To think it isn’t appropriate (nursery)

[CherryCheery]

For a member of staff to kiss a child (17 months old) on the temple.

This!

Are cuddles at nursery OK? That's also touch through the guise of affection.

These comments are wild!

As PP have said children need love and affection. This comes from parents and loved ones. Nursery staff can give affection by appropriate touch that doesn’t include kissing, hugging as an example.

As another PP has mentioned there is a level of professionalism that should be maintained and you wouldn’t expect your boss to kiss you on your forehead.
Would you allow your child’s primary teacher or secondary teacher to kiss them on the forehead?

There are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed when working in this role.
Staff care for your children very much but I would definitely see this as a safeguarding concern.

I have been close to all of my children’s key workers and still speak to some 10 years later. They would cuddle my children all the time but never kiss.

I have been working in education for almost 20 years in a variety of different roles and if this was raised there could be serous consequences. However innocent it is, which I am sure this is, but there are boundaries that need to be maintained and this is definitely crossing the line.

Please look up 'key worker' theory.

Under 2s need to feel attachment to a primary care giver. The overwhelming evidence is that that should be a mother (obviously dad's can take the role but the research showed that children had better outcomes when it was a mother who was the primary care giver). In the modern world it's not always possible for mothers not to work and fulfil this role so a child care worker needs to take on this consistent role. I think it's perfectly reasonable for a consistent care giver to develop a caring, affectionate relationship with a baby or toddler which may involve a peck on the forehead or temple.

As a child develops and gets older that sort of thing is phased out but for my baby, I'd be delighted that someone offered my child comfort if I was absent.

A childminder once kissed my child on the lips. It made me gag and decided at that exact moment to pull her out

A kiss on the temple wouldn't bother me though

I think it's lovely. It's instinctive I think when you are caring for a small child.

You're hugging a baby/very young child - child is loving the cuddle... It's automatic and natures to give a little kiss on top of head.

Bloody hell, if I was working at a nursery and showing a baby some love and the mother complained, I'd tell her to stay home with her child, instead of dictating strange non existent rules.

My babies have been in childcare 5 days a week since they were 8 months. I'd find it rather sad if no one showed them affection in that time, although I've never thought about kissing. I wouldn't be at all cross if they kissed my child on the temple, but I can also understand if the rules are that you don't kiss a child.

Children under 2 need to feel.bonded with their caregivers in a way that older children do not with teachers. And the further comparison with an adult and their boss is just wildly irrelevant!

This is such a sad, sick post.

I can't bear the thought of a very young child needing comfort and not being given it. Absolutely nothing inappropriate about a forehead kiss, it's sad that some think otherwise.

Have you actually got any kids? Cos the hugging/affection is rife these days - it was one of the things that surprised me when my own DS went to nursery and then primary.

Has other ops have said affection is all part of kids developing these days. I’ve never seen any kissing personally but I couldn’t get bent out of shape about it.

Wouldn’t bother me. I’d be happy they cared and were affectionate. Do we expect nursery staff to be robots and display no affection?

We are in France and I think there’s more kissing at our nursery than in our house 😂😂😂

Imagine your boss kissed you on the temple at work because you performed well that day

Comparing the relationship between a baby and a nursery worker to that of a boss and employee is just silly.

it is NOT a childcarers job to be affectionate to other peoples children

What? Not at all? No hugs? No hugs for an upset toddler?

a virtual unvetted stranger.

They aren't strangers, nor are they unvetted. The staff that look after my DD2 3 days a week know her well, and I've known them for 5 years because they also looked after DD1 when she was there.

I'm actually borderline on the kissing - I've never seen the staff at DD's nursery do it, and I think I'd maybe think it was unusual. But these comments here about strangers and affection not being part of the job are ridiculous.

Each to their own. It seems like its the mothers whose kids see their teachers more than their parents who have a problem with me saying I wouldn't allow a caregiver to kiss my child.

My child is given all the affection they need at home therefore don't yearn for it from caregivers. Furthermore, I personally wouldn't put a 17 month old baby in childcare but again, each to their own.

Depending on the teacher, circumstances etc. Cuddles and a handhold can be an acceptable form of reassurance from teachers IF the child permits it, however another adult kissing my child would be a no from me personally.

But again, Each. To. Their. Own.

Lips is entirely different because of the herpes risk, and because of potential for confusion around abuse boundaries. I'd be angry with anyone even in the family kissing lips.

YANBU. Our nursery actually has this covered in a policy.

Kissing is considerably more intimate than a cuddle.

I kissed a child on the head once (school nursery age so 3) they’d come in for a cuddle when tired and I’d absentmindedly kissed them on top of the head, my own dc were a similar age at the time so I suppose autopilot had kicked in my brain.
Its never happened any other time in my 15+ years of working in schools though and I wouldn’t be upset if it had happened to one of of my own dc, same with cuddles (as long as they’re initiated by the child)

At 17 months I’m guessing they’re in a private nursery so a small group spend all day with the same few members of staff, it’s lovely that they have a good bond

Not completely appropriate but having worked in childcare for a long time at one point you do get very attached to the children and them to you.
You are working long hours and you see them a few days of the week. You do naturally feel affection towards them.

I wouldn’t have kissed a child I was working with because it isn’t professional (lots of hugs though!) but don’t find it weird that someone did. I would say unless there is more context be careful of what you do as this staff member clearly is affectionate to your child and that’s not a bad thing if your child is comfortable with it as you could then very uncomfortable.

I would be very glad of it.

I genuinely can't remember if anyone ever kissed our babies, but they were at nursery from 10 months five days a week and the staff were most definitely not strangers. Especially in the baby room with the low ratios. One of the very first people to look after DC1 was room lead by the time DC2 was there and still is. She still does the odd bit of babysitting for us 6 years later.

I don't think you can view the relationship with nursery staff in purely professional terms. Our DC are there as a home substitute and they need that personal relationship.

I would have said it's not ok... BUT one of my kids had such a close relationship with a nursery teacher that the teacher would do this. She absolutely adored my kid and couldn't wait to see her, kiss her, cuddle. The joy was real on both sides!
She treated her like a family member and literally cried her eyes out when she left for school. Offered to babysit, still in contact now many years later.
It was a wonderful relationship and it made everyone very happy.

Prime example….

A 10 month old baby and put in a nursery five days a week, of course you will be glad if a teacher kisses your child because you are not there to do it most days. They are being raised by those teachers essentially but perhaps your view would be starkly different if you spent seven days a week confidently showering your child with affection. 💐

if you do have dc and send them to nursery then how do you know they’re not physically touched?
Also if you’re so terrified that a nursery worker may show physical affection towards your dc then perhaps it’s not an appropriate setting for them.
The nursery workers are not strangers, they care for the dc more than most gps.