Page 3 | Kids WhatsApp group

Hayley1256 · 16/01/2025 16:17

Do you both have android phones?

meloncotton · 16/01/2025 16:20

As everyone is saying put controls on so he can't download anything unless you give him the parental code. It's quick ad easy. if you aren't sure how to do this ask here.

You are the parent so protect him from being able to download the shit show that is social media.

Original poster

Pjsallday · 16/01/2025 17:55

OK. Spoke to DS after school. Dad put it on the phone for him. I had a late shift last night and he did it then. As I said I had parental locks on the phone. No other apps are allowed. I've now took the advice given further up thread and sorted the WhatsApp so only the adult family members can invite to a group chat (and they wont). I also spoke to the class teaching assistant, and she said I was right to bring it up. She would correspond with the head teacher. I don't want my DS to be implicated in anything with his peers tho. I hope it won't come to that now

OP posts:

TheSoapyFrog · 16/01/2025 18:17

I've just given my son (10 and in year 6) my old phone. I've ordered a SIM card from ParentShield so that he can't add apps like these. He's talked about wanting to join the WhatsApp group chat with his friends from school, and it's a no from me at the moment.

JacquesHarlow · 16/01/2025 21:09

Pjsallday · 16/01/2025 16:14

It's just on the 10 minute walk from school to home. For safety purposes? He doesn't go anywhere else on his own

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He got an entire smartphone for Christmas just for a 10 min walk?

Can you be my mum please?

Original poster

Pjsallday · 16/01/2025 21:10

JacquesHarlow · 16/01/2025 21:09

He got an entire smartphone for Christmas just for a 10 min walk?

Can you be my mum please?

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He starts secondary school in September so obviously he'll need it for then too

OP posts:

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 21:35

Pjsallday · 16/01/2025 21:10

He starts secondary school in September so obviously he'll need it for then too

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Why will he "obviously need it" at secondary? Most secondary are moving towards zero phones or bricks only. And will confiscate until the end of term.

Give him a brick phone for travel to and fro if you absolutely must.

Remove the smart phone or lock it down so he can't add apps.

CasperGutman · 16/01/2025 21:47

JacquesHarlow · 16/01/2025 10:23

The phone isn't a genie in a bottle. It's not a horse which has bolted.

You are the parent. You are the person who can guide for him how he acts. It doesn't matter if this girl is calling him out; he has to stand up and see past her pressurising approach.

Until then, I'd take the phone and delete WhatsApp. He doesn't need it to message you (iMessage? normal SMS?) and you don't need it for tracking him.

PLEASE, whatever else you do, DON'T encourage kids to use imessage. It's been an absolute nightmare in my son's class, as several of them have iphones and use imessage to contact each other, and the kids with cheaper android phones are excluded. It's very noticeable that the imessage kids are predominantly from wealthier families. I know two friends who've felt real pressure to stretch themselves to buy iphones for their children because of this, when they'd otherwise have been perfectly happy with a budget android device.

Cece92 · 16/01/2025 21:48

My DD11 has what's app. Her dad contacts her on it as it's free and he can send her pics and videos of her wee brother. Also his family live in a different county so she can keep in contact with them but other than that she doesn't use it. A few friends have tried making chats but I check her phone every night when I take it off her and remove her from the chats. She had problems a before getting bullied. The school sorted the in school bullying but the girl didn't realise that the TikTok account my daughter would watch was mine and it was actually in my phone so started giving her abuse on it. I screen shot it and sent it to her mum. Emailed the school to let them know aswell. Her mum was absolutely mortified she phoned me instantly. Never even knew about the bullying either. It's crazy parents don't check devices. X

ThinWomansBrain · 16/01/2025 21:50

Minimum age for WhatsApp in the UK is 13.
It was 16 for a while, was changed back to 13 sometime last year.

SoMentallyDrained · 16/01/2025 22:16

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 21:35

Why will he "obviously need it" at secondary? Most secondary are moving towards zero phones or bricks only. And will confiscate until the end of term.

Give him a brick phone for travel to and fro if you absolutely must.

Remove the smart phone or lock it down so he can't add apps.

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As someone mentioned earlier in the thread, homework is online now in most schools, as is communication with teachers (ClassCharts?)

