What do you practically do if your adult child wants to live at home but cannot find a job

[AsmallabodeIsallweWant]

This really; let's say you have an adult daughter who is mentally capable and is going into her 20s but does not know how to find a job. Let's say you don't mind her living with you, but does she need to apply for a benefit or ?

It is a question really.

It wasn’t you I was asking, I wanted to know if she could have possibly already spent her time doing a short course or something and if she could build from that if it was something she was interested in it

The girl needs to be trained for something, that will give her confidence. She must have some ideas about what she could do, be interested in.

If she were my daughter I would keep her for now but help her to work out what she wants, find details of courses, etc.

Yes, insist that the child has a job or is studying.
Make it clear that if they want to swap jobs they need a new one before they leave the first.

Also make it clear that they will contribute XX per week to household bills and they will need to still pay that if they are sacked. (So they need some savings)
Have a list of two or three local charitiesthat DC can volunteer at while they are out of work.
Make it a yearly 'board and lodging'.
Have a date each year (maybe a week after their birthday) where you will renegotiate the terms. You can always ask them to find other accommodation then.

I don’t know exactly how much UC a single young person would get at the moment but when DS was applying for internships after university it was around £70-80 a week of which he gave me £50
He had to actively look for work for 30+ hours per week and agree to do things like unpaid work trials
If this young person needs additional help they need to apply for benefits and work with their job coach to find something suitable whether that be a job, volunteering, work experience etc

Turbulence in keeping jobs is often a sign of ADHD.

ADHD and autism often go together too. Not always. But often. If your friend is “extremely shy” it sounds like that could be autism? Maybe? It’s often hereditary so her DD might have it too.

Have a watch of these video and see if anything rings true.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=583402184445431&id=100083269641838

do have a look at some of their other videos too by clicking on the name ADHD_Love. It’s so helpful to understand how ADHD affects your workplace chances.

Roxy, the channel owner has had multiple jobs. Life has been a real struggle for her but it’s going much better the last few years since she was diagnosed.

I think for the young person's own well-being it is really important they are not in the house doing practically nothing but being with their parents the whole time.
It's a slippery slope. The longer they are not part of the wider world (of work or learning or whatever else) the harder it is to re-engage.
I think the parent needs to be careful they don't enable harmful unhealthy behaviors that cause social isolation, low self esteem , low confidence etc. Even if the parent enjoys the company they need to think of the long term impacts on the young person.
Work full time or some other full time thing like learning etc is a must.
Unless other factors are at play there is no acceptable reason imo for a young person to be sitting at home all day not earning or learning.

Honestly if she can’t keep a job and you don’t know why, then she probably won’t stick an apprenticeship and incurring £10k + of debt for her to have a go at uni is just plain stupid.

Find out the “why” then come back.

A cautionary note that the parent who “likes having her home” may be more of a hindrance - she may perform better if she isnt absolutely confident of a safety net that will pay her bills, bed and board…

I was saying - force her to get a useful degree, by which I mean with a a clear financial benefit - there are loads - nursing, teaching, physiotherapy, medicine via access to medicine programs - my friend's daughter got to study medicine via this access program and she never looked back. Psychology (BSc) is an excellent degree with brilliant opportunities afterwards. I did not suggest interior design or Diana studies with aromatherapy add-on, did I? Foreign languages with a Diploma in Translation or if you want to be adventurous, Diploma in Interpreting, literally so many! Even a quick dip into social sciences with progression to police or civil service - that is what I meant.

A gentle soul who needs to learn how to get and keep a job, otherwise how is she going to live in the future?
Her mother won't be around forever.
No job means no national insurance contributions therefore no pension.

Is that not her decision, not yours?

