To think car seat safety groups on Facebook are absolutely mental!

[Busby88]

Not sure if many MN members are part of some of the car seat safety groups on Facebook but honestly can’t believe what a mad population they are (and I know MN can also be pretty bonkers!)

Joined for advice on high backed boosters as want to put my almost 5yo in one and all it is is comments about how they should still be rear facing. Seen comments similar aimed at people with almost six year olds looking to forward face.

I completely get the safety aspect and how much safer rear facing is, I really do. And will be rear facing my 4yo as long as possible in my car, but he’s reached the 18kg limit in the seat we have for grandparents to us and it would be nice to just be able to get some advice without just being yelled at for being unsafe.

Honestly can’t believe the negativity and unhelpfulness aimed at people who are even considering forward facing before the age of 6.

I am a person who's child rear-faced way past 4 (small child, 25kg seat, no travel sickness). However I agree the Facebook groups are too extreme. Day to day you see people not using a car seat, not having it properly secured in the car or not having the straps done up anywhere near tight enough so I really can't get upset or judge someone who uses a correctly fitted forward-facing car seat and straps their kid in correctly.

I think they start from good intentions and feeling passionate and wanting to share knowledge with the view to helping other parents and protecting children. They can get toxic quickly though. I posted in one for advice and didn’t admit that I’d bought the 360 version of the ERF car seat instead of the RF only one in case my child gets carsick facing backwards like I do and then I’ve invested hundreds into a car seat I can’t use.

I often feel those groups lack the nuance between less safe and unsafe. Just because something isn’t the safest option doesn’t make it unsafe. I also think they can miss that a child’s car seat is one part of their safety in the car. Avoiding a crash in the first place is the safest for the child, and in some situations on balance a less safe car seat and a happy child is safer than screaming and vomiting continuously in the best car seat on the market.

There’s also a lot of shaming which goes on and many comments along the lines of ‘you can’t put a price on your child’s safety’ when a parent is posting for advice and saying they can’t afford to change the seats they have. The lack of understanding that some people don’t have hundreds of pounds spare and can’t borrow or magic that money up is really frustrating to see.

Mine has just got to the weight limit of her 25kg rear facing seat at nearly 6 and we are going to put her into a high backed booster, the Britax Kidfix was recommended as a good one on a rear facing focused group I'm in. I was tempted to go for a 36kg rear facing seat but she's desperate to forward face. This is something to consider as you would have longer to go, and also whether you could move the rear facing seat into grandparents car when it is needed for now, this is what we do. But it is up to you.

OP absolutely agree some are verging on 'cultish'

YANBU. When my ds1 was nearly 4 (6 years ago!) I posted in one of those groups asking for advice on a forward facing, harnessed seat to go into my mum's car. He has always been skinny and small for his age, and he wasn't heavy enough to go in a HBB with a seatbelt. I explained that he didn't rear face anymore because of his car sickness. Well, I got no helpful advice whatsoever because their policy was "not to recommend harnessed forward facing seats for that age because they are unsafe" but are quite happy to recommend a HBB with a seatbelt for a child the same age who is a bit heavier, because that's safe. Make it make sense??? The admins were very sniffy and unhelpful, and instead suggested I medicate ds1 for the car sickness.

I, like many parents, chose to rear face my children for as long as I could - I think both of them were 3.5 before it became impractical for various reasons. There is no leeway on those groups though, and the admins make you feel like a terrible parent because you aren't considering it, instead posting pictures of 8 year olds rear facing in seats that cost an absolute fortune and are only available in one shop in the whole of the UK.

If someone is told they can't afford one of the £300 car seats, no problem, just get one of the ERF seats that are strapped in via the seatbelt, completely ignoring the fact that they are a fucking nightmare to use because you have to lift the toddler over the seatbelt which is hard when a) they're kicking and screaming and b) you're a grandparent or someone with mobility issues.

The advice purely goes on ERF seats, with absolutely no consideration on things like, how easy are the seats to transfer between cars? How easy is the harness to use? How easy is it for a grandparent to lift a baby into an ERF seat that is strapped in via the seatbelt? None of these things are relevant apparently.

I cannot imagine an age 6 year 2 child still being rear facing 😆 thats madness. Anyway YANBU they're all a bit mad on those groups.

It just so happens they sell the seats they recommend on the groups. Such a scam.

I think ultimately in the future that most kids will rear face for longer. Because there seems to be a growing body of evidence that it’s safer.

but I agree with the poster that those groups don’t grasp that less safe doesn’t mean unsafe.

i had a rear facing car seat that could be used to 18 kg and all my kids are tiny so they could have stayed in them for yonks but they insisted to moving to a high backed booster when they were the only ones left from their friends in car seats.

