Financial abuse?

[Clmt]

Long story short, my sons dad told me he wont be paying for him anymore and will not be having him overnight one night every weekend, because I simply asked him to have him on the weekend he was due to have him? (He said I misunderstood, although I have texts that show we both understood the schedule).

He has been on a 'career break' for 7 months, since I filed for CMS (our son is 8 months old) and has got money (I worked in HR at our company so I know exactly how much money he took home each month. Before the left he took home £75k in one month in commission).

I filed for court because he can't stick to a schedule and financially abuses me.

What do you make of these messages and what do you suggest I do?

My maternity pay ends next month and benefits won't cover me. I'm looking for work but as of yet haven't had any luck.

He is a work shy useless df.... You can't make him work (and therefore pay cms) or have your dc at all. No judge can do that either...

Were you married ?
Unfortunately you can't force him to work.
Will he run out of money eventually and have to go back to work ?
I'd be making sure everyone knows what a lazy responsibility-shirking prick/ terrible dad he is.

As pp said you can't force him to see your son and you cant force him to work

To be fair, would you want someone like that to be in your sons life anyway? Your son has got you. Thats all he needs.

What do you mean you filed for court?

If he’s not working he can be made to pay and he equally can’t be made to see his son. He sounds like a massive shit but he can wash his hands and walk away, happens all the time.

Have you applied for universal credit?

OP - see messages

OP - other messages

Your messages are very aggressive, like a dog with a bone. If I was in the receiving end of messages like that I would be pulling my hair out at the thought of dealing with you.

I know you are looking out for your child, trying to make ends meet, and I’m sure he’s been a twat who is not stepping up for his child. So I totally understand your frustration.

But I would suggest calming down your messages, be amicable for the best interest of your child. He is more likely to step up financially and be a better Father to your child if you can be pleasant. Bite your tongue and play nice.

Also FYI you missed one of the mentions of your child’s name. You might want to blur it out like the others.

Are you happy leaving such a young baby with such a stupid man?

he gave £500 for Jan?

If he’s not working then you’re going to get nothing via CMS and you cannot force him to work, you also can’t force him to have the child at all overnight or otherwise and no court will force him.

it would appear he gave £500 for Jan

you relentlessly push this op when the sensible thing would have been to just pause

By those messages it looks as though provided you do the transport, he is willing to pay you £500 a month maintenance plus spend time with his son.

Is that something you could work with?

You come across worse than the dad. Your messages are very passive aggressive.

this poor baby

This is in no way financial abuse. Just a shit father. You need to calm down and be rational about the situation (and maybe look up the definition of financial abuse)

He’s winding you up on purpose and you’re falling for his traps. He’s not committing to paying or contact because he clearly enjoys pissing you off and your replies make it clear that it’s working.

Stick to a parenting app so the conversation stays on track or pretend it’s a work thing. So when he says he might or might not see ds, tell him to let you know when he decides and don’t discuss it further etc

You’ve applied for CMS so stop discussing money until they tell you a number. As he’s living off redundancy then it’s likely to be low but it sounds like he’s the type who will enjoy having CMS chase him too so get ready for some fun and games like him changing his address, taking a series of jobs until CMS catch up etc

It’s not financial abuse. Has he been paying you £500 a month but you’ve gone to CMS? That was a bit silly if you had a private arrangement and he’s currently unemployed or self employed.

If he’s paying you £500 when the CMS would say he owes you nothing as he’s not working atm how much do you think you’ll end up getting?

What’s the court thing you’re both talking about? Court won’t award you child support. I don’t understand.

The picture from those messages is rather different to the one you originally painted. You’ve been getting money even though he’s got no income. It’s not his problem you don’t have a new job lined up. It’s not his job to give you money for savings.

on the basis of this thread
the Op tells absolute porkies

and he most certainly did NOT “tell” you he wouldn’t be having his son anymore

What is the actual agreement?

It looks like he agreed to a certain sum(£500)? Is that monthly? Has he paid regularly so far? Is that money in exchange of you doing all drop offs/pick ups? Did you change that arrangement this month?

What are you actually going to court for?

Yes but my understanding is that is a private arrangement.

The issue is that he is minted and he is using money to manipulate me into doing what he wants. He decides if he wants to pay month to month based on how he feels about me at the time. That is obvious that hes being manipulative...does no one else see it?

Court is because he keeps canceling and rescheduling his time with our son meaning I have to keep cancelling my plans cos he has let us down for nights out etc

He pays some months, others not depending on if he feels pissed at me or not. Same with seeing our son