What do you practically do if your adult child wants to live at home but cannot find a job

[AsmallabodeIsallweWant]

This really; let's say you have an adult daughter who is mentally capable and is going into her 20s but does not know how to find a job. Let's say you don't mind her living with you, but does she need to apply for a benefit or ?

It is a question really.

I haven't worded it properly. Not knowing how to keep job

Well I think it depends on your circumstances and and tolerance and money.

If you have a large enough house, money and u get on well.. Does it matter.
Can you help her with buying in help therapy, etc to get to the bottom of it. Can she temp?

If your in a cramped flat and she's being abusive and you have no money then k wouldn't say abandon her at all but it's going to be much harder.

Jobs aren't as easy to find these days as some people think.
It's not like it was 20+ years ago, or even 10 years ago.
Every position has many many applicants, especially retail or part time positions.

If she was looking and trying, I'd help as much as I could.

But... There is absolutely no way in this world that I'd kick my kid out into the street, not in this life time..
The chance of getting involved in drugs, alcohol, prostitution etc is too high.

In the short term, Universal Credit claim and help with CVs and such.

She needs to sign up for universal credit, attend any jobseeking courses/support they offer, sign up with temp agencies etc. I would want to see her actively trying and also pulling her weight around the house. I would've been subbing a 20 year old who wanted to lie in bed until noon click on Indeed and tell you there are no jobs

As a parent you teach them how to keep a job.

Or you have them sign on for UC and let them learn that way that they have to attend work meetings, apply for things, or their benefits will be cut. And no job means no money.

@HenDoNot Your very lucky not to understand this.

No able confident normal person would do that would they.

Consider yourself lucky and ask yourself how your post has benefited the op, remember this is a support site.

So why is she losing jobs if the problem is keeping rather than getting them?

And she was probably hit by covid at around 17 /18 when most teens are looking for work

Look OP we can't comment. Turbulence in keeping a job could describe anything from youthful unreliability, poor mental health (possibly undiagnosed), drug addiction etc etc etc.

Personally I would be supporting a 19yo and expecting her to work, but everyone has a limit to the support they can provide, including financial.

I don't have the answer to this yet. Only getting advice for a very shy friend

Yes, I cover them. Gym, Driving Lessons, phones etc.

shes “high functioning” ASD, she’s learning how to apply for jobs, by applying for jobs .. no success atm, but as I say to her “the more applications you do, the better you’ll become at it”

I’m not chucking her into to DWP misery

Even if you could afford for them not to be in work or claim UC for themselves, it's the parents job to make them stand on their own feet and gain independence. It will do them no good in the long term if they are being carried.

My then 20 year old lived at home and was on UC but that was during the pandemic. When she got a job which involved shift work, she stayed on it for a while, and they gave her top ups when her pay pay was lower. She gave it up (UC) after a while as she didn't want to attend irl meetings rather than phone ones. Younger sibling has worked from when they were in college (vocational course) and never claimed UC - not 20 yet.

Yes, I would love opinions on how best to proceed in practical terms , I don't know the whole background either

sit down with her and help her prepare her cv. If you aren’t able to do that help her make an appointment with the job centre.
there’s no reason why a woman in her early 20s that is in decent health can’t get work.

if it’s more about keeping the job, then I’d help her with her routine, making sure she is on time, clean, not tired,

id help and help and help because something has gone wrong in my care of her before now if she wasn’t able to do this, and I’d want to help her sort it out. Before she gets stuck in a rut of taking benefits and long term unemployment.

In that case OP I think the parent needs to have a really good discussion with dd as to why she is struggling to keep her jobs - is there a pattern there? Is she hating the jobs and completely unmotivated because of it? Is she having communication or social issues with it? Is she struggling to keep up with the expectations of her?

Would she be better doing more qualifications to hopefully get a job she is more interested in/more capable of? DS is working as a software engineer but would be shite at working in a cafe or supermarket despite those being considered jobs that pretty much anyone can do. She needs to find the right job/career for her but she needs to think about why she has struggled with the jobs she's had and what jobs might be a better fit.

Might be undiagnosed nd ....shy young lady, though lovely and capable

I will always help my DC out, however old they are, but that doesn’t necessarily keeping them and paying for everything.
If my DC hadn’t got a job and were struggling I would actively encourage them to look for one, firstly not to be too picky and apply for any job really to bring in some cash and encourage them to develop the skills they need want to do alongside this. Also that gets them into the working routine, social interaction etc

Depending on their situation ( eg zero hours can be hard sometimes) I wouldn’t necessarily take rent / board from them. I would once the earning was a bit more solid but again only the bare minimum ( I wouldn’t want them to save up and leave eventually 😂)
But, if they had a difficult health condition or disability then that’s very different and would be very much dependent upon their needs and capability, id still support and encourage them to work if they can/college etc

But
….if your DC can’t be arsed to work then…..that’s a whole different conversation.! I would be understanding initially but then there’s the real world they have to engage with!

Turbulence in keeping a job…. Meaning they keep getting fired? If that’s the case it’s probably a deep rooted issue from childhood (parents have always come to the rescue/resilience/anger issues/uncontrolled anxiety etc?) and therefore I’d probably just leave the family to it if I was you.

If it was my kid and it genuinely was bad luck that the jobs kept not working out, then I would probably give them say 3 months to find a job, any job, and I’d support them for that time while they’re looking.

PS DS is autistic.

Without wanting to sound like some Dickensian mill-owner - anyone over 18 who expects me to house them goes to work.

Ds at 16 got a very good Saturday job which was relevant to his future degree, and then got a grunt full time job clearing and washing up in a big kitchen that paid startling amounts of money. If he were struggling, I would help him as much as needed to get some kind of job and if he screwed it up, I'd find him something else until he either sorted himself out or decided it was easier to live somewhere else.

I've worked since he was 10 months old. His dad was chronically ill and a grafter. He knows that adults get up and go to work. This isn't a <question>.

Then then they need to tell their kid to buck up and get a job. Being mid 20s and not able to hold down a job is ridiculous.

Sorry to be harsh but if shes both lovely and capable then she wouldn’t keep getting fired or quitting surely. Not getting a job in the first place could just be bad luck but repeatedly quitting/giving up or being fired…. Usually because of some issue at least.

Definitely try get to apply for benefits whilst she’s looking for work.

I would be helping her look for work/further education.

She also needs to be pitching in with the housework.

The daughter wants to live at home. The mother would love to have her there. What exactly is the problem?