Moving in together

[krustyburger1]

Would you move in together with someone you've not spent an entire weekend with?

I'd be interested to know what people think. I've been with my DP for 18 months, been friends for 10 years. He's started talking about moving in together within the next year but due to the fact he has his teenage DC with him every weekend, we've never actually spent a full weekend together, just the two of us.

Obviously no issue with him having his DC, but I don't think it'd be wise to move in together when we've never actually spent a solid few days together, alone. DP disagrees.

Have you never been on holiday together either?

What’s the plan for the teenage DC, are they going to be moving in (at least some of the time) with him? That would be a bigger concern for me, though I wouldn’t move in with someone I hadn’t spent extended time with.

I wouldn't move in with anyone who has dependant children.

He's started talking about moving in together within the next year

What are his reasons for wanting to move in together? Where does he feel you should live (his place, your place, new place)? Does he have a mortgage, how would that be sorted? How would bills be sorted? How is he for money? How are you for money?

Have you ever been on holiday together?

Also who's moving where? Him and his DC into yours?
Who benefits the most out of this potential arrangement? Where does he live now? Have you talked about bills?

No not been on holiday although he has said he'd like a few days away, just me and him, in April.

We've also had the odd night away, but Sat pm until Sun pm, for example.

We've not spoken about the logistics of it yet.

My husband and I never spent the night together until our wedding. We moved into our home together the day after.

Hell no. What percentage of costs and responsibility does he envisage you taking on?

To answer your original question, no, I wouldn't.

As others have said, why does he want to live together? Who benefits? Do you want to effectively become a 'step mum' to his DC every weekend? What ages are the DC? Who would be moving where? And importantly, would you be giving up any security/house etc?

If he has his DC at weekends do you spend weekdays/nights together?

It feels as if there are several more steps before you even think about moving in together - holidays, spending weekends together, having some long conversations about how it might work.

No, No, No and for the avoidance of any doubt - No.

2 glaring reasons
You haven't even spent a weekend together let alone a fortnights holiday. You have no idea if he picks his feet, leaves the kitchen bin to fester, lives off brawn sandwiches when not with you, showers each day

He has teenage kids - so the dynamic will be completely different than if it was just the 2 of you. You'll be getting to live with 3 + new people. He will only be getting to live with one new person.

Am I right in thinking you don't spend time with DP AND his teenagers ? Lets be honest - has he asked what his teenagers think of the idea ? It's only fair to ask, as they will be sharing their space with someone they barely know.

you also haven’t spent a weekend with his children. They need to be ready to move in with you as well. It’s been 18 months, how much time have they spent with you?

unless they are at the point where you are visiting their house and they start finding it ridiculous that you return to your own home, it’s too soon to move in.

Let me guess, he rents and you own a house.

I think a holiday would be a good idea.

How much time have you spent by with his child?

I have spent quite a bit of time with his DC, yes.

@Snowmanscarf Yes that's correct!

I have no interest in living (part-time or full-time) with anyone else's kids, so no thanks.

His house?? Your house??

I don't think it's that important to go on holiday together before moving in because holidays aren't "normal" circumstances. But getting up and going to work, seeing if someone tidies up after themselves consistently, what someone does to unwind etc. are the things you will need to deal with daily, rather than spending 24/7 together in a hotel room which gets cleaned by someone else.

I wouldn't move in unless we'd spent several days together both at the weekend and during the week with our normal routine. I made the mistake of moving in with someone I hadn't spent big chunks of time with and it was a disaster, only lasted two months before I asked him to leave

Given your last update - definitely No

Hell no.

Sorry, almost a cliche. Man who rents moves into single woman’s home, thus saving himself rent, plus having someone to cook, clean, looking after dc etc (I’ve been on mn too long!).

I've been to his house plenty enough to know he cleans it, does the washing, cooking, works hard etc.

My concern is more about not having actually spent much alone time together for any significant amount of time!

Absolutely not - surely you've heard about single dads looking for home owning women 'to move in with' nothing more attractive than someone who owns their own home ....
Open your eyes ... carry on 'dating' and consider living together when/if the DC have completely left home.
And ask him honestly ... why is he is so keen to move in together?

He wants to move himself and his two teenagers into your house when you two haven't even spent a weekend together.

There's a word for that. In fact, there's a lot of words for that.

Check out some of the stepparent threads too.

Hun, just no.