some of the responses, I am absolutely hoping that I have brought my daughters up to know their value - all women are worth far far far more than this. It should be a nonnegotiable immediate dump. (Well, I hope most women would have worked it out way before) Seriously, if you think this is ok, get help. Counselling to work out why your bar is so low.

You are wrong. It says ‘of her’ which we know means ‘off her’, the tattoo artist.

For heaven's sake, gather your dignity and leave him.

If I won the lottery I'd like to offer money to men like the partner to come forward for a study and I'd look into his upbringing and home life.

And - the women who accept it.

Why? Just why.

Do you trust him to raise a child to be decent and respectful? He can't even be decent and respectful to you and he doesn't see anything wrong with that. Personally, I would be devastated if my child turned out like that as a man or ended up with someone like that as a woman. It makes me wonder what your own parents were like when you managed to get this far into a relationship without seeing how horrible he is.

How pregnant are you?

I'm sorry OP but I think it would be a terrible idea to continue with this pregnancy. This man will disappoint you and any children over and over and over, it's no life to lead and you don't have to.

does it matter? The question should be: why are you paying for this mans tattoo when he exhibits such a douche and disrespectful behaviour?

My parents were great. 40 year marriage, still going strong, both hard working, respectful etc. My dad would never, ever have dreamed of this and my mum would certainly not have put up with it if he did. I would be embarrassed to even tell them about this as I know they would question my choices (probably rightfully so).

@arethereanyleftatall great swathes of the population talk like this and no one calls them out on it.

Perhaps op grew up with men talking in this way?

I know someone with 4 sons who believes this type of chat is just banter? So she's not going to be a role model to her sons is she?

It does matter @penelopelondon
Because unfortunately this poor child is set to have an absolute pig for a father.

Rethink your pregnancy with this illiterate loser.
You deserve better.

Too right your parents would question you being pregnant by such a tosser.
Life is going to get a LOT harder for you if you inflict this waster on a child.
I feel sorry for your parents.

That's a horrible thing to tell a pregnant woman. She came here for advice regarding a text message conversation, not to seek advice on pregnancy termination.

Obviously it matters. She can get unpregnant as she only 8 weeks.