Financial abuse?

[Clmt]

Long story short, my sons dad told me he wont be paying for him anymore and will not be having him overnight one night every weekend, because I simply asked him to have him on the weekend he was due to have him? (He said I misunderstood, although I have texts that show we both understood the schedule).

He has been on a 'career break' for 7 months, since I filed for CMS (our son is 8 months old) and has got money (I worked in HR at our company so I know exactly how much money he took home each month. Before the left he took home £75k in one month in commission).

I filed for court because he can't stick to a schedule and financially abuses me.

What do you make of these messages and what do you suggest I do?

My maternity pay ends next month and benefits won't cover me. I'm looking for work but as of yet haven't had any luck.

He's a shit dad not financially abusive.

As others are saying you come across as trying to provoke a disagreement. Shit as it is we have to keep our cool and use tact when dealing with shit fathers because if you get his back up and turn it I to a fight only your child will suffer. Also if you piss him off he can walk away and never look after the child and you honestly cannot rely on CMS to take the money from his wage once he gets a job, technically they can take the money but reality is they won't.

I have a shitty ex like this it's infuriating and you are not unreasonable to be frustrated but you absolutely must not let that come across in the tone of your messages. Short and factual with meaningless pleasantries like "hope you had a good Christmas" and grey rock all his attempts to rule you.

😆

court aren’t going to force him to see his son op

That is not okay of course but the reality is if you take it to court and he’s not working then he’ll be told he has to be £0, and if he says he doesn’t want any time with your child no court will force him, so you’ll be no better off.

Your child's name is shown in a message

That is definitely not financal abuse.
He would have been told to stop paying you once you went to CMS as you could argue that was not maintance but a gift when he gave you money.
A lot of people can be on contract work earn very well and work hard for a few months then take a break not uncommon.
Confused by you going to court over him seeing his kid if he keeps cancelling court can't make him see them.

he never said he wouldn’t have his son

the OP assumed because he didn’t respond to the repeated question

I can absolutely see that he’s using financial control and he’s getting some sort of pleasure out of it. My ex was the same during our divorce, he was on £200K/year whilst I was on a 5th of that and had our kids 100% of the time but there were months when he claimed he couldn’t afford to pay me. The more angry and frustrated I got with him the more trouble he caused me so in the end I had to just keep communication to a minimum and completely emotionless. It’s hard but it’s the only thing that seems to work, these sort of horrible people feeds off of hurting people.

Name and shame him on the local Facebook

🤫

TBH I would be more concerned about the conflict of interest in you working in HR but accessing his information. I hope your employer is aware of the relationship and the risk of you abusing access to information about him for your personal gain.

OP Court is a waste of time for you. A Child Arrangement Order lists the times and days that you have to make your child available. It’s not a list of times and days that he must pick up the child. A CAO means that you’ll be able to make plans with dc because you know when dad won’t be having him but as he doesn’t have to turn up, you can’t make plans for just you because you don’t know if he will turn up or not.
You will potentially be in legal trouble for not making the child available. He will face no legal consequence for not turning up.

It’s not financial abuse, it’s just life parenting with an ex. No court will force him to see his child and they can’t do anything CMS can do

I literally did his wages, its not abuse of access?

and another porkie

And you are no longer doing it, right?

Family court is not going to make him be available to babysit when you’ve got a night out planned.

Also he didn’t say he wouldn’t pay or wouldn’t have his child in those messages, you need to stop being so aggressive with him it’s not helping.

Jeez, that is so patronising. It’s not unreasonable to want to share parenting with the other parent.

Ideally I want to do this, so that he has set days and times. He keeps changing days and bringing him home early so I have to rush back. I just want a set agreement so he cant keep chopping and changing. If he doesnt turn up, thats his problem. As for the money, I know there isnt anything to be done but the fact he is using it as a manipulation/ bargaining tool is frustrating and perhaps something can be done about it?

you’re on maternity leave and presumably has been ever since your son was born

Babysit? Its his child...its not babysitting.
I dont have nights out. I have nights to myself so I can actually catch a break

No, I am on maternity and do not plan on returning to that specific job

OP I understand it's frustrating, but as he's not working it's unlikely you'll be awarded ANYTHING as CMS, especially as he's claiming not to have much left as is.

£500 per month, even if only some months, is much better than 0 which is what you'll likely be entitled to. If you press this, chances are he'll stop paying anything.

so how have you been accessing his pay recently?

so…. you’re planning on relying on the £500 a month you say he sporadically gives you?