To ask MIL not to use their car seat?

[WorriedAboutHurtingFeelings]

MIL bought a car seat for her car, for when they take our 18-month old DD somewhere. This is very kind of her and I'm grateful. But the one she's bought isn't rear-facing, and everything I've read indicates that children should stay rear-facing as long as possible.

MIL doesn't see DD very much (they live an hour away) so I don't want to discourage contact, but she's very sensitive and I'm worried that it will hurt her feelings when I insist they use our own rear-facing car seat if they do take DD somewhere. I also have a strong feeling that MIL thinks I am too protective and precious about DD.

AIBU to insist they use our rear-facing seat instead of the one they've bought? As far as I'm concerned, DD's safety comes before MIL's feelings, but DH feels awkward about it.

I smoked in the house with my kids for 20 years, and they're all perfectly fine.

I also let them cross the road on their own from 2, and they're all perfectly fine.

Then they turned 7, they were allowed to drive the car to the local shops and back, they're all perfectly fine.

None of this really matters for this op, it's her preference that her child is in a particular type of seat.
Op you said your mil is sweet can't your dh very diplomatically tell her to use the car seat you want.

Say you just don't want to be worrying unnecessarily and it's a simple solution and see what she says.

Unfortunately I think people who have blind spots over this stuff instead of just doing it have other stuff going on.

My child is tall for her age (95+ centile) she still rear faced.

Kids just cross their legs or have knees up, they're fine..

Don't make out that it was unreasonable if the man, when really it was just the fact you didn't think it a good idea. Your child would have been safer rear facing, even if his legs were "squished up".

It absolutely is safe. That doesn't mean other things aren't safer (safest of all being not getting in the car in the first place).

OP YANBU at all to prefer rear facing, many parents do, especially at that age.

Personally I'd get DH to deal with it, but if he won't, I'd thank her profusely for buying the seat. It's not right just yet but it will be so handy to have it at her house down the line. You're so excited to see them, etc etc etc. Make it clear it's about the seat and not about her or her gesture.

It's not hard to be respectful and just do it like anything else op can ask. This is not being precious.

This is one that completely blows my mind, unless your child is horribly car sick or 8 years old and being laughed at at school drop off, I don't see what benefit front facing is. My mum asks everytime she sees my 2.5yr old when I'm turning him, he literally doesn't know that front facing is an option and sits quite nicely RF, so what would be a single positive reason for turning him?

I'll give you bumpers and nests, but plug sockets aren't "high risk" - the likelihood of a child turning them correctly to make the socket live is miniscule. Yes it's safer not to use them but it's a long long way from high risk.

100% don't let her. Tell her about the safety apologetically, say it's lovely she has the seat and it will be brilliant to use when DD is old enough to forward face

Rear facing is safer.

But more important is the car seat being properly fitted (and fitting g the car) plus the child being properly secured into the car seat (properly adjusted straps, no coat etc).

You can have the safest car seat in the world, but not doing that renders it useless.

This is one of those topics where the overwhelming position on MN seems completely removed from real life, I think it's because a small number of people feel very strongly about it and therefore always post.

On MN, you are the most irresponsible parent alive for allowing a child to front face before 6. Akin to smoking 20 a day in their face or letting them cross the road alone at 2 (as PP seemed to use as ludicrous comparisons above).

In the real world, I don't know a single person who had their child rear facing beyond 2. And I don't know a single child who was injured as a result of this decision.

That said, if you feel strongly about it OP then you should stand your ground. Perhaps share the research you have and say you would be really happy for your child to use the seat when they are x years old, but not before.

What kind of paediatric health professional?

Is it possible to have a rear facing one at that age? DS3 just outgrew his 360 seat and the options available to us because of his height are booster seats (the type with the full back)

Or am I missing something? It does feel a big jump from 5 point harness, to seatbelt all of a sudden!

Many things are unsafe - baby walkers, smoking, driving when tired. But they are legal.
Unfortunately in the UK we have a very lax approach to car seat safety, and working in a paediatric trauma unit, I often saw the sad consequences of this.

My DC are in their 20s so I'm very much out of touch, but how on earth does a 5yr old fit in a rear facing seat? Where do their legs go?

Carrying a baby in your arms in the back of a taxi is legal. Yet if that taxi was involved in a crash, it wouldn't have to be going very fast for that baby to come to serious harm very quickly.

Axkid seats go up to 125cm and 25kg or 36kg depending on model. They're also Swedish plus tested and among the safest on the market. My almost 3yo is only about 85cm and 13kg so we'll get a good long time out of her minikid 2!

We have an Axkid mini kid 2. There are some great extended rear facing car seats out there.

My 5.5 year old prefers rear facing as she crosses her legs whereas in forward facing they’re just hanging so not that comfortable for her.

Thanks, will take a look at axkid

What car has MIL got? Will the rear facing seat fit correctly in it? FF is safer than a RF seat crammed into a tiny 3 door car where it doesn't sit how it is designed.

Also is the FF seat a decent one or something that cost £25 from Argos?

As a pp says if it's a 10 minute journey into town once a month, never exceeding 30mph, I'd probably let it go (if the FF seat is decent quality) - maybe not straight away but once dd is 2yo. It depends on the type of journey she is doing.

This is also very true. There are some decent FF seats and some terrible ones, those with white plastic clips are very dangerous.

Rear-facing is safer than forward-facing.

I would keep them rear facing but then my nearly 5 year old is still rear facing and will be until they outgrow their current seat.

car seat education in the UK is poor. I see coats in cars, front facing seats in the front of cars all the time. i think people just don’t realise the risk. Older children out of HBB too soon. You might be a good driver but sadly there are people who are out there who aren’t so I would do everything to make sure they are as safe as possible in their seat.

My 6.5 year old still rear faces, and will until he is 8. But when we go to MIL's, I don't make a fuss. She drives well and it's not very often.

That doesn't mean forward facing isn't safe.