Kids WhatsApp group

[Pjsallday]

My 11 year old (year 6) got a phone for Christmas. He will be starting to walk to and from school soon as i want to prepare him for secondary school in September. I've always walked or drove him to school and I've seen quite a few peers going it alone so I guess it's time. Im abit nervous as he can be abit ditzy and I just want him to be aware of the roads etc. Anyway he got a phone so I could track his movements. He's exchanged his number with all our family members and some school friends. I didn't want him to have Snapchat WhatsApp etc as i knew he would become obsessed. So he downloaded WhatsApp secretly and of course there is a group chats with kids from school. Well it's all kicking off. One girl is putting up the little questionnaire things like who is funnier x or y. Who's the prettier girl x or y. Then the kids are voting. I'm very concerned about this. My child isn't responding so she's calling him out for it. I have took him off the chats but she keeps adding him. I fear this could lead to bullying. Unfortunately some of his pals who he's close with have interacted with all of this and I just feel it's all peer pressure. I want him to delete the whole WhatsApp but he likes sending pictures to his aunts and uncles etc. Anyway my AIBU is do I tell the teacher. Obviously if she addresses the whole class the kids will figure out it might have come from my kid as he was the only one to leave the chat. And I don't want him to get left out or bullied for it. Im in two minds
I wish I never got the blooming phone now. What do I do. I feel so sad for him

It's not too late to go back on the smartphone thing. Just get him a dumb phone that does calls and texts. Don't track him, it's mental that's become normalised and isn't good for either of your mental health.

Check out smartphone free childhood movement. The point is so many people say we have to get phones so our kids aren't left out - the more of us that say no, we are not sacrificing our kids mental health on the altar of smart phones - the more other parents feel they can do it too.

Dd is 10 so the phone begging has already started. I'm planning to hold out as long as possible (and I hope they ban smartphones in secondary before she starts. When the tine cones I'm planning to get her one of these

https://www.pinwheel.com/en-gb/?srsltid=AfmBOoq1SsZg089CV9NyWgWAD25f0VE4-8BANTkbllQvi9SD45TJn29Q

You can fully block all apps and monitor it remotely, so no need to take the phone off them to check or worry about them secretly downloading apps.

The whole WhatsApp thing got very out of control when ds was in year 6. There was bullying and the school did get involved. They all got phones around the same time, clearly couldn’t handle it!

it calmed down and now DS (y7) voluntarily chooses to just WhatsApp friends in small groups and deletes or doesn’t join the big ones. I’d encourage the same. He also knows that we have a right to see all the WhatsApp’s whenever we want to.

it’s all very well banning it but the truth is your child will likely miss out socially if you do. Ideally there’d be a way of making it impossible for under 16s to join at all, or making “groups” inaccessible. It’s the groups that are the problem not WhatsApp per se.

I'd speak to the teacher. Our school takes a very strong line with WhatsApp groups and I am aware they'd rather know. They can be utterly poisonous.

Yes I agree with this. My son got dragged into a group in Year 7 (he wasn't allowed a phone until then). He's ND and it upset him. Fortunately he told me. We got rid of WhatsApp. He's now almost 14 and has WhatsApp for a couple of groups, both based around his hobby. They're all ND and it's been a lovely social thing for him too. There have been no further incidences of bullying groups. I am aware it's a massive issue in Year 6 unfortunately. Too young to be having smartphones IMO.

Just to confirm if the phone foes have parental locks. Unfortunately his dad set up WhatsApp. It is now locked down. He can only receive and send messages to adult family members and one cousin. There are NO other apps on it bar the games tetris. Thankfully I managed to see the group set up on the same day as I check the phone every night. Hopefully there's no long term damage done!

I think it's ironic that people expect children to be able to stand up to peer pressure but they can't as adults - for all the people saying there's 'no choice' but to let them have a smart phone / WhatsApp / social media

I would also contact the school to make them aware. I did when my daughter was experiencing a similar thing in year 7 and they school appreciated being told.

Is there a class WhatsApp as in for parents? Then you could just say hi everyone, just wondering if anyone is seeing what’s going on in the kids WhatsApp? Wondering if we all need to have a little chat with them?

You will never convince all the parents to monitor their children's behaviour on social media. You just have to be a good enough parent to protect your own.

You need to install parental controls.
Family link needs a password to request app download.

Saying that, my dd learnt the hard way. I allowed her WhatsApp to message me, but of course she joined a group. Who wouldn't... too much temptation!

