He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Grim, disrespectful, illiterate and his friend doesn't even know your name, it doesn't bode well for a long, happy relationship. P,us with a baby on the way I would think that money had better uses. I would be rethinking my life if I were you.

As an aside obviously op isn't married what could op do now to stop this man having more influence in her dc life should she want that?so for instance keeping her own surname for baby and not having him on the birth certificate? I'm sure I've read of technicality that can help later but I'm not sure.

These sort of threads make me weep for young women.
From her post the op seems reasonable intelligent and literate; but the best man she can find to have sex and start a family with is this yobbish oaf 🤮.
Is this really typical of young men? I imagine we won’t have to worry about climate change in the future as the population will have died out. What woman in her right mind wants sex with a specimen like this.

Is that even English? But then I don’t speak Neanderthal.

Thanks for all the replies, seems the vast majority of women wouldn't just laugh this off with an 'ah he's just being a lad'. For context he's almost 27 and we've been together about 2 years. I'm only about 8 weeks so not unreasonable to think he hasn't told this friend I'm pregnant yet, but I know he has told some of his friends so I'm not sure about that one. I have never personally met this friend.

Bless you op.
But the ino u

Comment?

I'd be reading him the riot act, I'd be laying down behavior and talk about expectations to raise civilised and respectful children modelled by their parents.

Oh that is so depressing.

He has absolutely no respect for you.

I dread to think what he and his pals get up to when they are out together if that's how they talk about women The fact his friend doesn't even know your name,know if you and he are together, and presumably doesn't know you are pregnant suggests he obviously doesn't talk about you and generally behaves like a single man on the look out for casual sex.

I agree on principal I shouldn't have looked through his phone. A few things have happened recently that have made me feel a bit uneasy - for example he was showing me some old photos/videos on his phone, we were laughing, he scrolled to the next one which was a very illicit naked photo of someone from just before we met. He immediately said 'oh shit sorry I didn't know that was still there' I said can you delete it please and he refused. He did eventually delete it after an argument.

Are you okay with him telling his friends about your pregnancy at such an early stage?

I really hope he’s able to develop some maturity before baby is born.

I’m sure some will disagree, but at only 8 weeks pregnant, I wouldn’t be going ahead with the pregnancy, lumbering a child with this man as a father and tying myself to him for at least 18 years.

And when he later said to the OP, "You'd be the one doing the sucking" (if it was the other way round), that was super respectful, was it?

Sometimes snooping tells you what sort of person you're with. He would still be that sort of person if she hadn't snooped. She would just be blissfully unaware of it (for now). Although I suspect that if she was snooping it's because there have been other red flags.

Bloody hell i hope you have thrown him back. Where is your self respect?

I think some people would be really shocked if they saw/heard what others - dc, partners, siblings, friends - who they think they know well, sometimes say to a different audience! A lot of it will be about fitting in with a friendship group and not attracting derision. No way of knowing for definite whether the op’s bf was genuinely being as grim as that sounds or just indulging his friend in throwaway banter. It’s just so unlikely that he was ever going to reply ‘hang on a minute, mate, that’s really disrespectful..’ in those circumstances.

You've known him & his friends for 2yrs.

Is is honestly a surprise that he speaks with his friends like this?

I think this man isn't the one for you.

Just a feeling I have.

Stupid male banter. And the person texting seems a bit thick.

What is he like the rest of the time with you? Is he respectful?

If I were you I'd be getting unpregnant quickly and very far away from this loser.

You're going to back here in no time complaining that he's out drinking and shagging while you do everything for the baby, guaranteed.

I'd not be giving a blowy to anyone who mangles the English language like that, let alone be having a baby with them. I have standards and that falls well beneath them.

That actually bothers me far more than their choice of 'banter.'

In the overall picture of this thread it is clear that he isn't yet mature enough to settle down as a good father. If you had asked "is it a good idea for us to have children?" I guarantee a 100% response "maybe one day if things change, but definitely not yet". But that's not where you are starting from, and that is the real tragedy.

He isn't partner or parent material, the 2 events that you describe are not normal, but I don't know what to say about your position, words fail me.

Good job she did.

He's not even trying to pretend he respects you.

Is that the model of a father you want for your child on a daily basis?

Bin him. He sees you as a sexual slave to the desires of men.

Given OP's update about him keeping explicit nude photos of his ex and refusing to delete them until pressured to do so I think it's safe to say he is not respectful of OP and obviously not respectful of monogamy.

Was your pregnancy planned?

The one that messaged him knows him very well as he himself stated.

Don't you think it's strange that you have never met him in two years?

I'm guessing it's because your repulsive oaf of a boyfriend doesn't want you to meet him and discover his (boyfriend) true personality which is a total douchebag.

Unfortunately I agree with this.

Being saddled with this thick disrespectful loser as father to your children will be horrible.