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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that he didn’t offer?

134 replies

PB96 · 17/01/2025 11:42

I’ve been with new boyfriend around 3 months, known him around 6 and he has been regularly staying around my house for the last 2 months. He has his own place but I have a dog that I don’t like to leave and he lives in a flat whereas I have a house and garden.

He stayed over the other night. We both didn’t sleep all that well for different reasons. He is pretty used to not sleeping very much due to work and was absolutely fine, whereas I have a chronic health condition and if I don’t sleep well, I felt absolutely rotten the next morning (severe headaches, feeling sick, struggle to get out of bed sort of thing).

I do all the cooking for us both, as he doesn’t like doing it but does it absolutely fine for himself at his own house, and I don’t know if he feels 100% comfortable cooking at my house. So we woke up the next morning, and I was really really struggling, it got to around midday and we were both hungry however he didn’t once offer to get up and make breakfast for us both even though he knew how awful I felt, he just waited until I was up and out of bed to cook something (for him too).

AIBU to be pissed off about this and that he could have made the effort as a one-off?

OP posts:
JoBrandsCleaner · 19/01/2025 11:14

Why didn’t you just not bother then? You don’t always make a cooked breakfast when you’re on your own anyway surely. Just point him towards the coco pops and coffee like normal people. I think the issue is you felt awful but still felt the need to skivvy around after this using pig because men are just so special aren’t they?

TessTimoney · 19/01/2025 11:22

OhBling · 17/01/2025 12:12

There's quite a lot in this one actually. Although not all of it is relevant.

1 It's true that he might not feel comfortable just making himself at home in your house.

2 Having said that, surely offering to make you a cup of tea and a slice of toast is not a big deal? More relevant for me is that there's a basic lack of care - when you're unwell and someone you care about is with you, you'd want them to instinctively want to help you even if it's a generic, "can I get you anything?"

3 You absolutely should have asked, "I feel rubbish - do you mind please making me a cup of tea and perhaps some toast?"

4 why on earth are you doing a cooked breakfast every time he comes over?

5 It's terribly presumptuous of him to assume a cooked breakfast whenever he stays over. Does he expect it or do you insist?

So, at best, there's some miscommunication. At worst, he's a thoughtless git.

This 🤔

Madamum18 · 19/01/2025 11:47

Um he is staying with you regularly and you are in a relationship. Why on earth didn't you say to him" I feel awful this morning. Please can you do breakfast today. I'm just not up to it!"

If he said No then you'd have to ask yourself do you actually want this relationship

BobbyBiscuits · 19/01/2025 11:56

Stop supplying him with cooked breakfasts. youre not a greasy spoon cafeteria?!
Tell him next time, can you go into the kitchen and make a bacon sandwich/ toast, coffee etc for us?
If he's unwilling then get a takeaway.
It sounds like he's already annoying you when this really should be the honeymoon period.

Newoxonbird · 19/01/2025 12:21

Dump him

If he was half a man he'd be bringing you breakfast/brunch in bed.
Don't ignore the early red flags.
They will only get worse.

Rescuedog12 · 19/01/2025 14:24

PB96 · 17/01/2025 11:42

I’ve been with new boyfriend around 3 months, known him around 6 and he has been regularly staying around my house for the last 2 months. He has his own place but I have a dog that I don’t like to leave and he lives in a flat whereas I have a house and garden.

He stayed over the other night. We both didn’t sleep all that well for different reasons. He is pretty used to not sleeping very much due to work and was absolutely fine, whereas I have a chronic health condition and if I don’t sleep well, I felt absolutely rotten the next morning (severe headaches, feeling sick, struggle to get out of bed sort of thing).

I do all the cooking for us both, as he doesn’t like doing it but does it absolutely fine for himself at his own house, and I don’t know if he feels 100% comfortable cooking at my house. So we woke up the next morning, and I was really really struggling, it got to around midday and we were both hungry however he didn’t once offer to get up and make breakfast for us both even though he knew how awful I felt, he just waited until I was up and out of bed to cook something (for him too).

AIBU to be pissed off about this and that he could have made the effort as a one-off?

I'm more concerned you were in bed till midday when you have a dog

RawBloomers · 20/01/2025 00:06

Rescuedog12 · 19/01/2025 14:24

I'm more concerned you were in bed till midday when you have a dog

Show quote history

Well if you bother to read the rest of OP’s posts you’ll have your concerns assuaged.

Wasn’t that easy?

Bikergran · 30/06/2025 04:02

PB96 · 17/01/2025 11:49

I had… but a quick 5 minutes is different to cooking over a stove a proper hot breakfast which is the only thing he eats when he is here.

Show quote history

Proper hot breakfast? What era is he living in? Only.eat those when at a hotel. Tell him he can help himself to cereal or toast, or he has the option of taking you out for breakfast.

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2025 05:26

Why didn’t you say that you don't feel great and ask him to sort the breakfast out?

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