To change their surname to mine?

[Timeisaheala]

Long story short but without drip feeding, I have 2 children with my ex boyfriend. We never married, we’ve split 5 years ago and in that time he has married the other woman and has 2 children with her. My children have his surname, as does his wife and his two children with her. It hurts me that she shares the same surname as my children but I never will.

aibu to use my surname for my children? For context dad is not in the picture anymore and has very very limited contact.

I think in your position I would change my surname to theirs. You would just be taking your children's name, not your ex's.

Just change it.

I've never understood this archaic practice of giving children mens' surnames. Why?

Me either. I'll never get it. Why?! <insert anecdote about how his name is easier to spell>

Oh but his name is so interesting and mine is so boring! His name just sounds better with my first name! 🙄

@Reugny My name first, hyphenated.

That's really a bit harsh lots of unmarried folk give children there fathers name without problems. And if married it's generally there fathers family name. came from olden times if you didn't have your fathers name you generally got nothing .so done to protect family line .

Just be aware that they don't end up with different names on things that need to line up.

My DN had a brief mare when he was scouted for a sport and his club records & registration were in his stepdads name whereas his birth certificate and ID were in his birth name.

If you take it to court they'd likely allow you to double barrel the surnames.

If your ex doesn’t have parental responsibility then you can do as you like. Personally I wouldn’t be changing it because of how I felt about it. Only change it if it’s something the children themselves would like.

Define archaic. It was almost universal until about 30 years ago.

this seems like the best option (after asking him first, obviously him agreeing is the easiest option & he might surprise you, he might be fine with it).