Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

Seriously, did you really have to be such a massive twat? Really? Did you even read all of op's posts to get more context and understanding of the whole situation, or did you just read the first and go into bitch mode? Fuck's sake 😠

This is such a shitty comment. It’s actually not normal to speak to people this way! HTH

I just came on to say the same thing. Milestone birthday with an event planned fair enough. Ordinary birthday going out with boyfriend and / or couple of friends... you need to grow up

But that's exactly what you're doing.

that would probs work out more expensive than the stag, so how are they going to do that? It sounds to me like he works 12 hour manual labour days 7 days a week and then still does the housework. He’s sharing more than his fair share. I do think 5 nights is excessive and maybe he should join them just for the weekend, but OP has been very me me me with little consideration for when her partner will get a break from it all!

I agree, it's so depressing

Ah well, never mind

Bit then he will be using a large portion of these funds to pay for his solo trip.

In that case its absolutely unerasonable wanting to go. You dont go away for 5 days to get drunk with your friends and leave you wife caring for a 2 months old. Especially so if she is left on her own every day anyway.

I would be pissed off if i had a 2m old and my partner was fucking off anroad for 5 nights

That's taking the piss

Just read more of the thread.
Stag do on birthday is the least of your worries if he thinks it's OK to leave you for five days with a baby. Why on earth didn't you put that in your OP?

I didn't say I hate stag dos
I just don't think they are so important that they should come before family no matter what the situation is
One night sure, even a short weekend, but 5 days abroad when you're skint and have a little baby you never see and a partner needing support? Come on

Baby won’t be 2 months old, trip isn’t until May.

I know, I should have done. But I didn’t realise that was part of the issue. I was just getting on with it and accepting it. The birthday thing feels like the last straw, like I just wanted one weekend where we could do something the three of us and for me to have a little rest, and I was looking forward to it. Now that the stag do is arranged during that weekend, I doubt we will be able to do it because we can’t really afford for him to take another day off. I will probably go back to work sooner, probably after 6 months so that he doesn’t need to be the sole earner

I thought you were being unreasonable at first but having read your updates I am much more sympathetic to you.

How old will your baby be when he goes away and how much is it costing? 5 nights abroad when you are short of money and have a young baby is different. It seems like you have got the exact opposite of what you want for your birthday- 5 nights in sole charge of a young baby and extra financial stress whilst your DP gets to have fun spending money you don’t have with his mates.

I think this is a bigger issue than your birthday.

She will be 6 months. We don’t know how much it will cost as it hasn’t been arranged yet. They don’t even know where they’re going, they’re still just trying to sort out dates.

If you can't afford for him to take one more day off he should not be going on the stag do. That's just common sense.

We were skint when we had DC, there is no way in hell one of us would have gone on an expensive holiday and leave the other person at home.

I agree with this. Have an honest chat with your mum and discuss how you want to have always an honest chat about whether is feel able to help you or not. Also there is different levels of urgency when needing help. Sometimes its to ease the load when things are going well and sometimes it a matter of risking dropping into a really bad state if things are bad, or anything in between. You need to able to discuss things with your Mum if you possibly can. Sometimes even a little time on your own will work wonders. Or even if your Mum comes in and you spend time together just being together/having a meal together/what ever. Just for you not to be on your own with the baby all day.

How far does your Mum live?

relationships are more likely to disintegrate because people become martyr, are not allowed to have a life, resentment and boredom set in.

Seeing friends is not "wasting annual leave" for god's sakes.

It's a one-off. Worst, the issue is that it's on the actual birthday of the OP - which can and should be celebrated at another time.

What's depressing is how many posters here seem to think women and parent should stop having a life as soon as they have children. it's important to have a chance to breathe, it's ONCE! Not every weekend!

I think you need a long chat avout where his responsibilities lie and although you admire they fact as best man his doesn’t want to let his friend down his main responsibility is to you and your child
I hate how stag and hen dos have gone from one night (great) to 2 (also fine and great) to 3 (borderline line) to more - it’s selfish and irresponsible to have more than 2/3 in terms of time and money for everyone else particularly when times are tough

Perhaps OP didn’t mention the trip length because she doesn’t care about that as much? Maybe she knows she will be absolutely fine looking after the baby for a few days.

I think you do need to have a discussion around finances though, both because it isn’t clear exactly how he’s going to afford this (given there isn’t actually any more hours left in a week he can work) and because this sounds miserable for both of you. You both must be stressed and exhausted and presumably it’s going to get worse once your half pay stops completely.

If he wasn't going would you be able to afford to go on holiday? Is this instead of a family holiday?
I regularly go away with a friend without my husband. But we're not living on one wage and looking after a baby and we still go away together.
I know he's the best man but does it have to be 5 days? Who is making the decisions? Can the others afford it? He needs to be able to say this is how much time i have and this is my budget

Tell him you are dissappointed he is even considering going, fgiven the circumstances.

We are going away to celebrate in July too! Where are you going?

How many of these friends are saying they can't make it because they don't want to spend so much on the stag or use up their AL? I think it's madness to expect men -or women-with commitments to use up all their spare cash and holiday entitlement for a stag/hen do. As best man couldn't he suggest a cheaper weekend?
Your opening comment I had no sympathy with you complaining about him being away on your birthday but I think given your finances he's totally unreasonable to spend money you don't have on a holiday exclusively for him, which will leave you not only short but probably unable to go on a family holiday.