To not want my 2.5yo staying overnight without us

[Bounty9]

DD is 2.5yo and MIL is always asking to have her overnight. I have said yes a couple of times in the last year for our anniversary and a big birthday, but apparently it isn’t enough.

It’s not that she’s a bad sleeper, or I don’t trust MIL. I just hate being apart from her at night. I don’t really have a better excuse than that.

MIL looks after DD one day a week (which we are of course very grateful for) so it’s not like she doesn’t have time with her. Her argument is SIL (her daughter) allows her boys (4yo and 6mo) to stay twice a month.

I appreciate the thought behind it, and she did stay over for a night last August, but I didn’t enjoy being away from her and said to DH that I didn’t feel comfortable doing it again until she’s older and asks for it herself. DH (and others) think I’m crazy for turning it down.

YABU - let MIL have her overnight more often
YANBU - waiting a few more years won’t hurt

As PP says, there is plenty of tIme to do this when she is older. Neither of mine stayed with grandparents overnight without one of us before they were 5.

Agree unless you think daughter won't like it

Duh. The grandma can also say no if she thinks she's being taken advantaged of. Everyone has freedom of choice. She has the right not to want to part from her child overnight, and it's not like said child is 10yrs old or something, she's just 2.5yrs old.

Thats a bit mean, she probably wants to bond with her grandchild and give her son a break in the same was she does her daughter. She probably feels guilty she's giving fun sleepovers to her other grandkids and not ops

It's not OP (who has already allowed the occasional stay and who has some empathy for her MIL) whose posts I'm talking about.

Ok so maybe that's a compromise if you can stand it - go with her every 3 months or so for a sleepover? Both parents and a travel cot? Your mil can do bathtime and story etc and you don't get separated. Or you could invite MIL for a sleepover/dvenjng?

( ps I've been forced to have my just under 2 away over night with his horrible father and I do know how hard it is).

What is your problem? You mock her then start insulting her when she replies because she didn't put her whole life story in her first comment!?

YABU - on the basis that there are two parents, and your husband is keen. So it’s not just all about you.

If it’s something ‘reasonable’ and one parent is keen and one isn’t then I’m of the view that the ‘normal/reasonable’ answer wins.

(and maybe the sleepover together idea isn’t daft - might help you see it differently).

Your choice but I would have jumped at once a month, I got zero babysits from my mil throughout their childhood and only once from my fil, and that wasn't overnight, had to drop them at theirs and we stayed overnight there.

The little child's preference ought to be taken into account, I would think, and she is clearly not ready for or wanting this.

What are these replies?! Of course it's up to you where your 2 year old stays, and you have no reason to feel bad about it at all. Not all kids think it's 'an adventure' ...especially at 2. Do whatever you feel comfortable with and don't listen to anyone saying you're being unreasonable

healthybychristmas · Today 01:07

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 22:44
So it’s ok when it suits you but not otherwise? Not very consistent.

Of course. It's her child.

Well yes but consistency is very important.

This made me laugh - do you not realise people disagree on what is reasonable? That's the whole point of these threads. You think it's the reasonable answer and I think no sleepovers until older is the reasonable answer. That's how disagreements happen, if OP thought it was reasonable too then they'd agree and just do it 😂.

You might have loved it, but OP doesn’t.

I didn’t want mine away from me at that age. They’re adults anyway now.

it’s fine for mil to offer, kind of her. But having let her know that you’d prefer your child at home, it’s not fine for her to keep pushing.

The OP clearly thinks the base concept is ok as they’ve done it on more than one occasion.

They also recognised themselves that it was a ‘them’ thing rather than an issue with the idea.

Kinda makes my point.

I loved knowing my children were save in bed near me. I'm with you, wait until you're ready and she is.

There’s no wrong or right answer. You’re BU to some but NBU to others. Everyone parents different.

I’m sure there’s parents out there that would love the chance to go out without DC every so often and have a close relative to look after them…

But you have to do what’s right for you and your DC.

Personally my DC stays with grandparents 5 times a year so me and DH can go on date nights together, I miss him but also feels nice to be just me and DH every so often.

Well it's a yes when it's convenient for both of them. That's the point. Op asks when she wants it, Mil chooses if or not she wants to. MIl asks when she wants it, Op chooses if or not she wants to

How convenient that she is now realising her children missed out.🙄
I don't believe for a second children miss out.
Mine never had sleepovers before age 12.
They are happy well adjusted young adults, devoid of any "missing out on sleepovers trauma"🙄.

Say no thanks and refuse to engage further on the subject.

It's your child and saying no is not wrong in any way. However, presuming your child is happy at her nanny's, having a child who regularly stays at nanny's and is happy to do so, sounds like a big advantage if you ever do want a night away, give birth to another kid, or become seriously unwell.

What you never had you never miss. There are plenty of people who know that a very close relationship with grandparents has enriched their own and their children’s lives. If you’ve experienced this for yourself you tend to want it for your children.

Which is it - you don’t enjoy not having her with you or/ you don’t feel uncomfortable her bringing there? 2 very different propositions.

if it’s the former, just be honest and say you don’t enjoy being away from her. Your MiL is offering you a break from your child you simply don’t want. However….. does this also mean you are tied up with your child to a point of neglecting your marriage?

if it’s the latter - whole different set of conversations.

At her last sleepover at mine, my DGD (just 5) a propos of nothing, said she felt sorry for her little sister (just 2) because she was missing out.

Little sis hasn't had a sleepover yet. I'm not pushing it though because she's a terrible sleeper!

I had a very close relationship with both my grandparents. In fact I was the closest to both my grandmothers and was left both their beautiful engagement rings.
I didn't do sleepovers as children and it never arose with my children.
It is possible to have a very close loving relationship with grandparents without sleepovers.
The two are not mutually exclusive.