At my wits end, school run

[JellyBeann97]

My DD is Y1, she is 5. she has always been grumpy whilst coming out of school and takes this out on me. But this last week has escalated. She runs off, climbs trees, throws herself on the muddy grass, won’t walk to the car, throws herself down again and kicks her legs and has meltdowns, cry’s over what seems like nothing, whinging, hits out at me, throws her scarf, hat, book bag etc on the grass. I keep trying to speak to her and nothing is apparently happening at school, she’s ok when we get back home. Not sure if it’s an attention thing but I just don’t know what to do, I see all the other children just walking to the car and getting in, going home. She’s strong and kicks out if I try and get her to the floor, she won’t let me hold her hand in case she runs off and she is so quick

Oh this is what I could have written myself. We tried everything but DC was still so overwhelmed in mainstream school and fortunately we found a place at a specialist school and the change has been remarkable. Not saying this is what you need to do but it was the best thing for us. Oh and DC still won't go to the toilet there, ongoing issue! Xxx

Sounds like a great idea if you want her to get run over! Plus she’d feel scared and confused and think Mum doesn’t give a shit about her.
I’m hoping you’re joking!

If your DD is on the spectrum
Really?

My little boy is 5 too and very similar to this. He will come out and throw his bags to the floor infront of teachers -
its embarrassing really as I think his teachers must be watching and think he hates being at home!

I read this post to him. He replied “take some sweeties and her favourite teddy”

Hi Hun try not to stress yourself out too much,my daughter was exactly the same,I'd mention it to school they would say well she's fine in school,I ended up going to my GP who suggested going back to school and speaking to the senco worker,so I did coz I was also at my wits end,I used to cry at times walking home from school with her,her teacher said yes she's good in school but looks like she's masking at school and soon as she leaves school she's able to release all the energy she's built up over the day,ended up sending her for a adhd assessment and there it was my answer,she is 13 now at high school and finding it so hard it's unreal,they ring me everyday but she's getting tested now for cyclothymia (mild bipolar) it is in the other side of her family,now not saying your child has bipolar at all this is just my outcome for my child that used to run rings round me,maybe look deeper into it with school as your GP will only tell you to speak to them anyway,stupid isn't it when you think it's a gp thing when they can't even refere children,they can a adult but all done through your school,any mental health things tends to go though school now,I think it's because they spend alot of time with our children and see them properly,IV always said from about 6 my daughter had bipolar and literally everyone thought I was nuts,she's not bipolar I'm over thinking it and all this crap,so IV faught and stood my ground for 6 years and finally got my answers,the sooner you speak to them the better Hun as it's a long bloody process,it will get easier I promise xx

IV just also read a few of the other comments and all mainly suggest taking a snack for your child,I don't get how this would work but each to there own I guess,Im guessing she would tell you if she wanted a snack or anything,as IV been there and seen the stresses it can cause, probably more than what alot of other people who have commented think,tell school also about them not using the toilet and they could maybe take her at a certain time so she has to go,but please do things your way don't listen to people who try to state the obvious like snack taking,as I'm pretty sure that's a tried and tested approach you've probably done,dont drive off without them as seen someone else write,this will 100000% add more stress for you and that's not what ya want when your at your wits end,pm me Hun for a chat if you need it,IV been in your exact shoes so I know how you feel x

Yes, sounds as though she's "hangry", Might be worth finding out if she's eating her lunch?

This may not be the answer, but I’d start with food. My son used to be like this because he was really hungry. If you feed them & it doesn’t stop, at least you’ve eliminated a possible cause.

Sounds to me like she is ‘masking’ in school. Girls tend to mask more effectively too, as in they work harder at it which will then result in emotional disregulation like this.

Id adopt a transition routine between school and car/home if she is displaying these behaviours at the same time every day.

Id keep a note of these behaviours and then look at having her assessed.

Snack is always a good idea, but @JellyBeann97 says they're in year 1, I'm sure she's thought of that.

The toilet thing won't be helping. Mine was refusing to poo at school and getting really uncomfortable and cranky and sometimes having an accident on the way home. A little reward for pooing at school has basically solved it for us (but now I get "I DID A POO" yelled at me at pickup. Better than him doing it in his pants though)

Mine finds a list on a clipboard helps with boxes for him to tick things off. Can be tasks or things to spot.
Bag of jelly beans and saying she can have one if she walks calmly to that tree, then pop it in her mouth, now we walk to the red car etc.
Having something small that they picked planned for after school also helps with distracting and jollying along. As soon as they start running off or throwing things remind them that if they do that they won't get to make Lego or whatever with you when you get home.
Can you take a different route out of school? I find bad stuff becomes part of the routine and avoiding the landmarks that trigger it avoids the whole thing.

Good luck!

At that age, my mum always waited out for me with a snack, a drink and walk straight to the park for some chilled out play. School is a lot for a 5 year old, she needs to decompress.

Hi OP, just wondered if the school run was getting any easier, now that its a few weeks into the term. Hope you are ok.

Thank you. I have just seen this. Last week or so was a bit better actually. We had one really good after school run and she let me know she’d just been to the toilet before she came out to me which was good news and she was much happier. Ive been bringing a snack as well which has actually helped. A couple of the days she was a bit grumpy but none of the throwing her things and herself on the grass. I would walk with her but we’re not within walking distance of the school unfortunately but fingers crossed it will be a bit easier now going forward

that's great news @JellyBeann97 ! I think they really do go in phases and maybe she's getting a bit more settled in after xmas. I do remember that when they were really ratty and grumpy after school that it usually meant they just had a bad day and were finally able to let it all out. She's still young, younger than most of her class mates and is getting use to everything but she will catch up. I found they don't improve in a steady upward curve, but in fits and starts. I know it can be trying, but keep going, one day at a time, you will get there. I used to say to myself, "well as long as he's not doing whatever it was when he's 18!" And the thought always made me laugh which made it seem just that little bit better.