Pregnant again but already have 9 month old twins - Is it possible to manage 3 under 18 months?!

[OnePintWonder]

So the title says it all...

Despite using condoms, I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Based on my LMP I think I'm about 5-6 weeks.

Whilst we talked about my partner having the snip when I was pregnant with the twins, after they were born he never mentioned it again. I made a few hints about it but he never seemed to take any action and we continued to rely on condoms.

I'm really conflicted - I fully understand when people don't continue with pregnancy when they aren't ready or not in the right relationship.... but we are both nearly 40, both have good careers and absolutely adore my partner... the thought of having an abortion makes me feel uncomfortable but I'm worried about how to manage with 3 kids under 18 months.

AIBU to have an abortion purely because I don't think we/I can mange 3 kids under 18months?

With 3 children, nannies are by far the cheapest option (cheaper than 3x nursery fees!).
Or consider a mother’s help or student or au pair or someone like that to come and help you at crunch times like the 4-7pm slot or something, especially if your husband is away.

There’s a reason that ‘2 under 2’ is a known thing. I had this and I found it very hard work. So 3 kids under 2 would be twice the work of that. It really depends how up to the challenge you are and probably accepting very little social life for the next 5 years.

My cousin had 3 under 13 months. She managed fine and they grew up lovely together. All young adults now

Me too! DD was born when DS was 11 months. First year was crazy but they're so close now!

OP it's a tough one. I'm not sure I personally could cope with twins and a newborn especially as I guess the twins would be in full on toddler mode when baby arrived. But only you know your situation / finances/ mental reserves for coping with three tinies! Good luck whatever you decide.

My husbands boss had triplets and then a year later another child 😵‍💫

they managed, are still married and have happy children now in their 30s

they didn’t have help,I do t know how they did it

when your in the trenches you get through

I had 3 under five for 6 months 😑

I think if you enjoyed the first year with twins which must have been bloody hard, this will be a walk in the park (only one, in theory , and you know what you are doing this time around).
If you are already thinking you might regret it, you will. I think the age gap is mot the issue here. It’s would you stop at 2 kids or are you up for 3.

You'll find a way. If older ones are sleeping well enough and no difficult allergies or additional needs you'll manage. There will be tough times of course but you are a twin Mum, you already know all about juggling things and you can probably change a nappy in record time compared to most mothers. If you had triplets you would have managed so far. Up to you but my advice would be follow your heart more than your head on this.

This!!

It will be hard work but it'll pay off and you'll get thru all the stages at pretty much the same time!
It happened to a friend of mine, she got pregnant when her DS was a few months and then had twins. DS turned one the week the twins were born. She coped fine and they were such a sweet family growing up

So much depends upon the babies. If they were easy and you can afford a mother's help, then it's possible you'd enjoy it.

Are you a very organized person?

Are you firm with dc..can you tell them no and bear to hear them cry?

Are you structured about routines and plans?

Are you and DH on the same team as regards raising the children, is it easy and natural for both of you to back each other up when dc are testing your boundaries?

How is your health, can you take another pregnancy with two little ones at home?

All these are questions that need unequivocal answers if you want to do this without putting an immense strain on your mental/physical health and/or your marriage.

Oh I've worked that out - it was because someone said about having a nanny 5 days a week and I was pointing out that we def can't afford that!

We were planning on hiring one 3 days/week so I could go back to work when we move house but its all up in the air at present.

Ultimately your choice. I had three under 5 and there were a chaotic few years, but loved it. The third one was a surprise, and the vague thought of termination crossed my mind but I knew I would always regret it if I did. No family help, so we both adjusted work hours and reduced our life style a bit. It can be stressful at the time, but you can get 3 kids seats across an average (medium sized) car!
Hope it works out for whatever is best for you.

I had IVF for my first pregnancy, and totally understand the feeling blessed to conceive naturally afterwards. And the surprise / shock when it happens!

Honestly, if it were me, I'd be made up, seeing as it sounds like you can afford plenty of help. It sounds very manageable (obviously still tiring), with both a nanny and a cleaner. If it's something you want. You'll already have all the baby stuff from the twins, like equipment and whatnot. And as others have said, the baby phase is very short over the course of a lifetime. I think once the hardest part of having twins is over, and the dust has settled, a termination might be the sort of thing a person would end up regretting. That's just me though. Obviously neither option is "wrong" or "right" x

My stepson had his twins when his son was just under two. Sure it's a lot but they can afford to get a cleaner and childcare. Just get things organised and make sure your DH does equal parenting. Stop dropping hints and tell him he needs to get the snip.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP. I have three under five, and we are going to try for a fourth soon. My first two were born 18mo apart. I have a similar financial and social situation to you (but no cleaner... Yet!). The change in lifestyle is absolutely worth the additional child(ren).

It's not been too difficult, and my DDs absolutely adore my DS. My DH does his fair share, but I handle a lot of the day to day stuff. You just need to be very organised, which is perfectly possible.

. Could you have an au pair maybe ? It’s not the same as a nanny but it’s an extra pair of hands? What does your DH think ?

Keep in mind finding a nanny to take care of three kids under the age of 2 will be difficult.

You might need to hire two nannies, or at least be prepared to pay more than the going rate.

Childcare for 3 will be expensive but 3 teenagers will be way more so especially if they all go to university at the same time 🙈

OP, you will manage, because people do - I’m not saying it will be easy, but with a cleaner and other help, you’ll be fine. After twins, a singleton will be a walk in the park! When my twins were born, my others were 2, 3 and 5 - you just get on with it, and somehow, you manage. I do know the feeling of thinking you just won’t be able to cope, but you really will be able to.

This!!!

I'm anti abortion.

Does anyone cope with children?

Also fuck don't hint for birth control

Also pregnant with condoms? At your age.

Miracle :)

Speaking from experience it makes a big difference. Literally not enough pairs of hands. Toddlers running in different directions. Babies/toddlers on different nap schedules. It is really really hard.

bonus is that when they’re older they’re more likely to be interested in similar things which helps. Eg will all watch the same tv show or film at the cinema, happy to do same activities as each other unlike some families where they’re several years apart and one child wants to go to the playground but another to an older activity