SoMentallyDrained · 16/01/2025 22:17

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 21:35

Why will he "obviously need it" at secondary? Most secondary are moving towards zero phones or bricks only. And will confiscate until the end of term.

Give him a brick phone for travel to and fro if you absolutely must.

Remove the smart phone or lock it down so he can't add apps.

Show quote history

Also I don't know of any schools where phones are confiscated until the end of term...

DaDaDoDaiDa · 16/01/2025 22:21

Get him a dumb phone if he needs to be able to call you and take the smart phone away. He's shown he can't be trusted with a smart phone by downloading WhatsApp when you'd told him not to.

mariaberria · 16/01/2025 22:34

DaDaDoDaiDa · 16/01/2025 22:21

Get him a dumb phone if he needs to be able to call you and take the smart phone away. He's shown he can't be trusted with a smart phone by downloading WhatsApp when you'd told him not to.

This.

Bin the smartphone snd get him a simple Nokia. It's all my kids (13 this summer) have. Yes it's hard. Yes I'm in the minority. Yes the pressure is relentless. But I know in the long term I'm doing the right thing for my children.

Kids are not able to cope with smartphones. Parents should think about what they are giving their children in the shape of a smartphone.

And read Bill Gates blog on this very topic from December. Fascinating and eye opening. And give it to your son to read too.

www.gatesnotes.com/the-anxious-generation

FranticHare · 16/01/2025 22:34

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 21:35

Why will he "obviously need it" at secondary? Most secondary are moving towards zero phones or bricks only. And will confiscate until the end of term.

Give him a brick phone for travel to and fro if you absolutely must.

Remove the smart phone or lock it down so he can't add apps.

Show quote history

Someone needs to let my kids secondary school know that….

All home work via apps, teachers emailing pupils, school clubs contacting students, sports teams sorted via this way too.

I understand the want to keep phones away from kids, while they can be a fabulous way for kids to communicate with family and friends, they can be truly awful.

But I genuinely believe you need to teach your child how to use the technology. Manage the negatives and embrace the positives.

Bit like if you ban all sugar as toddlers, they get to a party and are off their heads on cake, chocolate and sweets. They learn no regulation.

Greyish2025 · 16/01/2025 22:43

Pjsallday · 16/01/2025 09:55

My 11 year old (year 6) got a phone for Christmas. He will be starting to walk to and from school soon as i want to prepare him for secondary school in September. I've always walked or drove him to school and I've seen quite a few peers going it alone so I guess it's time. Im abit nervous as he can be abit ditzy and I just want him to be aware of the roads etc. Anyway he got a phone so I could track his movements. He's exchanged his number with all our family members and some school friends. I didn't want him to have Snapchat WhatsApp etc as i knew he would become obsessed. So he downloaded WhatsApp secretly and of course there is a group chats with kids from school. Well it's all kicking off. One girl is putting up the little questionnaire things like who is funnier x or y. Who's the prettier girl x or y. Then the kids are voting. I'm very concerned about this. My child isn't responding so she's calling him out for it. I have took him off the chats but she keeps adding him. I fear this could lead to bullying. Unfortunately some of his pals who he's close with have interacted with all of this and I just feel it's all peer pressure. I want him to delete the whole WhatsApp but he likes sending pictures to his aunts and uncles etc. Anyway my AIBU is do I tell the teacher. Obviously if she addresses the whole class the kids will figure out it might have come from my kid as he was the only one to leave the chat. And I don't want him to get left out or bullied for it. Im in two minds
I wish I never got the blooming phone now. What do I do. I feel so sad for him

Are you in any kind of Parents WhatsApp group that you could mention something about these type of messages, no need to mention the perpetrators names

KillerTomato7 · 16/01/2025 23:17

DaisyChain505 · 16/01/2025 11:28

This is nothing to do with the school.

Parents need to be doing the parenting.

Sit your son down and talk to him about the importance of thinking about what we say and put online and that it is there forever.

Get him to watch educational videos (try nspcc etc) about internet safety.

Do your own research on parental controls and get them on to the highest security.

Let you son know that a smart phone is a privilege not a necessity and it can be changed for a brick phone at any time.

Make sure he knows that you can have access to his phone at any time and that at night the phone isn’t allowed in his bedroom.

If you don’t want him on certain apps, delete and make sure he can’t redownload.

Remember he is your child not your friend. Be cruel to be kind.

