Partner’s personal hygiene at my house…

[PeanutButter95]

I’ve been with my partner for a few months now but as we’ve spent more time together (overnight and days off in a row sort of thing), I’ve noticed a few things about their personal hygiene - especially whilst staying at my house.

When we stay at their house, they usually shower everyday, however I’ve noticed that when we stay at mine - they can sometimes go 2-3 days without showering at all.

I can’t really think as to why this could be, they have showered here before, have stayed here plenty of times so fairly comfortable using things in the house. I have a decent shower, a decent house, I’m fairly laid back about things being used in the house (not a neat freak or anything). It’s starting to bother me a little, especially during sex and intimate things like that, as it’s off putting for me.

AIBU and how do I broach this?

You seem to have decided she "cba" so I would ask her and at least she has a chance to explain. Could she be ND? If so it can be a lot harder to shower somewhere other than home but if that's the case I'd go home and shower. Not brushing her teeth at night is grim.

‘ND’ is chucked around on every thread with antisocial behaviour. Which is probably pretty offensive to anyone who actually is ND.

I almost never do!

Agreed. I wouldn’t go down on my DP if he hadn’t showered that day. No chance I’d do it to another woman either.

Sorry if TMI but who wants to have sex with someone who hasn't showered for 3 days? Nobody has fresh genitalia on day 3 🤢

If you’re shagging you need to be showered a) to avoid infections like UTI and b) just because it’s polite, but there is such a thing as unscented soaps. I can’t stand synthetic fragrances either but sweaty bum crack is way worse.

Showers at home but not at yours. You say your home is clean so that's not the issue..... My guess is your partner is self conscious about the cost? Maybe your on low income and they don't want to add to your bills? Your best bet is to turn the shower on and say 'sweetie I've got the shower on for you. I've put fresh bedding on and the feeling of being freshly washed and climbing into the fresh bedding is amazing. I've got towel ready for you on the radiator and I've bought your fave shower gel cause I know you love it'
I was nervous on showering at my partner's for nearly a year

Could she feel under time pressure? One of my GFs was very quick in the shower, didn’t wear any make up and was ready super-fast. I used to feel self-conscious because I took longer in the shower and did my make up afterwards too. I used to take my phone into the bathroom so I could keep checking the time. This would also apply if she’s worried about the cost to you.

The whole time I was in the shower I was aware of my GF ‘waiting for me’. It made me feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t relax.

Dosen’t was her face either sometimes, is she not at all concerned about her appearance? She sounds lazy

‘Not a natural stinker’ made me chuckle 🤣 I agree that a direct approach is required because showering daily is needed to avoid being stinky.

Def rank and skanky

yes the odd day someone might not shower

but would wash their bits

to expect/want sex with a smelly minge (or if men knob) is just revolting

I'd just leave towels out for her and mention you've done so.

If she showers at home but not at yours, can you just ask her why not?
My partner has a weird fancy shower that's hard to work if you aren't used to it. It does a funny hot/cold/waterfall thing until you get the knack. It could be something simple like that?
No way would I be doing 'stuff' with bits that hadn't been washed in days though, that's gross! Find out why, then make your hygiene expectations clear.

Seems to me they aren't comfortable at yours, speak to them over it and put them at easeand hopefully they'll deal with it.

The OP has a right to describe their partner in any way they choose. You have a right not to be comfortable with it, but do you really need to say so as your contribution to the thread?

This thread reminds me of the sketch from “Kitty From Cheadle”
‘what’s that smell’
’its Magrife’
‘well it wants washing’
Of all the advice, I think the most sensible and the one most likely to succeed is to ask ‘why don’t you shower everyday? I’m asking because personal hygiene it’s important to me and I’ve noticed that it doesn’t seem as important to you’. If your partner can’t always be trusted to brush her teeth at night….there’s something more than just a showering issue going on. Sadly some people are soap dodgers, and it isn’t pleasant for others, but particularly those who are on intimate terms with the dodger.

You're still shagging someone that hasn't showered in 3 days?

Omg this makes me realise how lucky I was my husband and I were on the same page about washing from the start.

We have both always showered morning and night. No deviation. It takes no more than a few minutes and personal hygiene is really important to me.

i couldn’t be with someone who didn’t wash.

I also don’t get all the need to be so careful about a conversation here when you are intimate partners. If this is important to you and not to her then it’s a deal breaker and I’d happily say that.

OP, I would be very wary.
This is really grim.
It will only get worse.

Is she socially awkward and thinks she needs to be offered a shower and it's rude to have one without being offered?

Yuck I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t shower daily. I did date someone who would skip a shower sometimes and he swore he didn’t smell but I could smell that he hadn’t showered. It wasn’t an overpowering stink but he didn’t smell fresh and I didn’t even want to lay next to him (my nose is very sensitive to smells)

If you’re being intimate and she hasn’t washed. I would say “one of us smells a bit whiffy is it me or you?”. If I say that to my DH, he sniffs his armpits then trots off to the shower.

The phrase, 'I don't want to go down on you till you've had a shower' has its uses.

I'll level with you: admittedly I'm coming at this from my perspective as a woman who sleeps with men, but it wouldn't put me off sex at all, or bother me in the slightest, if a partner didn't shower for a couple of days. Perhaps your girlfriend's the same, and assumes that because it wouldn't bother her, it also won't bother you?

Obviously it does bother you, though, and that's fair enough - it would be reasonable for you to broach it with her. Lots of tactful ways of doing that, as people have said above. Good luck!

Get rid, it only gets worse. I really regret not seeing the warning signs when a new partner would leave the toilet disgusting with horrendous skid marks 🤮 let it go as in honeymoon period.. fast forward 7 years got a divorce as personal hygiene and house work were so far off my standards that I couldn’t take it anymore.