To think it isn’t appropriate (nursery)

[CherryCheery]

For a member of staff to kiss a child (17 months old) on the temple.

YABU. I loved knowing that my kids would be hugged, kissed and comforted at nursery in situations demanding it. It was always entirely appropriate.

I think Mumsnet should (and will) delete @onceuponatimelived 's posts.

Very similar to the bonkers posts on another thread about watching YouTube where the poster just doubled down and the posts got more and more ridiculous and offensive 🙄

YABU. I would want my children to feel cared for and have affection

This is such an odd comparison. I wouldn’t expect my boss to read me stories, change my nappy or pat me on the back as I fell asleep. Do you think nursery staff should be discussing spreadsheets with the babies and sending them emails?

The people looking after your child may be strangers to the parent but baby and worker are very familiar to one another as they spend most of the working day together. Sometimes five days a week. In those instances you have to be affectionate or the children become institutionalised.

If you can’t see the difference in providing care for a tiny child and having appropriate interaction with an adult employee then there is something missing. Babies and infants need warm, engaged caregivers in whatever setting they are in, this of course is very different from a professional work environment!

We made that choice too. I also made the choice to have a shorter maternity leave.

The horror. 😱

Sounds odd but has this person got a child of their own? Even odder, but could be muscle memory. Hug then kiss their own, hug, then accidentally kiss a different child of similar age. I can see how this could happen

I was always happy with key workers hugging my children but I would have drawn a line with kissing. I agree children need affection but there's plenty of ways to show that without kissing. It's a bit of a stretch to him from not kissing to not showing a child affection for hours.

My childminders kisses and cuddles my daughter and I love that's she's being shown love and safety outside our home

@BarbaraHoward ask your provider. It is more common to have someone with QTS in a publicly run setting.

From experience publicly funded nurseries were much better than private. Private are fantastic at image but staff were quite poorly paid and less experienced. I understand this isn’t everywhere but I worked in quite a few in inner London and wages and conditions were shocking in some of the private nurseries. Again, I understand this isn’t the same everywhere.

Kissing a child on the temple ? Of course it's ok - what a sad society where sone people think it isn't

Babies and young children love kisses and cuddles. Those of you saying that nursery staff should be “professional” and show no physical affection - are you expecting them to push toddlers away when they ask for a cuddle? What about non-mobile babies who need carrying from one place to another? How is carrying a baby securely any different to a cuddle? Would you like them to verbally announce “THIS IS NOT A CUDDLE, I AM BEING PROFESSIONAL” to the babies as they pick them up? What if a child is badly injured and in need of comfort? Should they be left lying on the ground without anyone cuddling them or holding their hand whilst they wait for an ambulance?

I have quite extensive safeguarding training, and a nursery worker cuddling a toddler or dropping a kiss on the top of their head is not remotely a concern. If someone was being cold, robotic and unaffectionate, on the other hand, this would be far more of a red flag.

Wouldn’t bother me at all, a forehead kiss is a very gentle expression of affection and little children need affectionate physical touch from their caregivers. However, it’s your right to ask them not to kiss your child if it makes you uncomfortable.

If you don't like it tell them not to with your child.

Both my DS's loved their nursery staff, one in particular.
She was brilliant at her job and small town famous for being so brilliant.
They definitely got the odd kiss on the head from her.
Personal choice of course, but I was so, so glad she was looking after them in such a warm and natural way (same as home)! They're 19 and 17 now and they still talk about her with affection.

Hardly the same as your boss kissing you in a professional setting - that's a ridiculous comparison. A good nursery recreates a home style environment, with lots of play and a bit of fun education, not a fucking corporate boardroom!

Is this a joke? Your baby's not at work, nursery isn't her job!

Blimey.
When mine were at nursery they were showered with affection. I'm sure the were kissed too.
I never thought it inappropriate. And I can't bring myself to think it is now.

Amazing how polarised the views are. I can see why it probably isn’t a good idea for nursery staff to kiss children but I’d be grateful for them being loving and affectionate to my child. Do you wish to rock the boat and they be hands off with your child for fear that they’ve cuddled her too much?

I imagine you don't have to change your bosses nappy either.

Babies are not the same as adults developmentally. Surely you know this.

I'm so disturbed for all these poor babies whos parents expect them to be deprived of warmth and affection. No wonder MH health issues are going through the roof.

School Nurseries have always had to have a qualified teacher in charge. When I did my BEd I specialised in the 3 to 8 age range and worked in either School Nursery or Reception for 30 years. Private nurseries aren't required to have a qualified teacher, if they do I doubt if they are on the usual teacher pay scale. There used to be a strict divide between nursery education overseen by the LA Education department and child care overseen by Social Services. This became blurred in the 90s when Nursery Vouchers and, later, funded places were introduced.

As a Nursery Teacher I've never kissed a child but always gave a cuddle if it was needed. My daughter was in a Day Nursery (child care provider) and was glad that, as a baby, she was given affection and felt safe and loved.

No, it’s not appropriate and potentially dangerous for the child. People from different generations don’t necessarily agree so I’d be raising it as an issue of something you’re uncomfortable with but respectfully.

Working at a nursery they should really already be well trained regarding the dangers (cold sores, RSV etc) and acceptable boundaries.

Also, people advocating that you should be eager and willing to let someone outside the family kiss your baby lest their mental health take a nosedive seriously need to get a grip. Your baby will be getting plenty of love and affection at home and with family and friends, besides, they don’t need kisses to show that they’re loved, there are many ways to display affection to a child without that.

@B0xes
How about a primary teacher or secondary?
At what point do we find it unacceptable. A reception teacher?

Every person on this thread who works in childcare has said it is inappropriate.

It is invaluable to have key workers who care for our children and have an affection towards them, but kissing is crossing a line.

There have been times where I have been holding a child and my natural reaction would be to kiss them on the forehead but then another natural reaction kicks in and tells me this is not my child and it is crossing a line.

They are vetted, or do you think that parents are just leaving their children with just anybody? Over the top response.