It won't have "nothing to do with the school" though, if bullying on this WhatsApp group bleeds into bullying at school. I think that's a near certainty, given that these kids are only 11 years old and are already rating girls' physical attractiveness.

sunflowersblooming · 16/01/2025 23:28

Set it so he has to approve to be added and don't let him join school ones. My child same age lets me read (willingly) all her messages so I monitor them. Her groups so far have mainly been fine - her 'ex boyfriend' is currently trying to make her jealous on one talking about another girl but she thinks it's funny thankfully! If I made her give it up she'd miss out on a lot (random trips to park/meet ups etc). And WhatsApp has really helped develop friendships outside of extra curricular activities.

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 23:45

FranticHare · 16/01/2025 22:34

Someone needs to let my kids secondary school know that….

All home work via apps, teachers emailing pupils, school clubs contacting students, sports teams sorted via this way too.

I understand the want to keep phones away from kids, while they can be a fabulous way for kids to communicate with family and friends, they can be truly awful.

But I genuinely believe you need to teach your child how to use the technology. Manage the negatives and embrace the positives.

Bit like if you ban all sugar as toddlers, they get to a party and are off their heads on cake, chocolate and sweets. They learn no regulation.

Show quote history

If the school is using WhatsApp to kids mobiles, they're in dodgy grounds regarding safeguarding.

So what if homework is on apps? Doesn't mean he needs to take it to school, and a Chromebook or tablet will have all the same apps.

Kids can check emails on tablets/laptops/chromebooks.

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 23:46

SoMentallyDrained · 16/01/2025 22:17

Also I don't know of any schools where phones are confiscated until the end of term...

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Our school will confiscate until end of term, there's a blanket ban. If kids are found with anything other than a brick phone (that has to be in a locked pouch) they're confiscated.

Brick phones in pouches all day, only unlocked at school end.

fanaticalfairy · 16/01/2025 23:47

SoMentallyDrained · 16/01/2025 22:16

As someone mentioned earlier in the thread, homework is online now in most schools, as is communication with teachers (ClassCharts?)

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So what? Doesn't mean he needs to take a smart phone to school...

MumChp · 16/01/2025 23:57

Parental control... Just saying.
I won't have my young kids in these groups.
If the bypass the rules they have a week without phone/tablet. Homework app is wached dad/by me anyway.

Orangeandgold · 17/01/2025 00:40

It’s a very difficult one but we are a generation of parents that need to build trust and communication with our children more than any generation (in my opinion). Online and digital is a world of their own, and it is scary how little we can know about what they are exposed to. Which is why open communication is key.

Yes, it is scary, but I agree with PP that have said he cannot be trusted if he is doing things in secret, and you need to have the conversation about why it’s wrong. You also need to have conversations about there being consequences to what he does digitally, as there are for what he does in person. My DD is a teen and we are all learning about the balance between virtual and physical.

Take the phone off him and let him go without. Highlight that you will not condone any drama. Regularly check his phone.

Hufflemuff · 17/01/2025 07:06

Just tell him to leave the chat and if he's added again, tell him to leave again and get him to tell this girl to stop adding him! He's got to learn to stand up for himself like that. If he gets a bit of stick at school for not being in the group, that's part of a life lesson he has to learn about brushing things off, standing up for himself and building resilience.

My DD friend added some pictures of another child mocking them in the class whatsapp group. My DD was in the background of the image with her friend. I was furious with her for not telling her friend to stop taking the pictures, but also because now any other parents who check their kids phone may assume my DD and her dickhead friend did this nasty thing together. My DD wasn't in the group when it was shared (thank god) but since that event she's been banned from having whatsapp groups! She gets re-added all the time, but a credit to her, i check the messages and she's always saying "i told you I'm not allowed whatsapp groups!" and leaves. The parent of the girl who had her pictures shared and mocked in the group contacted the school and the school were brilliant, they spoke to the whole class and did a mini session in PSHCE that week that focused on online bullying. They called the parents of the child involved etc.... so they really did get involved (even though they can't punish).

Hufflemuff · 17/01/2025 07:09

JacquesHarlow · 16/01/2025 21:09

He got an entire smartphone for Christmas just for a 10 min walk?

Can you be my mum please?

Show quote history

Anything that can happen on a 1 hour walk can happen on a 10 minute walk...