To change their surname to mine?

[Timeisaheala]

Long story short but without drip feeding, I have 2 children with my ex boyfriend. We never married, we’ve split 5 years ago and in that time he has married the other woman and has 2 children with her. My children have his surname, as does his wife and his two children with her. It hurts me that she shares the same surname as my children but I never will.

aibu to use my surname for my children? For context dad is not in the picture anymore and has very very limited contact.

Change it.

Change it

How old are your children? Do they have an opinion?

I think you might need his permission, but yes change it or add yours to theirs so they have both parents surnames.

Change it. You will probably need his permission if named on birth certificate as he will have parental responsibility.

Definitely change it. My aunt did this and it was so much better them having the same name. Saves alot of hassle with things too

You’ll have to get his permission but absolutely do it. Perfectly fine to not want them to carry a name of a man who is not in their lives

Are your children old enough to help with the decision?

Would he have to know, is he on the birth certificate ?

So glad I gave my kids my name Makes things easier.

No - you can't just change your child's surname without the consent of the father if he has parental responsibility.

You can apply to the court for a court order if you can't get everyone's consent and the father could stop you.

Your post reads that you want to change the children’s name because it hurts you that he didn’t marry you. That’s not a valid reason to change the children’s names just because you are jealous. Let the children decide when they are old enough.

7 and 5. Yes they want to be the same as me.

He’s on the birth certificate and he would probably fight to keep their name the same as his so are my hands tied?

Can't you change their name by deed poll? I'd change it. If I got divorced I'd change it back as well as my children

Definitely change it or could you double barrel? The kids might think it's cool.
I changed my babies name and felt so much better after, and I am with the father so I can't imagine how you must feel. All children should get their mothers name or have it in there at least.

You might have to get his permission but I’d change it if you can.

I really regret not double barreling my kids’ surname - when I was married to exh I didn’t ever change my surname, but for some reason agreed for my kids to have his.

Lots more people seem to be double barreling now than did at the time though.

If you're in Scotland you can change the birth certificate until they are 16. If England I think you can do a deed poll. I think some people managed without father's permission but not sure.

Absolutely. Change their name by deed poll or at least double barrel it. How old are the children. If older harder. Mine was v young when I did this

If he is on the birth certificate then he has parental responsibility the same as you do.
Again, unmarried women really should give their children their surname and this is why. You can legally change it then if you marry the child’s natural father and you get a new birth certificate. That would be the solution in all of this.
You would have to ask his permission to change their name now.

You need his permission.

My mum changed mine when I was 6 and it was so much hassle later in life when I went to get married and had no proof of my name change. There's no central record so you can't just get a new certificate like you can with a marriage license.

These are comments on a previous thread about similar issue. Thought helpful.

WTF?

You’d need his permission. If he agrees no reason not to

Perhaps reframing it as they share a surname with their siblings might help how you feel?