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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking lodger to leave. Does he have rights?

229 replies

MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 22:24

I am a lone parent and have 2 adult children as well as 3 younger ones. One of my adult children asked if her friend could come to stay with us as his home situation wasn't good(he lived in supported accommodation and said it affected his mental health)I know this friend and agreed. He's here on the understanding that it wasn't permanent and he needed to sort out something with the homeless team. 8months later and he's still here doing nothing to help his living situation. I feel he's taking the piss. My 8 year old is saying she hates him as he winds her up purposely then shouts when she retaliates. He has doubled my bills with his eating habits he takes everything in excess leaving little without a thought that others need to eat. He puts the heating on and has upped my gas bill hugely. He does pay board as such £100 per month which doesn't even cover the extra food I have to buy to replace everything he uses let alone the fact that my other bills have gone up as he sits up all night using my internet leaving lights on and leaving heating on.he doesn't do his laundry he seems to expect me to do it and leaves all his dirty clothing in my bathroom he doesn't wash up after himself and he doesn't even purchase his own toiletries. He barely washes and just sleeps all day to the point I can't even have visitors as he makes them feel uncomfortable as he's sofa surfing at mine.(My house isn't big enough to give him a bedroom) I have given him 2 weeks to sort out somewhere permanent to live as we can no longer tolerate feeling like we can't even enjoy our home without him literally waiting for visitors to leave and making it obvious that he doesn't want them there. He even tried to tell me my eldest cannot come to my house unless I'm here at home which to be honest if she wants to come over she's allowed to as she sometimes likes to be here when I come home from work. He's told a mutual friend that I've been unreasonable to ask him to move out and now he's making me uncomfortable in my own home as he keeps giving sly nasty looks all the time. There's no tenancy agreement or anything but does he have any rights to not leave?as I have a feeling he's going to try to make it difficult to get him to leave

OP posts:
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5
AcrossthePond55 · 20/01/2025 14:43

@MrsRaspberry

Have you arranged getting the locks changed? Even if you got back his key, he had 'advanced notice' and could have had one cut.

If you're at all handy with DIY, it's relatively easy (and much cheaper) to change out your lock barrels. There are plenty of YouTube videos showing you how.

loropianalover · 20/01/2025 14:46

ClockingOffers · 20/01/2025 14:38

Does OP have a social worker?? Don’t be so fucking condescending and bloody ridiculous. Just because you’re a bad Samaritan (Tory voter?) who would happily walk on by when they see young people suffering. Thankfully, the OP isn’t like you.

The OP is clearly a kind hearted person who has a social conscience and took in a vulnerable young adult. She knew him as a long term friend of her daughters and didn’t expect him to stay for long and take the piss after moving in. That’s on him, not the OP.

Some youngsters get dealt a shit hand at a young age and a friend of mine took in a friend of her teen son as he had no-one. His mother had died suddenly and his crappy father had previously remarried with a new family and said he didn’t have room for him to live with them. Lad was lovely and very grateful and stayed with them until he got accepted by the Army.

Eh? 🤣 I am not the only poster to see potential vulnerabilities with the OP. What’s wrong with having a social worker? They’re there to help. It was an option I thought OP could utilise if she had one, as she was clearly being taken advantage of. Anyone can be/become vulnerable, it’s certainly not condescending to suggest so - why would it be?

I also have never lived in the UK so no I am not a ‘Tory voter’…. or a bad Samaritan! 🤣🤣

Not sure what your last paragraph has to do with the thread, as the teen you described is nothing like the ‘lodger’ described by OP. It’s a completely different situation.

WhenSallymetBarry · 20/01/2025 14:49

Starlight7080 · 20/01/2025 14:41

I didn't even read your full first post .
He never should have moved in! It's not fair on your children .
Especially as he upsets them
You need to get rid and don't do somthing so stupid again

.

oldmoaner · 20/01/2025 15:01

Glad he's now gone, sometimes we try to help and get taken advantage of.