I think sometimes you have to break away from those forums and ask the ‘tech’ specialist at somewhere like Halfords. They aren’t then emotionally invested and are speaking from a point of practicality and safety.

Both my DC forward faces from around 18months. I know. Awful!!!! One has been involved in a bump to the rear of the car and thankfully did not feel a thing in their Joie360.

both have age appropriate car seats and always travel with their belt on correctly. To me, this is what works for us.

Yep I agree with idea that less safe doesn’t mean unsafe. Kids have been forward facing for decades. I liked to be able to see my kids in the car. I realise I’m probably an outlier.

Oh yes, they usually forget to mention this little detail.

I’m an extended rear-facing parent but I agree some of those groups are extreme! I’ve left them all now for my sanity. My just turned 4 year old still rear-faces in my car in a Axkid minikid and likely will until his younger brother outgrows his Joie Ispin safe which I think will be when 4 year old is 4y6m-4y9m-ish then he will go forward facing. We had to turn him forward facing last month in my husbands van as he outgrew the Joie Everystage due to his height and I couldn’t get another rear-facing seat that would fit in the seat as it was tight already with the Everystage. He’s now in a Britax Kidfix…. I like that it has a crotch guard and the seat belt chest guard so the seatbelt sits run the right place for him.

in the old days when DS1 was a baby he went front facing once he had grown out of his baby seat, so from about 6 months

YANBU. I am a firm believer in proper car seat safety and both my DC were rear facing until they were nearly 5.
Saying that, the car seat safety groups are filled with bullies that love nothing more than shaming anxious mums.
I found baby weaning groups were the same.

now the baby seats last a lot longer.

my mother had a car seat for me in the early 1980’s, very fancy thing she went to a lot of trouble to buy. She didn’t tie it in with a seatbelt or anything because there were no belts in the back. My grandmother thought she was being ridiculously overprotective.

Halfords are far from being specialists in child car seats!

My LO will have a rear facing to 36kg seat, I totally agree with the movement. The groups I’ve been on are transparent in that they’re run by car seat selling independent experts, with no hint of scam about them. There’s often a lot that can be done to help children with car sickness, without having to forward face them.

HOWEVER

I did come off the groups I was on as they just got too much. It’s a shame, because there’s so much good information out there to help people make better choices of car seat, but the way the groups operated alienated so many people.

Not sure if anyone has al explained this to you, but it’s the harness that’s dangerous in the ff position. Look up neck loads etc. It is safest for them to rf until they are plenty big enough to use a hbb.

There was no such thing as a rear-facing seat when DD was a baby. She sat in her car seat on the front passenger seat from birth so I could keep an eye on her. No one batted an eyelid. It was perfectly normal at the time. I'm tempted to join one of the Facebook groups just to let them know that.

My DD is in an extended rear facing seat and will be as long as she can, but my GOD then groups!! Awful. It's almost cult like these days. One of the particular big ones run by Gabi is awful. Total narcissist, cult like following. Shames people and riles the group up to join her attack. Absolutely awful. She thinks she's some sort of child safety savior! When really she's just a woman running a business from her garage not much better than an MLM hun

@Lumirubin thats the one I’d just been reading comments in before making a swift exit!

Christ I’d have been sick every journey rear facing which would not have been safer for my parents to attempt to deal with

like everything with parenting, one size doesn’t fit all it’s what works for you, your children and your family

Mine aren't little anymore, but I remember this so well. Add child feeding, slings, and nighttime routines to this mix, too. Some of the posters get far too passionate and angry about it all. Very scary.

Mumsnet can be just as bad, a thread yesterday was full of people unable to grasp the difference between unsafe and not as safe.

I rear faced youngest until nearly three (shes nearly 12 now, the only ERF availablefrom a non specialist was a Joie one, that wasn't available when her sister was a toddler), I believe that they are safer, but FF is more than adequate the majority of the time.

Agree, the groups lack nuance and logic. And again, I kept mine rear facing as long as I could (4 and 2.5). The groups thrive on bullying and ignoring nuance. For instance it’s a gradual sliding scale on the benefits - it is for instance less risky to forward face a 2.5 year old than a 9 month old (which used to be the standard age for it), just as it’s less risky again to forward face a 3 year old than a 2.5 year old. By 4, the risk is the same as it is for anyone in the car, although I accept that in most collisions rear facing would be better for all involved. That said, the type of driving makes a difference too - I’m sure I read that in a rear end shunt rear facing actually increases the likelihood of whiplash.