Partner’s personal hygiene at my house…

[PeanutButter95]

I’ve been with my partner for a few months now but as we’ve spent more time together (overnight and days off in a row sort of thing), I’ve noticed a few things about their personal hygiene - especially whilst staying at my house.

When we stay at their house, they usually shower everyday, however I’ve noticed that when we stay at mine - they can sometimes go 2-3 days without showering at all.

I can’t really think as to why this could be, they have showered here before, have stayed here plenty of times so fairly comfortable using things in the house. I have a decent shower, a decent house, I’m fairly laid back about things being used in the house (not a neat freak or anything). It’s starting to bother me a little, especially during sex and intimate things like that, as it’s off putting for me.

AIBU and how do I broach this?

I can see what Zeke is saying, but I'm not sure it is the best approach. It's a rather insincere and flowery way to deal with it. Of course you don't have to be rude to your girlfriend, but you can be more direct about your reasons for wanting her to shower more.

Talk about using a sledgehammer to crack a nut!

Just talk to her OP.

These are really obvious hints and would make it awkward because nobody says things like this unless they are trying to diplomatically say someone stinks. Her partner will know this and possibly be offended!

For example: ‘’I love the way you smell after a shower—it’s really attractive’’

Who says that unless the person has JUST showered using particularly nice scented body wash? No one is going to say that at random to someone. Of course someone smells more attractive when they wash, it’s a given. It would be less weird to say ‘’I love the way you smell after using that body wash, it smells lovely!’’ But if the partner knows they haven’t showered for days and OP says that, she’s going to know it’s a hint 🤣

Oh wow. That’s really disgusting.

maybe she only showers at home when you're about?

I think I'd just ask her tbh. Why don't you shower when you stay at mine? There might be some easily solved reason for it, or maybe something deeper. But we and you can't really guess

How on earth can you be clean and fresh is you dont shower daily, especially intimate areas, just revolting !

'If you don't wash it, I won't touch it'...

I'd just be blunt tbh - its laziness, if there were some underlying reason like its cold, bathroom grubby, towels scratchy... then she can talk to you about those and resolve them.

So either she is lazy, or she has an inability to communicate like an adult - either way it doesn't bode well for a relationship!

I would be open about it and say "i've noticed you don't shower very often when you're here. I want you to feel comfortable in my home so i've made you a space in the bathroom for your own toiletries and got you some towels. They are yours and feel free to use them any time, you don't have to ask. Everyone likes to feel fresh don't they?"

Make her a space and get her some of her own towels. If she doesn't take the hint from that then she's clearly just grotty. There's no chance id be going near her if she hasn't washed it shows lack of respect for herself and for you.

Couldn’t be arsed with this. Absolutely minging. I think the last time I didn’t have a shower from one day to the next was after an emergency c-section over a decade ago! Always at least once a day, twice if been to the gym. She’s got some audacity if she’s after sex when she’s dirty and smelly 🤢🤢🤢

I'd buy some shower gel/bath bombs, etc., and tell them that there will be no sex until they (why not just say him or her??) are clean

"Look I'm sorry Emily, but your breath smells and you haven't showered for days, so your body does too. It's getting quite offputting. Is there a problem?"

She thinks she doesn't have to make an effort now the honeymoon period is passing
Maybe she doesn't bother in her own home either?
Just because she brings toiletries with her, doesn't necessarily mean she uses them!
She sounds lazy and dirty.
I'm single Don't work and live alone so I do skip the odd day, but I always do if I leave my flat
I think I'd say " you don't need to feel awkward about showering here"
It acknowledges you have noticed, but is Just a comment

Don't see how you can remain "clean and fresh" for upwards of 48 hours.

Hahahaha! That's about as subtle as a terribly unsubtle advert for cheap shower gel.

'They'- this is a woman?
Are you a woman too?

Why don't you tell them that their hygiene is off putting?

But what about your bum and your vulva?

They need washing daily.

If it is a routine thing, you need to force the routine talk. My husband had good hygiene when we met because he showered for work, dates and after the gym. Covid lockdowns and kids mean he needed new shower triggers. It sounds like your gf needs that now. I’d approach it as being out of routine at your house and good for a pyjama cozy day but ruins the chance of spontaneous sex/does she want anyrhing from you to get in the routine. She has every right to feel a bit embarrassed and not want to discuss right away but let her know you can help support with fluffy towels or a code word/reminder.

If in a few weeks she hasn’t shaped up I think it’s a deal breaker. You don’t want a lifetime of dirty grossness. And I say this sitting in my dressing gown dirty and needing a shower (had a bath last night and about to shower and dress - also zero chance of spontaneous sex with 2 small kids around).

@Justleaveitblankthen thank you, fair enough. It didn't say initially and I guess I put that type of thing down to men more often than women. But my advice still stands.

She (not he)

Is it possible she's washing her privates without having a full shower? I have psoriasis so have to go easy on my skin but I'll wash pits/bum/fanny every day. It only takes a couple of mins so I'd imagine my partner doesn't realise it's happened!

Agree with others, it's horrible to expect sex without having washed properly for a few days. Quite disrespectful.

Your not clean or fresh if you don’t shower for a few days especially when your sexually active during that time

Does nobody actually like the smell of their partner's skin? Yes stale sweat, urine, mucus etc is off-putting. But at the same time I am not wild about inhaling shower gel and a whole load of other synthetic fragrances - that can be just as repellent.

Im not clean and fresh if I've not showered daily - some people might be, but I'm not one of them!

The only time I'd skip a day would be if I'm ill or spending a day alone, not going anywhere or seeing anyone.

There is no way I would go down on a minge that has not been washed for two days.