MrsRaspberry · 20/01/2025 15:02

Daleksatemyshed · 20/01/2025 14:30

Of course he's not happy about being in a HMO, there's no one there who will do his washing/cooking or let him pay next to nothing to stay there.
Lots of posters can't understand why you let him move in Op but your DD vouched for him, not her fault, no doubt he seemed OK and she'll have believed he'd be grateful. It would interesting to know his DMs side of the story as to why she chucked him out, he wasn't the innocent he made himself out to be

I'd love to hear his mum's side myself. All we knew is that he was in a YMCA after he left his mum's due to what he described as living in an abusive household that she was apparently a drunk and left him practically raising her children whilst she was in the pub every night of the week. He had no contact with his mum at all. Yet his mum still has all of his younger siblings living with her so I can imagine he's probably lied to all of his friends about his mum to gain some sympathy. He collected his belongings a couple days after he was told to leave and he asked me if "one of the lads from the house" could come with him to collect his things from my home. I said his new "friend" is not to come to my door as I don't know the guy and neither does he. He apparently took friends to his mum's when he left there too and they caused trouble for his mum from what I've heard so I wasn't going to trust him bringing some randomer to my door

OP posts:
MoetUndChandon · 20/01/2025 15:15

Thank god he's gone!

Daleksatemyshed · 20/01/2025 15:18

Considering how little he did at your house Op I'd seriously doubt he was raising his siblings. Bringing someone with him to collect his stuff's interesting, I wonder what dreadful story he told them about you?

Caroparo52 · 20/01/2025 15:28

What! You are being taken for a complete ride op. And its costing you money which could be useful for your own family. He's a complete piss taker. Stick to your guns. And change the locks behind him.
He's not your responsibility. No guilt.

Abitofalark · 20/01/2025 15:49

MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 23:04

He's been told he has to go. I was just genuinely asking does he have rights if he decides to try to be difficult about it. He has a week(even less if he carries on making things difficult). Tough if he's found nowhere else as awful as it sounds.He's just trying to make things awkward and most likely lying about seeking housing advice as whatever he's saying he is being advised doesn't sound right in my opinion

He is a lodger, contrary to what has been posted on here. As such, he has a right to reasonable notice to leave. Usually reasonable notice would be deemed a week for someone who pays weekly or a month's notice for someone who pays monthly but it's not a fixed rule that must be adhered to in all cases; there could be circumstances where you need someone to leave sooner (or even with no notice), e g because of their unreasonable behaviour; that could range from a threat or danger to you or others or refusing to pay for his lodging or causing you severe difficulties such as disrupting your family life or running up bills you cannot afford to pay or generally refusing to cooperate in any way to the point of disruption and disrespect to you, your children, your house and family generally.

Did you give him notice in writing? The advantage of doing that is that you would have evidence of having given reasonable notice. He can't argue that you didn't give him any notice. You could follow up the notice with a written reminder that he is due to leave on a specific date according to the prior notice and make clear that he will not be allowed to live in the house after that date.

You can advise him to take his belongings with him but if he leaves any behind, legally you have to keep them for a reasonable period to allow him to collect them. After that you could dispose of them.

At the practical level of getting him out you mentioned his having lived previously at the YMCA - since they know him, have you thought of contacting the YMCA, explaining the problems you are having with him and asking if they can help you out by giving him temporary accommodation so that he leaves?

If he refuses to leave, you would be wise to get advice from the CAB, local law centre, Shelter or a solicitor about the legal position and liabilities, before taking action such as locking him out and leaving his belongings outside. If necessary, you could call the police for assistance if he refuses to go and tensions escalate. @

Spirallingdownwards · 20/01/2025 15:50

No rights.

Pack his bags and out on doorstep. Change your locks.

EPN · 20/01/2025 16:08

Yeah you can't let a random person shout at your kid. Why is this even happening....my husband isn't even allowed to shout at my kid!

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 20/01/2025 16:12

I've worked with those that have outstayed their welcome and they are rarely helped by being allowed to do what probably led to them being homeless in the first place.

ClockingOffers · 20/01/2025 16:20

@Abitofalark maybe try reading ALL the OP’s post’s before posting incorrect advice? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Abitofalark · 20/01/2025 16:27

ClockingOffers · 20/01/2025 16:20

@Abitofalark maybe try reading ALL the OP’s post’s before posting incorrect advice? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why don't you try not being gratuitously rude as well as wrong?

