Financial abuse?

[Clmt]

Long story short, my sons dad told me he wont be paying for him anymore and will not be having him overnight one night every weekend, because I simply asked him to have him on the weekend he was due to have him? (He said I misunderstood, although I have texts that show we both understood the schedule).

He has been on a 'career break' for 7 months, since I filed for CMS (our son is 8 months old) and has got money (I worked in HR at our company so I know exactly how much money he took home each month. Before the left he took home £75k in one month in commission).

I filed for court because he can't stick to a schedule and financially abuses me.

What do you make of these messages and what do you suggest I do?

My maternity pay ends next month and benefits won't cover me. I'm looking for work but as of yet haven't had any luck.

You can't force him to have the contact, not sure from those messages if he is controlling but if he is using contact / maintenance as a way of controlling you, there are ways to mitigate this - maintenance via cms, contact - just don't rely on him, I paid my cm for times when exh had contact as he was so unreliable, now I shouldn't have needed to do this but it saved my sanity and he couldn't control me so money worth spent

Well no, she says he’s not worked for the last 7 months.

Youre not going back to the workplace
so how are you planning to support yourself

Additionally - a court won't force him to have more contact. It might agree he doesn't need as much contact, but that doesn't seem to be what you want.

I'd tread carefully. Reading your messages it seems you could perhaps remain civil and come off far better in terms of a private CMS arrangement and contact.

so cms would be zero

you have really shot yourself in the foot there if he was paying you £500 a month for one child

I havent, but I know he is minted. I lived with him...he was my partner. And I still see his lifestyle as we have mutual friends

He's a cunt but this isn't financial abuse. Stop rising to his bait.
Leave him to it for now, let the dust settle, calm down and focus on your child.
If he's on UC he only has to pay £7 a week i think it is. He will get bored of this and earn again. Just make sure you've filed your CMS claim and they can take it automatically. It will cost him more if it's taken out automatically it's better to come to some kind of agreement.
The watch is irrelevant.

Get a new job. He was shagging our coworker whilst I was pregnant. So I will not go back

Ah just seen that you had a previous private agreement. Yes that would be better than the minimal amount you'd be awarded through cms.

Being minted is irrelevant. He is not working at the moment. He has already given you £500 for January.

Your use of language is quite aggressive and controlling:

"You: Yes or no?
Him: I haven't decided.
You: I'll take that as no then."

If you worked in HR at the company then why can't you go back to work there? You need to focus on finding employment.

God, what a truly shit human. I’m sorry he’s putting you and your child through this.

As I said, I hope that you have informed your employer of the relationship between you if you still both work for the same organisation. I would expect it to be immediately flagged if you were able to access personal information about your ex which could be used to your own advantage. I hope your ex has raised the risk of you abusing his personal information and information barriers are put in place as soon as you return from mat leave. You're in a position of trust which you are abusing right now.

X post!

She’s not. He left that job 7 months ago and the woman he was cheating on her with is there so OP won’t be going back. She’s not abusing him.

I talk like that with him because he is very coercive and can never give straight answers. He loves to keep me guessing. Im not returning to my old job because he was having an affair with our colleague (who I thought was my friend) whilst I was pregnant

My advice is only contact via email or a parent app.
Before you press 'send' ... visualise a judge reading your message.
He's a Twait BTW!

so what are you going to do for money?

They knew about us. I havent abused him in any way, I was doing my job by processing his wages. We both left 7 months ago.

Not sure where your view comes from but please read the facts first

Find a new employment, which I am already doing

are you receiving maternity pay?

Unfortunately this.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar...

File for CMS he is paye and presumably cant stay on his career break forever.

He’s a dick but this passive aggressive confrontational approach isn’t going to help you.

You can go through CMS but if there’s no evidence of earnings then he won’t be required to pay. You can also get a child arrangements order through family court but again he can’t be forced to see his child.

Or you can forget the court process and deal with him directly, but the current approach you are taking isn’t likely to work. Read up on “grey rock” technique, this can help you to avoid giving an emotional response when he’s playing games. If he doesn’t get a reaction then he’s less likely to mess you about.

Some of the parent communication courses that the courts recommend may also be helpful - they often suggest you treat it as a business relationship rather than a personal one, this can help reframe things and keep the emotion out of it.

It ended this month

Senior finance professional. If you're on mat leave at the moment, you are still an employee. You would have been moved away from being able to access any of his personal information the moment it was clear that you were in a relationship with each other in my organisation.

I have tried to deal with him directly but he has done everything he can to make my life difficult. I even have texts of him telling me he is going to make my life as difficult as possible, because I kept our baby? Lol!

I'm just at my wits end. I know I cant stop contact for any reason, even if hes abusive towards me. So what do I do? Its all by his rules