Partner’s personal hygiene at my house…

PeanutButter95 · 2025-01-18T13:38:23+00:00

I’ve been with my partner for a few months now but as we’ve spent more time together (overnight and days off in a row sort of thing), I’ve noticed a few things about their personal hygiene - especially whilst staying at my house. When we stay at their house, they usually shower everyday, however I’ve noticed that when we stay at mine - they can sometimes go 2-3 days without showering at all. I can’t really think as to why this could be, they have showered here before, have stayed here plenty of times so fairly comfortable using things in the house. I have a decent shower, a decent house, I’m fairly laid back about things being used in the house (not a neat freak or anything). It’s starting to bother me a little, especially during sex and intimate things like that, as it’s off putting for me. AIBU and how do I broach this?

Pippa12 · 18/01/2025 13:41

I think I’d just be honest and say are you not showering? It’s abit grim to be getting up close and personal with somebody that hasn’t washed for 3 days. I find it abit disrespectful tbh.

Eldermillenialyogi · 18/01/2025 13:42

I think it's fair enough if you done want to have sex with someone who hasn't showered for a few days. Could it be they don't feel comfortable for some reason? I don't like showering anywhere but at home (however I do). I think you should ask them. Is it possible the bathroom isn't as clean as you think?

Cerialkiller · 18/01/2025 13:45

If he does it at home then it sounds like he's not a natural stinker and is perhaps feeling he is imposing by using your shower. Have you asked why he won't shower at yours? Does he have washing stuff specifically for him? Maybe he doesn't want to smell 'girly' or doesn't have clean clothes or deodorant at yours?

A mature conversation can fix this.

Teanbiscuits33 · 18/01/2025 13:46

The fact that they shower daily at their own house would suggest they don’t feel comfortable away from home to me rather than a general personal hygiene issue, but it’s odd that they would agree to stay for days at a time if this was the case? Are they washing their pits and nether regions?

FallenRaingel · 18/01/2025 13:46

They aren't as comfortable in your house as you think. It's only been a few months, hygiene is a deal breaker for most people. Just end it.

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 13:46

Eldermillenialyogi · 18/01/2025 13:42

I think it's fair enough if you done want to have sex with someone who hasn't showered for a few days. Could it be they don't feel comfortable for some reason? I don't like showering anywhere but at home (however I do). I think you should ask them. Is it possible the bathroom isn't as clean as you think?

The bathroom is definitely clean, I do it everyday, so I don’t think it’s that causing the issue

OP posts:

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 13:47

Cerialkiller · 18/01/2025 13:45

If he does it at home then it sounds like he's not a natural stinker and is perhaps feeling he is imposing by using your shower. Have you asked why he won't shower at yours? Does he have washing stuff specifically for him? Maybe he doesn't want to smell 'girly' or doesn't have clean clothes or deodorant at yours?

A mature conversation can fix this.

My partner is female so we use the same things, and always brings clothes/deodorant with her for when she stays here

OP posts:

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 13:48

Teanbiscuits33 · 18/01/2025 13:46

The fact that they shower daily at their own house would suggest they don’t feel comfortable away from home to me rather than a general personal hygiene issue, but it’s odd that they would agree to stay for days at a time if this was the case? Are they washing their pits and nether regions?

I don’t think it’s a comfort thing… it’s more of a cba thing I think when out of work routine… that’s the impression I get? And no, doesn’t wash at all, not even face sometimes

OP posts:

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 13:49

FallenRaingel · 18/01/2025 13:46

They aren't as comfortable in your house as you think. It's only been a few months, hygiene is a deal breaker for most people. Just end it.

They used to shower here more regularly when she first started staying over, over time it’s become less and less, so I think it’s a cba thing instead of a comfort thing?

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Poppyseeds79 · 18/01/2025 13:50

It's a bit grim! Does she brush her teeth and hair still?

Deadringer · 18/01/2025 13:50

I skip a shower the odd day but not if I am going somewhere and certainly not if sex is on the cards. I would find that a bit minging and I would say so (as light heartedly as possible)

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 13:51

Poppyseeds79 · 18/01/2025 13:50

It's a bit grim! Does she brush her teeth and hair still?

She does do this everyday, just nothing else!

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Teanbiscuits33 · 18/01/2025 13:55

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 13:48

I don’t think it’s a comfort thing… it’s more of a cba thing I think when out of work routine… that’s the impression I get? And no, doesn’t wash at all, not even face sometimes

Show quote history

If it’s a routine thing, is it laziness? I would think maybe they can’t be bothered at the weekend maybe, too busy lounging around and scrolling on their phone that they just forget to do it. Do you go out together or just stay at home all day? Maybe test that theory, book a day out somewhere and see if they wash before going out!

