Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

I am surprised 5% voted YANBU.

nice of him to acknowledge and apologise.

you can celebrate on any other day

This

Why is it Thurs-Mon? If they have not even decided where they are going or what they are doing, they have chosen very random days (for no reason) rather than just a general Fri-Mon weekend.

Maybe the plans will end up changing, maybe the trip will be made shorter, maybe your DP or others will realise they can’t actually afford it and people will start pulling out and it ends up being a night out in the UK instead.

I’d just sit tight for a while and wait to see what actually ends up happening.

I would not be fussed, it’s easier to rearrange a weekend birthday date for me than try to get a weekend date that works for a group going on a stag do. The amount of time and planning so that I can meet our group of 4 friends is absolutely insane…. It’s also not like some random friend… he’s going to be his best man, and you only want to marry once!
Just take a deep breath, and let him go without you whining about it. Honestly if my husband was being difficult about it because it was his birthday that weekend of my friends hen do… I’d tell him to grow up….. but he’d totally get… so I guess that would never happen!

Cmon you are an adult..do you really get to celebrate your bday in any meaningful way if its a work day. Its fine don't make him rearrange it for this !

I wouldn’t consider you having a lie in a plan. I can understand your disappointment but you could organise a lie in the following weekend.

Get a grip honestly

Me too, I was thrilled that my friends got married on my birthday. It was certainly a more exciting day than I would have had if I hadn’t been at the wedding.

"He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him".
Accept it, he has already explained why it clashes with your birthday. Go out with your own friends on your birthday and celebrate it with your BF on another day, and do stop being such a princess!

Me too, I loved it, a massive 'party' on my birthday with all my mates there, that I didn't have to organise or pay for - bonus!

OP, I would ask for the thread to be deleted and start again with the real issues. People clearly can't be bothered to read the updates and will just respond to the first post.

I think you got grief because posters didn't know it's a five day abroad or that you have a two month old. How would he feel left holding the baby for five days?

I thinks it's off he's going when dc is so young. Plus it's a lot of money.

I voted YABU before I read the whole thread and now I want to change my vote! I'm not surprised you feel like this only 2 months postpartum and given the situation with money. I think 5 days abroad on a stag do is pretty excessive myself, esp when the best man has a 6 month old baby at home and limited cashflow.
I've been reading all @Scribbleonapagee posts and I think she sounds mature and sensible and not a little princess, as people seem to be making out. Let's all go easy on her now (maybe people have backed off but I've not caught up) and I for one think her DP needs to suggest to the groom that he can only attend a scaled down version of the proposed stag.
@Scribbleonapagee I hope you get an opportunity for more support soon, and ignore the haters!

How's he funding his 5 day international adventure? You know, given that he's currently having to work 7 days a week to support his family...

I initially clicked 'you are being unreasonable' but I'd like to switch it please!

I first thought it was that they're all going out for the night together.

You can have a nice day any day to celebrate it, the date isn't that important.

But then I realised five nights abroad?!! With an eight week old baby? And how much will that cost?

I wonder what the bride feels about her fiancé taking a new father away for five days this early?

Do you have any support for that time? Parents / in laws?

That's the issue, love. Not the birthday.

Wow, so he’s working 7 days a week and then comes home and does the housework? You need to take a look at yourself love.

Yes I agree, wouldn't in mine either. We prioritise each other too which is why I'd be happy to pack him off on a stag do over my birthday weekend to be with his friends. Because we're not pappy about birthdays and we understand that our friends are important to us. More important than birthdays.

More important than being able to afford your bills and rent?

Agree - I'm not sure why the OP is focusing on the fact its across her birthday and not that her baby is 8wo and they are brassic. That's the actual issue, and given she doesn't mention them till halfway through the thread it makes sense that people's responses are generally unsupportive.

Agreed, it's shocking how many mean spirited replies there are.

OP if you had written thar your partner wants to go on an expensive 5 day stag abroad when you have no money, a 6 month old and you haven't had a single day off, oh and also it's your birthday that he'd promised to spend with you, this would have been a totally different thread

Re the above He’s not going tomorrow the baby will be six months not 8 weeks.

He’s working ridiculously hard every day and doing housework in the evening not sure why he’s getting a pile on. You need to go back to work sooner you can’t afford to be off for nine months it’s not fair on him. Re the stag, ask him to go for a shorter time Friday to Monday

Low standards?

He does do housework in the evenings, but obviously working 7 days a week and then coming home and doing housework as well is tiring, so I do pretty much all of the parenting stuff.

What else do people want him to do?

He's invited to ONE friend event, when they didn't have actual plan on the day and can celebrate/ chill another weekend to celebrate a birthday.

It's astonishing how someone is always wrong just because he happens to be the father.

Many women go back to work with a 6 months old, I wouldn't recommend it if you can avoid it, but the partner going away for a few days is really not unreasonable.

This is just spiteful and unnecessary although I suspect you think you are being hilarious with such witty banter.

@Scribbleonapagee I get where you are coming from. It’s not the fact that you are alone on your birthday, it’s just another example of men’s wants always top trumping the families needs, and it’s so depressing.

And I say this as someone who looked after DH’s best friend’s child on my birthday so they could go to their friend’s 50th - but I didn’t have tiny DC and the guy was very ill so it wasn’t ok that they prioritised that.

I suspect that most mums wouldn’t even think about going on a 5 day piss up hen do when their first DC was so young, leaving the dad to do it all. Because mums generally consider the needs of the baby and the family unit first. And the DP working 7 days a week (most of the time) - so what? @Scribbleonapagee is also putting in the hard graft looking after their baby 7 days a week every week. How many of us said we went back to work for a rest when mat leave was up?!

So YANBU I’m my opinion @Scribbleonapagee and I hope you get some fun time for you’re birthday at a later date

Well yes but she’s drip fed (and possibly exaggerated) the extra bits, having realised that stamping her feet about her boo-hoo birthday lie in was childish.

Her partner works hard and should go on his best mates stag do. OP just needs to find other people to spend her birthday with and not make it a sad day just to guilt trip him.