He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Honestly - what are you doing?

I don’t understand the low low bar so many women seem to have. It’s genuinely upsetting.

So? It was the sentiment that was offensive, it doesn't matter who said what first. You sound like a primary school child 'waah, she said it first!'. You and the poster you were quoting are both wrong. If anything, you are slightly more annoying as I hate when people don't have the gumption to say something until someone else has said it first. Either own your opinion or keep schtum.

Maybe I missed that post?

Or do I need to say: To all who think like this?

Or maybe it's just your lucky day?

I refuse to have any man around me who speaks like that about women. I don't care if 'other women' would laugh. I don't care what other people think of my decisions.

It's no wonder you felt the need to look through his phone - you cannot trust him, and he's a shady character, so you'd be an idiot to trust him.

You could start caring less about what other people think, OP, and think about your own boundaries, and what values you want to have modelled to your children. He might not be the best person to have a child with.

Why do you not want better for yourself?

Same here. I initially thought the friend was asking if the tattoo was going to be a picture of the OP giving him oral sex, which seemed veeeeery weird, then I realised it was supposed to be "blowy off her" boy "blowy of her“.

It's my understanding he wasn't even talking about the op doing the BJ though, but the female tattooist?

Which makes it even worse.

friend: you'll be getting a BJ off her after that (the female tattooist)
OP's dp: I wish
friend: yeah, you're lying - I know you too well

So the friend is basically saying "you'll probs be getting a bj off her afterwards as you're a right dirty shagger and we all know it".

The OP's partner clearly has a reputation.

Added to the fact he doesn't seem to make his relationship/baby on the way public knowledge and the having naked photos of exes etc on his phone it doesnt look good does it.

Sorry, my last post was supposed to be a reply to someone who posted they didn't really understand the messages.

I personally would not laugh, but I can't speak for anyone else, let alone "most women".

You missed off the crucial last line re still with the bird and the response

Yes but she's not here.

There are many many things that I find deeply unattractive and repulsive about that short text exchange.

And no, just to confirm, my partner would not engage in conversations about another woman's attractiveness with another person out of loyalty to me, and he DEFINITELY would never joke about sex acts with another woman, he would know that would be a ridiculous line to cross because he's a grown man with a moral compass.

It's totally disrespectful to the woman who was just doing her job, to be spoken about like that.

It's totally disrespectful to you, saying he is happy to get a BJ from this women, because "your not here" joke or not

Honestly, cut and run, I personally wouldn't have this baby with him, he doesn't respect you, women or your relationship.

It will only get worse especially when you further along in the pregnancy

Yep, it gets worse!

You are only 8 weeks gone, @TheFairSheep - you have choices.

Focus on your career and building up your self esteem would be my advice.

Men like this loser will only drag you down.

If it has been suggested already, I’d ask for your money back luv. He completely disrespected you and objectified the tattoo artist in the process. I’d be fuming!

Hi OP, your update re the pic is very disturbing - both that he had it and didn't want to delete. You must be having an awful time, I hope you're OK. I would echo others that you have a choice to leave him. He sounds like an absolute nightmare with wildly outdated ideas about women and sex.

Same!! It would be over, if that was me. I just had the ick thinking he was talking about op but shit-the-bed it was about the tattooist!

And his mate doesn't even know he's in a relationship & about to be a dad but 'knows what he's like'?

And then how he's followed it up with OP?

Oh fuck no absolutely not, that one would be getting in the sea. What a grotty little creature

From everything you've said about him so far, he's a piece of shit.
I can promise you that if he hasn't already cheated on you, he will one day.

In the bin.

Immediately.

Wouldnt really bother me. Its stupid and childish and very presumptive.

Oh. My. God. That this isn't 100% LTB.

Vile. Illiterate. Dismissive. Disrespectful. Sounds like he would cheat given the opportunity. Beyond dim.

Why? Why why why do some women think this is better than being single?

The chat about the BJ wouldnt bother me so much, but yeh naked pics is totally unacceptable. I agree with pther posters....bin him!

Yes it’s the mate that’s the utter dickhead but the bf isn’t shutting him up. Pathetic

As the great Maya Angelou said, ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.’

Ew. Disgusting

Typical "banter" excuse. Which just means they think women are only good for some kind of sex. That's it. Apparently we should find it funny. Until men realise they are part of the problem in how they over sexualise women and contribute to the rape culture and confront this "banter" nothing will change for women.

These are the type of men who say "not all men" but it is men who accept their mates talking about women like this that are contributing to the problem.

He is the company he keeps. This is how he talks about women with his mates. Vile.

Not being funny, but why wouldn’t you be bothered by being with a stupid & childish man?