I’d just reiterate that they don’t have to feel uncomfortable treating your house like a home, they are free to use the facilities whenever they like, if that’s why they haven’t showered? This lets them know you have noticed while keeping polite so maybe she’ll think more about it.

DeliciousApples · 18/01/2025 13:59

You need to ask. It's the only way.

I'd broach it along the lines of I've noticed you don't seem to feel as comfortable showering at mine as you don't use the shower much and I was wondering why not and if there is anything I can do?

I didn't like showering in someone's house where there were rough towels that had been put away before they were dry so they left my skin smelling funny. And the bath mat was dirty as they wore shoes in the house and left footprints in it for me to put my clean feet on. Gross.

So you have to ask. Maybe it's too cold or soap allergies to your brand or the door doesn't lock or forgetting her sponge or flannel? Could be anything.

flightticket · 18/01/2025 13:59

Anyone that dont shower for a few days are grim to me.

Deebee90 · 18/01/2025 14:00

People don’t need to shower everyday. I don’t shower everyday at my partners and frankly I’d be offended if he asked why I wasn’t . As long as you are clean and fresh it’s fine.

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 14:00

Teanbiscuits33 · 18/01/2025 13:55

If it’s a routine thing, is it laziness? I would think maybe they can’t be bothered at the weekend maybe, too busy lounging around and scrolling on their phone that they just forget to do it. Do you go out together or just stay at home all day? Maybe test that theory, book a day out somewhere and see if they wash before going out!

I’d just reiterate that they don’t have to feel uncomfortable treating your house like a home, they are free to use the facilities whenever they like, if that’s why they haven’t showered? This lets them know you have noticed while keeping polite so maybe she’ll think more about it.

Show quote history

Sometimes she gets days off in the week, and it’s a mixture - sometimes we go out and other days we stay in and chill out. That’s definitely interesting though - I’ll test that theory next week when we go out and see if she does shower or not!

I have mentioned a few times, especially after I shower, if she wants to use it/should I leave some towels out for her etc, but I think I’m going to have to mention it a bit more regularly from now on and see if anything changes!

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Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 14:02

Deebee90 · 18/01/2025 14:00

People don’t need to shower everyday. I don’t shower everyday at my partners and frankly I’d be offended if he asked why I wasn’t . As long as you are clean and fresh it’s fine.

This is the thing though - sometimes there is a bit of a smell - especially in places that get a bit sweaty and it’s putting me off doing certain things with her…

OP posts:

Original poster

PeanutButter95 · 18/01/2025 14:03

DeliciousApples · 18/01/2025 13:59

You need to ask. It's the only way.

I'd broach it along the lines of I've noticed you don't seem to feel as comfortable showering at mine as you don't use the shower much and I was wondering why not and if there is anything I can do?

I didn't like showering in someone's house where there were rough towels that had been put away before they were dry so they left my skin smelling funny. And the bath mat was dirty as they wore shoes in the house and left footprints in it for me to put my clean feet on. Gross.

So you have to ask. Maybe it's too cold or soap allergies to your brand or the door doesn't lock or forgetting her sponge or flannel? Could be anything.

Yeah, I think it might come down to this - just being frank and asking outright rather than beating around the bushes!

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BobbyBiscuits · 18/01/2025 14:07

Suggest sex in the shower! Lol
If he is actually smelly then say so, 'your pits are a bit whiffy, would you jump in the shower please?' you may as well be honest. If he wants sex he'd be foolish not to comply.

Pigeonqueen · 18/01/2025 14:08

This would completely give me the ick. It’s a sign of things to come. If she can’t be bothered now then it’s only going to get worse. No thanks.

MissAtomicBomb1 · 18/01/2025 14:08

It's not unreasonable to not shower every single day (though you would presume someone would have a decent wash, put on deodorant and change clothes)

The unreasonable bit is that they expect you to be intimate with them. Thats grim and I think you need to be completely honest with them before you get too much of an ick as there will be co coming back.

Justleaveitblankthen · 18/01/2025 14:09

@BobbyBiscuits
The OP'S partner is female

WellsAndThistles · 18/01/2025 14:10

I've maybe lost the spontaneity of life but wouldn't consider any 'snuggling' without us both having had a shower first....

It's not a good sign OP, does she brush her teeth twice a day?

honeylulu · 18/01/2025 14:11

Deebee90 · 18/01/2025 14:00

People don’t need to shower everyday. I don’t shower everyday at my partners and frankly I’d be offended if he asked why I wasn’t . As long as you are clean and fresh it’s fine.

If you're not washing your genitals, armpits and feet every day then you are not "clean and fresh", sorry! That might be OK if you're not getting physically close to others but OP has confirmed that it's put her off sex because partner is too whiffy. I wouldn't want to be putting my face up against someone's unwashed privates either!