At my wits end, school run

[JellyBeann97]

My DD is Y1, she is 5. she has always been grumpy whilst coming out of school and takes this out on me. But this last week has escalated. She runs off, climbs trees, throws herself on the muddy grass, won’t walk to the car, throws herself down again and kicks her legs and has meltdowns, cry’s over what seems like nothing, whinging, hits out at me, throws her scarf, hat, book bag etc on the grass. I keep trying to speak to her and nothing is apparently happening at school, she’s ok when we get back home. Not sure if it’s an attention thing but I just don’t know what to do, I see all the other children just walking to the car and getting in, going home. She’s strong and kicks out if I try and get her to the floor, she won’t let me hold her hand in case she runs off and she is so quick

A Greggs sausage roll or a yum-yum would probably help

^

Do you realise you're on MN

If it is the toilet, which is a pretty common one the teacher maybe could make an allowance for her to use the toilet outside of the normal times. Not sure of the rules in the school, a chat with the teacher should sort this out, they wouldn't want the child to hold it in and not use the toilet. I know in all our schools we could apply for a special pass and the child just put their hand up or asked the teacher.

Ask school for help
we had similar troubles
maybe ND?

Sometimes the coming out with all the other children is stressful for this age. (I’m an EY teacher). She will be excited to see you, but that gets translated into a negative reaction.

I would try:

Tell her tonight that when you see her after school tomorrow you will have a… yo-yo bear, cut up grapes whatever you think of that she likes.

Have a large bag for life to put all her bags, coats etc in so you can carry them. A lot of chn get irritated without realising it’s a bag dragging on their back or a scarf.

Don’t ask any questions, just say hello and let her eat the snack and transition from the classroom.

If it’s still stressful, you could ask the teacher about either picking her up 5 minutes earlier or getting her at the end. As long as she knows.

Food or ask the teacher if she can have a snack before she leaves

Ah, I'm sure I can live with the collective gasp of horror.

My daughter was an absolute demon when she needed the loo. She hated using any other loo other than the one at home. Even at home she was often too busy doing other things and didn't want to stop what she was doing for something as boring as going to the toilet. There were many occasions when I would physically lift her and put her on the loo, she would still be screaming at me while she emptied her bladder, then I'd see the stress and anger melt away and she'd be lovely again. Maybe ask if you can take her to the loo as soon as you collect her. Then give her a banana or something. Hopefully the empty bladder, bit of sugar, and a chance for the crowd to disperse a bit will help her.

Is she getting enough sleep?

Ah, I'm sure I can live with the collective gasp of horror

^

We do what we can, right

yeah , pack of fruit pastilles , little bit of sympathy for the awful day he had had good home cooked meals and all was good , he’s 34 now , ran two marathons last year and holds a very good job . Balance is the key . Not quinoa .

One of my children sometimes did this. Turned out she was struggling with school. Rules, behaving a certain way etc, trying not to get told off. She was diagnosed with asd when she was older. But speak to school. Definitely take her a snack, collecting last or first might work. Can you sit with somewhere until the crowds disperse?

She needs a snack, and maybe just no talking for a while?

This sounds like a child who is masking during the day and letting it out when she’s with her safe person. Is there any hint of neurodivergence?

As someone who works in a school office please don’t do this! We’re busy trying to finish off tasks, man the phones, answer parent and teacher queries before we go home !

Give her something to eat as soon as she comes out. It will distract her for some time. If she’s overwhelmed by school she will still have a meltdown but at least it will happen at home and not at the school doors. Let her have a meltdown and then some quiet time to regulate herself

many kids (and adults) won’t use a dirty school toilet. It’s horrible wiping with cheap bog roll, and it is often cold, and there is often wee and poo on seats.

If dc won’t use the loo, probably not drinking much to avoid the need. I get really grumpy if I need the loo and I’m dehydrated.

Poor kid.

no idea how you fix it! Teach dc how to wipe a loo seat and to “squat” over the loo?

She's OK by the time she gets home?

Yep. Overwhelmed with the bombardment of the school day... and hangry. Is she at the younger end of the school year?
Snacks. Drink. See if you can collect from the office. Or give her a chance to run about outside before getting on route?
The very last thing she wants is to answer questions like "How was your day?" "Did you do something nice?" etc it's just more trying to frame answers to her. Conversation can be a trial when you are exhausted. try not to say anything.

Give her a chance to unwind and just slump for a bit. Try to keep really calm ( very difficult, I know). Ignore any nonsense if it is just snappy stuff. You can talk about it when she's rested and relaxed again at home. It may take a few trial runs to sort it out.

It does sound like she's tired out by the time you collect her. Can you have a word with her class teacher to find out if she's having any difficulties.

Poor kids , they are exhausted. They are not mature and the expectations are bloody ridiculous.

I'm so sorry OP. It manifests itself in all sorts of ways.

Transitional object? favourite toy from home brought with you?

Sounds like coke bottle analogy.
Your daughter is the bottle of coke.
Anything that causes her anxiety or stress or overwhelm whilst in school is 1 shake of the bottle. That could be a lot of shakes in the school day depending on what her triggers may be. When you collect her she literally and metaphorically blows her lid because you're her safe space and familiar person.
She may 'be fine' in school but if she's masking to meet expectations then that's why she looks fine.
Definitely bring snacks to pick up, don't rush her off into car and maybe at a weekend try and talk to her about why she is so cross at pickup and see if she has any insights that could help you come up with solutions.

My daughter is Y2 and AuDHD and finds transitions incredibly hard even ones that happen 5 days a week like school day ending and getting collected to go home.
Her behaviours in Y1 were exactly as you describe at end of day.
She is better this term as school now ha e adjustments for her as we started to work out stuff she was finding stressful.

There's a bloody big hint of overwhelm and a stupid curriculum.

No absolutely don't don't do this!

God forbid a child's welfare stops you from answering the phone!!!

Don't engage with her on the way back home, resist quizzing her about her day, let her run round the playground before you start walking back. Let her do a silly dance and gurn and be daft and do things her way from pick up to your front door. She's experiencing restraint collapse and needs some time without rules.