Agree. Should be a balance

@AsmallabodeIsallweWant OP, you don't say what type of work this shy 20 year old has tried to do and why she's repeatedly failing at it, but has she considered volunteering for a charity? For example, if she's IT-literate (and what 20 year old isn't these days?) she could contact her local Citizens Advice office to see if they need any admin support staff. Volunteering is a gentle introduction to the world of work as expectations of the volunteer are lower, but a lot of experience (and confidence) can be gained through on -the-job training and actually doing the work. She can volunteer at the same time as claiming Universal Credit - she will be required to search for and prepare for work and this will usually be for 35 hours a week, but volunteering can count as a 'work search activity' for up to half (50%) of these hours. When she claims UC (which is currently £311.68pm for a single person under 25 years old), she will be assigned a DWP work coach who will give her some guidance on job searching, and she will receive NI credits (which will contribute towards her state pension and other benefits she may need from time to time as she moves through life).
Just another idea. 😊

Could you give her basic advice on how to find a job op? Like signing up to job sites like "Indeed". Is it that she doesn't know how to job search or that she she's unwilling to look for work ? Or is she lacking in confidence?
She could probably do with joining one of the clubs for employment skills/cv writing etc x

I know people with degrees who've applied for supermarket work out of desperation and be refused. No one can just walk into those kinds of jobs anymore

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work Also join Facebook and local parent support groups for ND / SEN kids. Other parents best source info. charities and vocational education providers will run schemes teaching work skills / supported internships etc. UC is gateway to other help. Local carers charities may have info. You cannot get benefits to pay rent to a family member whose house you live in but she can contribute to bills. On UC would get help eg warm home discount / winter fuel allowance and can access help to save (worth signing on just for this) + job coach.

It’s hard to say without knowing how/why she’s losing the jobs she has. Obviously if it’s mental health related that would be the priority to work on, if it’s potentially undiagnosed or diagnosed autism a charity or local council could be helpful (mine has had 6 month internships of sorts, paid and in various local gov departments for those struggling to get into or stay in the workplace type thing)

We cant have an opinion when we dont know why she cant keep a job.

It's currently £311.68pm for a single person under 25 years old.

Don't panic. It's hard at first. What area does she like e.g. science, history, arts? Then try to find her something, anything in that, even if it's just a few hours, take her to buy a new interview outfit and (hopefully) drop her at the interview and wait... tell her she can leave that job if she finds another first. Good luck x

If she were my daughter, and I do have a daughter, so if this happened to her if she could not find a job then I'd expect her to be studying rather than doing "nothing". At least an Access course or similar.

I have a family member who is now a 35 year old who has turbulence keeping a job she is very good at it !

My daughter is 19, she is doing a third year at college and a part time zero hour job. However she wants to leave college at the moment as finding this year less interesting (she got the qualification for the course she did for the first two years, this is an add on).

Due to my own circumstances I can't afford to keep her if she leaves college and I lose the UC element for her. I would obviously house and feed her but wouldn't be able to afford to support her as thoroughly as I do now. She would have to claim UC for her own needs and seriously job hunt.

I have 3 adult dc living at home, if I didn't believe they all had an escape plan I might be packing their bags. They know full well I adore them and will do whatever is possible to help them...so long as I believe they are helping themselves.
Since they each turned 16 I've dealt with their physical illness, mental health issues, wrong decisions on courses of study but because there was always a plan, they wanted to get on, they've always been welcome to live here and avail themselves of my support.
All 3 now contribute financially and we have no issues re housekeeping etc. I suspect two will be gone on to better things this year. I shall miss them. Then redecorate their rooms.
Do nothing was never an option.
I suggest you encourage your dd to start claiming benefits and get into town looking for organisations that help young people into work. We have a Connexions service in our town that will help with cvs, interview prep, training etc. Perhaps you have something locally.

@Bryonyberries strongly discourage her from leaving college, she's only got one more term after this one. She might as well stick it out until the end of term and get a qualification.

@AsmallabodeIsallweWant Finding a job is difficult. This is a foreign concept to wealthy mumsnetters who didn't have to work in a supermarket at university, and who were put into their comfortable office jobs through cronyism, but believe me, getting rejected from dozens of applications is normal before finally finding a job. You need to give your daughter time and breathing space.