What do you practically do if your adult child wants to live at home but cannot find a job

[AsmallabodeIsallweWant]

This really; let's say you have an adult daughter who is mentally capable and is going into her 20s but does not know how to find a job. Let's say you don't mind her living with you, but does she need to apply for a benefit or ?

It is a question really.

What are the parents' employment status and work history?

Kids need role models for this stuff. And it's hard to provide advice and support if you don't have the knowledge and experience yourself.

In my opinion the parent in this case should tell the child that their place in the home is dependent on them getting a job, failure to do so within a set time limit will result in them being booted out, so that they HAVE to stand on their own two feet.

Encouraging them to claim benefits is a slippery slope, as it then becomes too easy to sit on their backside and do nothing.

What causes the 'turbulence' about keeping a job OP?

Is there anything she’s interested in studying? STEM is very employable. I changed jobs a lot when I was young because I found retail/fast food/call centres boring and soul destroying, I couldn’t stay more than 6 months in each. Once I graduated and got a job that used my skills (data science), I enjoyed that a lot more and was much more motivated and engaged.

I've been in the situation with adult DD who is not suited for many customer facing jobs so not able to get bar work / retail etc. She has lots of savings so UC not suitable. I can afford to not charge her board, so I didn't. She was 100% looking for work in chosen field and did eventually get a job after about 1 year. It was exhausting for her and me. During that time she volunteered a little bit, learnt to drive, applied for jobs. I would feel totally different if DC was not putting the effort in or deliberately freeloading, but thankfully that was not the case.

Give her a time line. She needs to get work within 3 months. Very reaonable if you join an agency as well as apply locally. I did it. And in the meantime I went to the Job center weekley.
I managed to find permanent work through and agency after 3 months.

If she is possibly nd could she start by volunteering part time if holding down a job is an issue. Getting a diagnosis may help employers to understand. Could she consider what she wants to do and retrain? Or home working options if the work place is a challenge. I knew a young lady who sounds similar and she started off doing cleaning work before moving into a small office environment where she worked for years.

I told ds (18) he needed to be in education, employment, or volunteering to gain relevant experience. He’s had a couple of months out of work after his last job ended, and it was rocky for a while where he struggled to stay motivated with a combination of not really knowing what he wants to do and just the whole thing of getting so many knock backs.
I’m glad I was fairly firm though (obviously alongside helping him with job search / CV writing / supporting him financially) because he’s started a part time job and has a place on a college course as of this month.

Unless severely disabled she needs a job. Two of my elderly neighbours have mentally disabled children in their 50s working as trolley collectors for Tesco and Sainsbo’s. The former has recently celebrated his 30th year there and mum is so proud of him.

edited to add: so am I, and all of his mum’s neighbours. He lives independently despite his disability, which is very apparent if you net him - lovely chap.

Yes, I am, especially as she doesn't know what she really wants to do if she did leave college. Hopefully she grit her teeth and finish it. It's an extension on the qualification she gained last year and should complement it well but I don't think she is enjoying the content so much.

I've only read the OPs posts but this jumped out at me.

She can use coping strategies for ND people even without a diagnosis (although it is probably worth getting onto a waiting list for an assessment).

As her parent (if I could afford it) I would make a list of different life skills for her to accomplish and back these up with qualifications to increase her employability. So give her chance to learn how to cook a range of meals and ask her to complete a level 2 food safety certificate to add to her CV.

I'd also try and work out what sort of workplace might suit her. If punctuality is a challenge then a job somewhere with flexible start times is likely to be more successful. If a 40 hour week is too long then somewhere that offers part time hours etc.

Finally, I'd probably try and suggest that she joins some kind of hobby group so that she continues to know people outside the house and has other things in her life.

Even if she was able to find a part time job, it would give her enough money to pass a portion to her mum to go towards food and utilities, and have a fund for herself to meet with friends and a little shopping money.

I would suggest that seeking full time employment at this point would be unwise and that something 2/3 days a week would work much better.

The family really need to get to the bottom of what is hindering her. If she can't keep a job then having to manage her own time and motivate herself to study may also be very difficult. They should talk to the GP and job centre about disability assessments if they suspect she is ND.