She didn't like it when videos got shared. It's now muted. You can also archive chats. She's much happier now. She knows much more about the implications of sending silly videos etc. It's such a learning curve.

I read the messages on my kids what's app groups at that age. I let them keep it, although some bad things were said on there it was an opportunity to teach them how to use it and respond to others appropriately before they got to an age where they deserved privacy and became more tech savy than me. I did message parents over a couple of messages that were very concerning.

meloncotton

but op is saying the other kids are impacting hers. You can watch your own kids but that doesn’t do anything if they’re all still wondering out loud like they are. Some parents mightn’t even think their kids are in the group/ on WhatsApp etc. she might get a few of them talking to their kids about it or get some troublemakers off the app- the kids with issues aren’t always the ones whose parents don’t care, the parents might just be clueless at the moment

I don't understand why people are saying don't tell the teacher. I 100% would ,because bullying online is absolutely rife and it should be talked about in school more. The teacher can have a chat with the whole class and address the situation and explain why these things can lead to bullying,anxiety etc and the ask the kids if they have any concerns etc.

I’m a year 6 teacher. Tell the teacher. We deal with issues like this regularly. WhatsApp is the worst messaging service for kids because of the group chats. Some kids behave awfully on it. What you describe it quite mild compared to what I have seen in the past from primary aged pupils. I have a 10 year old and an 11 year old and neither are allowed WhatsApp for this reason. Everyone says it’s just a messaging service so it’s harmless compared to other apps, but it’s the group messaging facility that makes it so dangerous.
Staff are used to dealing with this. Take screen shots and email them to school.

Tell the school but it is up to parents to police their kids phones.
my last school I worked at sent a stern warning home to parents that they would no longer be unpicking the drama from last night’s WhatsApp groups as it was taking the y6 leader hours to sort out every day when they should have been teaching. Parents were told to sort it out or phones would not be allowed onto school at all.

obviously it was addressed in school via assemblies and other in class work but you find out that y1 kids have the highest spec iPhones and WhatsApp!! I guess it helps with reading and writing!

keep doing your parenting and protecting.

i am not allowed to be added to groups and get an invite instead. There are online challenges to add as many friends as you can to spam groups and get a reward. Obviously you don’t but then spammers have their details and god knows who else.

I have a Y6 child and find the bullying is an issue on WhatsApp, I have allowed it for family and genuine friends and to keep in touch once they go into secondary school but some kids who have seemed okay in the past tend to bully her and group chats tend to get out of hand and lead to drama. I've said she can message family and stay out of group chats if it gets too much.

Hi OP, good to see you're on top of it now. Whilst yes the responsibility for your son and his phone sits with you, you were right to tell school as it is a school class issue and they need to be aware.

Have you dared mention anything in the parents' WhatsApp group "soooo what do you all make of this 'name the chat' group our kids are in on WhatsApp?" Kinda thing. Obviously you're taking your life in your hands posting in a parent group 😉 but might bring some much needed parental attention to the issue too.

Definitely set up parental controls so he cannot download anything without you having approved it from your phone, we have used this for around a year and so far my DD has not found a way around it (unsure if she has tried)

It only gets worse at secondary school, WhatsApp groups are evil. The condition of having a phone at 11 for mine was they had Family Link installed which had controls on that they could only download apps with permission. We also had to be able to check the phone and monitor what was on there. I have directly contacted another parent about what a child said on a group (she was leaving voice notes saying she would stab another kid!) But never school. I have blocked other kids numbers though !!

This happened to a friends kid and the mum contacted WhatsApp and got the other kid removed as she wasn’t old enough. You need to be 16 now so just go direct to the company and get them to sort it.

There was a recent 2 part documentary on channel 4 by Emma and Matt Willis around smartphone usage in teens called Swiped - the school that banned smartphones. Maybe take a watch? It was truly shocking and it may alter how you allow your child to access a smartphone. There is a wider issue of him already ignoring your request to not have WhatsApp- an app he is not legally old enough to have. What is the next one….? Please watch this documentary.

Please ignore those saying it's nothing to do with school. School will definitely want to know about this. However, all the steps above about putting on parental controls, changing settings to stop him being added to groups and checking his phone should also be done. My kids did have WhatsApp from year 7 but I always checked their phone and they knew they were not to be added to large groups. If your son can't stick to this or 'won't let' you look at his phone then he's not old enough to have it, get him a brick.

We had an issue relating to WhatsApp in year 7 and the school absolutely did want to deal with it.

The teacher is a teacher not the parent of 30 kids don't be running to her because you didn't put the right amount of effort in to safeguarding your child