HipToTheHopDontStop · 20/01/2025 16:28

MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 22:43

I get what you're saying. He lived in a YMCA. I was being genuinely kind to a friend of my daughter's in a crappy situation with no family support of his own and unfortunately he's taken the piss. I've not brought in a complete stranger to my home. I sincerely wish I'd said no knowing what I do now and honestly didn't think he would take the piss to this extent. Safe to say I will no longer extend my kindness like this and my kids mates can sort out their own shit.

You weren't being very "kind" to your young child(ren) and you still aren't. What on earth possessed you to do, and continue to do, such a stupid thing?

SprySheep · 20/01/2025 16:28

He has absolutely no righty’s whatsoever, you’ve given notice, if this date comes & goes without him leaving, change the locks pack his bags. I’m a landlord. He has no AST, he’s a lodger. If you want to cover yourself then write a letter with a formal notice, signed & dated. As he pays rent monthly then this notice period should also be a month.

Dotto · 20/01/2025 16:29

RTFT FFS! 😡😡😡

GrannyJJ · 20/01/2025 16:36

Stop calling him a lodger. He’s a friend of your child who you tried to help out. He made some contribution to food but it was not a lodging agreement so don’t refer to him as that. And the first time someone annoys your kids, they leave there and then. You put them out as your child needs to know their health and safety takes priority of someone dossing on your couch. If you want to be kind you do it on a weekday when the council offices are open and you pass them a phone number of the homeless team. You were doing a favour nothing more. Put him out in the morning if you haven’t already

Whammyyammy · 20/01/2025 16:39

He's not even a lodger. He's taking the mick and also winding your children up.
He'd be gone tonight if me.

Dotto · 20/01/2025 16:40

Dies a death...

HipToTheHopDontStop · 20/01/2025 16:44

Dotto · 20/01/2025 16:29

RTFT FFS! 😡😡😡

Who is this aimed at?

lessglittermoremud · 20/01/2025 16:47

ClockingOffers · 20/01/2025 14:38

Does OP have a social worker?? Don’t be so fucking condescending and bloody ridiculous. Just because you’re a bad Samaritan (Tory voter?) who would happily walk on by when they see young people suffering. Thankfully, the OP isn’t like you.

The OP is clearly a kind hearted person who has a social conscience and took in a vulnerable young adult. She knew him as a long term friend of her daughters and didn’t expect him to stay for long and take the piss after moving in. That’s on him, not the OP.

Some youngsters get dealt a shit hand at a young age and a friend of mine took in a friend of her teen son as he had no-one. His mother had died suddenly and his crappy father had previously remarried with a new family and said he didn’t have room for him to live with them. Lad was lovely and very grateful and stayed with them until he got accepted by the Army.

Perfectly said 👏
One of my friends took in her Son’s friend that he had known for a number of years. Mum had met a new bloke, who had swiftly moved in and made it very clear the 17 year old was unwelcome in the house and his Mother took the new boyfriends side, leaving the poor kid with no one in his corner.
He stayed with them until he went Uni, he treats them like his own family and vice versa.
OP didn’t take a random person off the streets, but someone known to two of OPs children for a number of years. It sounds like he took them for granted and treated the other people in the house like he probably treated his own family, winding up the younger children and being a total slob.
OP well done for standing your ground in the end, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Dotto · 20/01/2025 16:47

HipToTheHopDontStop · 20/01/2025 16:44

Who is this aimed at?

All of y'all not realising the OP already chucked him out days ago, because you haven't bothered to read all of her posts.

HipToTheHopDontStop · 20/01/2025 16:48

Dotto · 20/01/2025 16:47

All of y'all not realising the OP already chucked him out days ago, because you haven't bothered to read all of her posts.

Del

HipToTheHopDontStop · 20/01/2025 16:50

Read it, realised it, doesn't change my point in the slightest.

OP needs to do some serious work to make it up to the children, and in herself to work out what the fuck she thought she was doing.

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