Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

Aww yeah its my 40th this year too. Getting to celebrate it twice with a holiday in July too.

5 days is excessive. I’d be pissed off about that. Especially given the financial situation you’ve talked about.

Yes I do wonder how he will pay for it tbh. When I’ve brought it up he just says “I’ll put more hours in” but I don’t think he could possibly do more hours! He gets up at 6, and doesn’t get home until 6 or 7.
Our baby wasn’t planned, when we conceived her we were 8k in debt and very stressed! We worked really hard, both of us doing overtime to pay the debt off asap. After that was paid off we only managed to save another couple of thousand before baby got here, which isn’t enough to last. I am getting half pay at the moment but once this stops we will be relying on savings and DPs income. So I’m not sure how he will also be able to afford the stag do..

What is it with some grown adults and birthday tantrums?

he's working 7 days a week so you can afford to stay home on maternity leave, he's having ONE trip with friends and you are fuming?

You are unreasonable.

Unlike a lot of MNters, I am very big on birthdays! For kids, for adults and I don't even understand the "only celebrate important/special birthdays". Life is too short.
Even I think you are unreasonable, celebrate another weekend. Children manage that without drama.

Expecting an entire stag do to revolve around your birthday is.. weird.

If the stag was one night out - as most are - you probably wouldn’t have minded at all, and could easily work around it.

But the cost, the time, the annual leave of a five day trip overseas, with a baby that is relatively young IS taking the piss. You can’t afford it, he should not be wasting so much family money on a long holiday,

There is no way this would fly in my own family.

So many doormats on here.
If op had explained the full circumstances from the beginning, I think she would be getting totally different answers.

I think I celebrated mine 4 times 😂
(weekend away, holiday, party and a diner with friends, plus a normal celebration at home with the kids..)

None of these on my actual birthday. I lived 😂😂

Thank you, I don’t have a big support network but my mum helps where she can. She works full time though and travels far for her job so is often tired so I don’t like to burden her too much when she has her free time.

The birthday thing wouldn't bother me, but 5 night abroad with an 8wo baby at home is taking the piss imo.

Also, if money is that tight that he has to work every single weekend in order to keep afloat during mat leave, then why is he pissing £££ up the wall on an abroad holiday? That'll be what, 1-1.5k? All in

Who has had a tantrum. Op has said to her DP “that’s disappointing” and they’ve moved on. She’s come on here to talk through her feelings. Describe tantrum.

I'd be more concerned that he's paying for a stag trip when you seem strapped for cash as it is?

Whilst I agree a one-off stag/hen do trumps a non-standard birthday, I think these things matter a bit:

• what the other blokes had rejected other dates for - they might have rejected dates due to their partners birthdays for we know.
• whether OPs partner ever puts her first. Or if it is always like this.
• How OPs partner broke the news to her - ‘It’s this date and I’m going’ is very different to ‘I’m really sorry it is on your birthday, but I will make it up to you, I have ### planned for the following weekend’
• OP being a new mum, with a tiny baby, because it tiring, and can be lonely during the week, and it just does get on top of you sometimes. And then to have something that you are looking forward to just ripped away from you. That can make you unreasonable.

I think your main issue is that your lives sound utterly exhausting, for both of you. He's working 12 hours a day, seven days a week. That's horrific!!! And you're stuck alone with the baby the whole time.
He absolutely deserves a break and to go on the stag do as best man. However, you absolutely deserve a break too. I understand you were looking forward to just one day where you're not solo parenting.

This!!! It's a massive outlay.

Really can't believe a bunch of women think an expensive 5 day piss up abroad is more important than a new mum who's struggling and needs support. It's not about the birthday, it's just that it was the one excuse OP had to ask him to stay home.

OP ask him to take a weekend off now, when you really need a break. If he can't do that bc money is too tight then he can't afford an expensive holiday.

doormat? Reverse it. Would I martyr myself and decline any invitation or refuse to go on a hen night ONCE?

No.

I have a supportive husband. Going away every weekend? Obviously not. A one off with friends? Absolutely. It's depressing all these people who expect to put life on hold and be miserable because one partner resent the other one.

YABU.

He’s not is he though, he’s working 7 days a week so he can fund a 5 day piss up with his mates in May.

Does this cancel any set plans for your birthday?
I dont really see why you are so upset, you can celebrate on a different day.

In my opinion you are being unreasonable. A stag do is a one off and it’s just coincidental it falls on the weekend of your birthday. You’ll have many more uninterrupted birthdays to celebrate. Just see family and friends on this one, and if it bothers you that much arrange a weekend after the stag do to celebrate together belatedly. No big deal.

You've had some horrible replies on here. People accusing you of being dramatic and princessy. Actually taking the time to right this. What's wrong with you all? Have you all got such sad little lives that you feel the need to attack a new mother looking for the slightest bit of support? The woman just wants one day where she feels special. It looks like she's not going to get it. Probably ever because wanting that. Well that's a bridge too fucking far isn't it? That's childish. That's princessy. Is she 5?

OP I've been in your position many years ago and my kids are adults now. It's hard and I personally think your husband is being a selfish prick using family money for this when you clearly both need it. My ex did similar to me.

I've no idea if he's anything like my ex and hopefully he's open to communication but these things are usually about wider issues. I hope you can find a way to communicate with him that doesn't end with you feeling unheard.

You'd be OK with a five night holiday and lost pay on top of that when you can't make ends meet?

Seriously, grow up

@BananaSpanner tantrum is the wrong word, but I think OP IBU. I don't think he should miss it because it's her birthday.

I don't think I'd be bothered i would just ask him to take me out for dinner or something before or after

You are being unreasonable. Are you one of these annoying grown ups who insist their birthday is big and important and celebrated each year?