He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Urgh. Did neither of them go to school? Being illiterate is so fucking offputting.

And yes, they are vile.

Hi, he was definitely talking about getting oral from the tattooist and then when asked if he was still with me said 'yeah but she's not here'. Feels disloyal.

I'm going to go against the grain and say it was harmless banter. Men do that sometimes, and I'm sure some women do it too. A giggle about something forbidden. Puerile perhaps, but really no harm done.

Had he said that to the OP, that would have been showing disrespect. But he didn't. He bantered with his friend. The OP shouldn't have snooped.

Does he not think women get oral sex?

I honestly haven't seen/heard views like that since I was 14. Absolutely stunned that a grown man with a pregnant partner would think this way. So fucking depressing.

Disgusting and vile, but I wouldn't expect better from someone with such a poor grasp of language. Poor love probably doesn't have the brain cells to think of any better conversation topics.

He's absolutely in the wrong though.

I feel sorry for the tattoo artist, having these two assume she's offering sexual services after the tattoo.

Well, you can now tell him you've asked over 1200 women and 93% were appalled by it. The majority didn't laugh at all.

Agreed. She must be a talented artist to do the job she does, and this is how she's being discussed just because she is a women.

I'm guessing you haven't been with him long and the pregnancy wasn't planned, OP? You say you live together but not how long you've been together, and this behaviour seems to have come as a surprise to you, even though it's obviously standard for him. It comes across as if you don't really know him. Especially the fact that you can't gauge his tone for yourself and are having to ask strangers on the internet about it instead.

You say you're living together. Is this him living with you, or you living with him? You say you bought him the tattoo, but it's not a birthday present, just a 'gift'. Is there a big difference in your finances? It comes across as if you're trying to keep him sweet so he'll stay with you and the baby, OP. A lot of people reading this are going to think that he doesn't respect you (and is willing to gaslight you over it) because this baby wasn't planned, and he's just a cocklodger who is using you. And you're putting up with it because you desperately want to keep him around for the baby.

I'm not judging you for that last part, by the way. It would be an understandable feeling. But I question if it's actually worth it in this situation. You might find it's less stressful to go it alone and focus solely on baby, than to waste your time and energy trying to make this man something he's not. I agree with the other posters that is probably is "just banter" for him - but it's banter that reflects his derogatory view of women, and tells you the people he surrounds himself with have similar views.

I'd run a mile, if it was me.

No that's not just banter, he's disgusting. The fact his friend asked him if he was still with you makes me think that's he's not serious about you and has told his friends this. I mean you're having a baby right? Why would his mates ask if he's still with you? And the 'She's not here' response, that tells you everything you need to know about him. Would you honestly trust him to be faithful if he had the opportunity to cheat? Only you know whether this is a complete joke and the thought would be unthinkable to him. The fact you're asking here though makes me think this is not the case.

The messages read like something from the 1970s. Casual misogyny.

Hope you are ok Op.

U w ya bird still

is that how they actually talk 🤣 that would be enough for me to have the ick

also if your pregnant is it not a serious long term relationship! And his friend is asking if you’re still even together ?

He knew that anyway though, didn't he.

He was just hoping the op was stupid/gullible/desperate enough to believe his claim.

Probably because he thinks women are stupid.

(As well as being people who offer sex acts that they don't get an orgasm out of, to complete strangers (while probably not even being single)).

Ino u to well

has to be the biggest ick I have ever had in my life 😳😳😳😳

Absolutely cringing for you.

If I saw that on my teen DS phone I would think it was appalling and definitely wouldn't be laughing. I would be giving him a lecture on respect and misogyny. I can't believe that a grown man in a committed relationship has written this. If you have a girl, when she grows up would he be happy about another man talking like that about her when she is just doing her job?

From the tattooist?

The are you still with the bird sound like friend doesn't even know he's in a fully committed relationship and about to bring a child into this world.
How could his friend not know this? It's a major totally like changing event and he doesn't even know?

I find this completely revolting, everything about it.

Ino u to well

It also means "I know you're a sleaze".

@Puddingrun a girl with a dad like that and his friends, will grow up hearing that kind of talk won't she and similarly for a boy.So unless op can break that cycle or perhaps her friend's and family are actually respectful it's an insight into how these ideas become ingrained.

It sounds like something from the Inbetweeners.

Disrespectful to women and thick. Get rid of him and hope that the baby is nothing like him. Poor kid having that as a father.

Or stay with him, put up with it, waste you life and let him be a bigger influence on your child than he needs to be. You don’t sound like you have any intention of kicking him out, so good luck, you’ll need it.

How some people live. 🤯

How come?

Sorry I've read it wrong. I thought the friend meant he was deffo getting a blowy of you when the tattoo was done. He's a cheat. Throw him back.

Good luck if you continue this relationship as you're going to need it. Not what I would say will be setting a good example for a child

@Treeinthesky personally at an age when one can become a mother I would feel extremely uncomfortable with the father of my child discussing and laughing about our sex life with friends.