Pregnant again but already have 9 month old twins - Is it possible to manage 3 under 18 months?!

[OnePintWonder]

So the title says it all...

Despite using condoms, I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Based on my LMP I think I'm about 5-6 weeks.

Whilst we talked about my partner having the snip when I was pregnant with the twins, after they were born he never mentioned it again. I made a few hints about it but he never seemed to take any action and we continued to rely on condoms.

I'm really conflicted - I fully understand when people don't continue with pregnancy when they aren't ready or not in the right relationship.... but we are both nearly 40, both have good careers and absolutely adore my partner... the thought of having an abortion makes me feel uncomfortable but I'm worried about how to manage with 3 kids under 18 months.

AIBU to have an abortion purely because I don't think we/I can mange 3 kids under 18months?

So, to be positive OP, it can be done, I had premature twins, which was hard work. Then not long after an unexpected third baby. Honestly, it was fine. After twins, one newborn was a breeze! So I had three under two and a half. But you have to do what’s right for you.

Don’t be stupid!
Why is it anti-women to suggest that the woman who obviously doesn’t want more children is sterilised?
Maybe her partner doesn’t want to have a vasectomy!

Yes but love means taking one for the team so your wife doesn't have to undergo a proper operation under GA.

It’ll be hard work, to say the least. Think carefully, 🤷‍♀️

Her husband raised it so why are you so against him having a vasectomy? Mine had one and drove himself home afterwards, it's a very quick and simple procedure that doesn't require a GA.

Tubal ligation has potentially more side effects, it is a more complicated procedure and requires more surgical assistance and a longer recovery time.

This isn't even a thread about that.

OP all you can do is what you think is right for you and your family. There's no easy answer so maybe consider getting some unbiased counselling.

I disagree. You don’t mutilate your body to express your love.
There is no need for unwanted pregnancies with the amount of contraception choices available.

My son wasn’t so fortunate and has been left with residual pain.
All surgical procedures are risky.

Is it doable? Of course it is. Would I want to do it? Absolutely not.

The things is having an older child then twins will be different to having twins then a baby just as the twins start toddling. You'll be pulled in three different directions with the twins running off in opposite directions just as the baby is crying, you'll need eyes in the back of your head and 3 pairs of hands. If it was the other way round, the twins would stay where you put them and you'd only need to run after the one.

So what? What's your son's testicles got to do with the op?

Hmmmm - I think if I was you I’d just put my head down and go for it. I’m pro choice (I’ve had an abortion in the past when I was very young) but I’d personally struggle to have one now I’ve got children, in a stable loving relationship and financially secure.

I know someone who had 2 kids very close (a year apart) then got pregnant by accident and it was twins; 4 under 4! Obviously it was hellish at times but they are the best of friends now.

Good luck with your decision!

Your DP didnt mention the vasectomy after the twins arrived and you hinted at it - why didn't you feel able to have a proper conversation? He wants a bigger wedding than you, he wants his DC to go to private school, he works away a lot. You're working part-time but aren't married. You sound quite vulnerable to the goodwill of your DH. I'd have a proper think about your own security and future before adding another child to the mux.

So did mine. In fact she had five under five at one point. How the poor woman retained her sanity I have no idea. I couldn’t cope with three under 18 months @OnePintWonder. The solution would be a no brainer for me.

I would have thought that obvious! 🙄

No personal experience, but my friend had three under two. It was obviously hard beyond belief but she loved it. She had three healthy babies.

The main problem was when the kids were constantly ill and she lost her job because between her and her husband, they were hardly at work.

You need to decide this between the two of you. You'll live with this forever regardless of what you choose.

My mum had 3 in 15 months - my brother and us twins. She swears it was the happiest time of her life!!!!

My only advice is that your dh says he wants the wedding to be " special ".

Everyone I know who had this situation never got married.

It was always too expensive, not the right time, needed to save up more.

I wouldn't agree to a third child unless he agrees to go next week and get married.