Ditto x 100 to a job doing anything.
Doesn’t matter what. It gives at least a track record in being willing, turning up on time, etc.
I know of 2 people (no SN) who didn’t work for years, multiple excuses why not, inc. couldn’t find their ideal job. How they got away with it and continued to live on benefits I never did understand.

One of them came later to bitterly regret those idle years, and made sure her child did not follow the same path.
About the other, the less said, the better.

My friend is a single mum from abroad. She has a good job but been here not very long so needs advice. I'm foreign also but married and have a working husband. Never dealt with benefits, young adult issues so I need the advice to pass it on

We are from a culture where people don't have issues living intergenerational. One friend came here with her two young adults and they work and support her. You have all kinds of cases. This one wants to do things as the British do them.

If there are MH issues or behaviour problems then that also must be addressed. A part time job at the very least. As well as shop work, there always seems to be a need for swimming instructors, child care or something outdoors like gardeners. Job opportunities exist outside of hospitality and retail. I’m afraid any adult under my roof needs to be in gainful employment. Signing on wouldn’t be an option unless the adult couldn’t work due to a disability.

This sounds perfect

Being kept by your parents is much easier that having to account for work search etc to the DWP weekly. Also missing out on some opportunities probably.

So, in that case, assuming your friend's daughter has a good command of English, I suggest she phones the Citizens Advice Universal Credit "Help to Claim" service on 0800 144 8 444 (or chat with an adviser online, available Monday to Friday, 8 AM to 6 PM - when the service is available she will see a "Talk to an Adviser" button at the bottom of the page from this link: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/claiming/contact-us-about-universal-credit/ )
The CA HTC adviser can help her with:

• establishing her eligibility to claim UC and, if eligible,
• completing the online application form,
• providing evidence, and
• preparing for her first jobcentre appointment.

They do offer access to a neurodiverse provision actually. They also have specialist disability advisors.

I definitely wouldn't be encouraging my child to claim benefits unless there was a very good (medical) reason why they couldn't work. I believe that benefits are there for emergencies, not because someone hasn't learnt to apply for a job. There's plenty of help out there to help her learn to find a job. Her not holding down a job is something she needs to work on...offering her the 'get-out' clause of benefits is unlikely to benefit her in the long run. I'd give her a couple of months to find a job before rent is due. Mine are talking about coming home after uni and I'll be taking this approach.

How do you know that is the case if you haven't tried it?

I imagine they are quite used to dealing with ASD young people.

I thought ASD folks preferred to be treated like anyone else, so why wouldn't they engage like anyone else, unless they are genuinely not able to?

You can't "force" anyone to do a degree!! And do you think that someone who can't hold down a job is going to be successful in uni? Really?!

Do you realise how demanding medicine for one example is, and how difficult it is to get into? MFL with a year abroad???

Sorry but this YP doesn't have a hope of that! Totally unrealistic!

This. How do you force someone to do a degree, let alone one that is highly competitive to get into, such as medicine?
A degree in anything at all is at least 3 years. If someone is struggling with maintaining interest/motivation then they wont last 3 months, let alone years.

Yes, really. After school I could not hold a job down - boring, boring, boring and when the world of higher education opened up for me, I was mesmerised and studied so hard, was so interested, that I applied to do a PhD.

I know a few people that forced their children - and I know a person who forced her dc to study medicine (dc had no relevant grades) through Access to Medicine programme. Just had a long chat and described the future without qualifications very vividly, threatened disinheriting. Maybe 'forced' is the wrong word. Better say 'made her dc to go to uni'. And I know countless people who 're-programmed' their children - one dc wanted to be an actress, another professional figure skater, they all went to universities to get useful degrees, the figure skater is now a prosthetics specialist, the actress is an English teacher. Those parents took an interest in their children as best they could - they did not stand back and say 'let them make their own mistakes' because if you let your children make their own mistakes, they will be like my dear brother - a kitchen porter at 56, still working, with a hernia. Or even worse - a 50-year old actress who dreamed of the RSC but is now a fake patient or whatever they are called at medical student training sessions. You have to force your children into higher education, I am afraid.