Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

Unless you are a child or you have already organised a big party for a special birthday, YAB totally U. Stag do's have to be organised for when the majority can make it. You have a birthday every year and anyway could just celebrate a day or two before or after.

Would you really think it was right that someone had to miss the stag do just so that your partner could celebrate your birthday with you in the way you want on the "right" day? Do something else that day with family or friends and stop trying to make him feel guilty for something that’s not his fault. He’s being a good, unselfish best man.

A norwegian cruise with a norwegian company that use ferries that people can stay on.

Personally I see now issue.

My DP went on a stag do when DD was about a month old. Everyone went for a week, he went for the weekend, Friday -Monday as a compromise.

Your DP needs to go, but he should influence the location to make it cheaper and potentially go himself for fewer days to keep the costs down.

It really sounds like he is doing all he can working 12 hour days plus weekends to support you for an unplanned maternity leave. You've also jointly cleared 8k of debt and saved 2k during your pregnancy so plenty of money coming in when you are both working.

Mat leave is tight. It can be lonely being home with the baby. Get out to some baby groups, find some friends, make a support network.

By May you could be having a lovely birthday, just without DP there.

You have a Birthday every year darling.
He will only be best man for his best friend once.
Do something nice with your girlfriends instead. 😊

A stay weekend is NOT more important than your own baby, and a partner that’s seriously struggling with exhaustion.
What a ridiculous comparison!
It’s a stag do, not the actual wedding, and most reasonable adults would understand why he can’t blow thousands on a five day holiday overseas with a young baby!!

It is of course important to ‘breathe’ so when will op EVER have that opportunity if he is working seven days a week!! Seriously

To me OP the birthday thing is neither here nor there - you’re an adult - it’s disappointing yes but easy to get over. What I can’t get tho is leaving you as a ftm with such a young child…my husband had to do it for work and it was unavoidable- he did all he could to arrange people to check in/help me before he left and it was for work. Can he go for half the time etc?

Oh op, I feel for you. Initially on reading your first post I thought YABU because a stag do is a one-off and a birthday can be celebrated on another day. But with your updates I think YANBU to be upset.

He’s working 7 days a week to make up the financial shortfall of you being off work. Not an ideal situation but needs must as money is tight when he works fewer hours. So in that case he is being unreasonable to go on a 5 DAY piss-up abroad where he will not only lose money from not working but he will also have to pay for the holiday! I bet that after the stag do he’ll say he can’t afford to take a weekend off to make up for missing your birthday weekend.

YANBU to be disappointed that the plans you made with him have been postponed. I’m sitting on the fence a bit about whether he should’ve told the stag he can’t make that weekend as I can see how difficult it would be organising a 5 day holiday for a few people, and your plans didn’t involve a booked event. But overall I think he’s being unreasonable given the money aspect.

Like pp have said, I'd be fine celebrating my birthday at a different time. I would take a dim view of trying to organise something like that and people saying they couldn't make it as they had promised their gf or bf a lie in on that specific weekend. It's not like it's an operation, a work trip or an 80th that can't be moved

However I would be completely pissed off that we were struggling for money so much that he had to work every weekend, leaving me to manage the baby on my own, yet he has the cash to celebrate his friend for 5 whole days abroad.

You're fully entitled to be upset about it, but there's no reason why you can't just do the things you planned the weekend before, or after.

Dont be daft. Unless you already are going away for the weekend do something another time. If you birthday was Tuesday you would probably have a celebration ( if you still do that) at the weekend.

I think you need to look at going back to work sooner, from your posts yes you could just about get by with no mat pay to give you 9 months at home, but sounds stressful and putting a lot of expectation on your partner who already appears to be working around the clock to make ends meet for you all.

I think given your circumstances it's understandable to feel a little upset. I'd be annoyed that he's spending presumably a decent chunk of money going abroad for a stag when you have debts. Does he have familly close by he could ask to have the baby for a few hours on your birthday so you can meet a friend or something?

This is the clearest case of LTB, I've ever seen on here. He's clearly conspired with the bride, groom and all the guests for the stag just to inconvenience you on your special day. What sort of people would do this?

I'd be wanting to know why they all couldn't have arranged their lives around your birthday? it's the same date every year so there's really no excuse for not prioritising you.

Could you be any more obnoxious? I know plenty of people here of are the opinion that birthdays don't matter once you're an adult, but that's just shitty. 😠

I don't know about you @Scribbleonapagee, but I found my last birthday a bit weird. It was the first one after becoming a mum (like yours will be) and I didn't feel like me anymore. I was turning 36 and I don't know how to explain it anymore than I felt flat and disoriented. My mum sent me some birthday money though so I spent it usefully (on some nail polish) which made me feel better. 😊

Depends really, doesn't it, on how much childcare will cost?

These things happen. Celebrate your birthday a week before with him and then do something on the day with friends or family.

She's said that he won't be able to afford to take another day off to make up for it.

Some people are being unnecessarily obtuse. They are right no your boyfriend shouldn't prioritise your birthday over the stag but your entitled to be upset and a bit sad about it. Can you compromise and set aside the following weekend where he doesn't work and gives you a break that you need

And what age will you be on your birthday !

we can’t really afford for him to take another day off

He can afford 5 days of lost earnings and the cost of a 5night holiday abroad when it suits him though, can't he?

So this trip away is costing 7 days in lost wages
Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun (two days as double time), Mon and Tues.

Plus the cost of the trip.

What a selfish twat.

@SapphireSeptember a good point, childcare seems to price many people out of employment these days.

Nobody who has to work 7 days a week for financial reasons can go on an overseas stag do. Nobody.

This. He is the best man. You simply cannot expect the whole group to change their plans because of you. These things have to be planned carefully. Just go out with your friends and celebrate with him the weekend before or after.

Also imagine if you were getting married and your maid of honour refused to attend your carefully planned hen weekend as it was her boyfriends birthday. Would you really ask everyone else to change the date knowing full well this would mean some of your nearest and dearest could no longer make it?:

Unless it’s a big birthday (30th/40th/50th) then I’d just make plans with friends or family on my birthday instead and do something the weekends before or
after with DP.