Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

She utterly bonkers- she’s got an upset kid and is saying that nasty mummy, she should be saying sorry darling mummy forgot to reply! She needs to own her shoddyness

Yeah exactly, I would think it pretty typical for people providing this who would be at the party to bring some unpersonalised spares that they could then sell on to you at a hefty profit. If you'd missed someone off the list for whatever reason (easily done when we're all busy) you'd have been very grateful for it!

If possible I would contact the magician and ask if you can buy a party bag for James

And TBH I don’t do chasing up because people are grown arse adults and if you’re too disorganised to send a quick RSVP text on behalf of your child, then I don’t want to be an enabler. I also don’t have lots of time on my hands to organise other people’s diaries!

I wouldn't reply and wait til she catches you and look for your phone saying "I did reply didn't I? Oh no, I forgot"

Followed by "I can send you a link to the magician if you want to buy one."

Poor boy. But not because of you OP!! It must be so embarrassing having a mother like her and ultimately he suffers because of her. She forgot to RSVP, she was cheeky and rude about the pizza, she has made him go vegan, she is the reason he has no party bag etc etc.

I think OP can do any party bags she likes! What’s your rationale for dictating what party bags she can have?

Yes I would message her and say that the bags were personalised and food preordered which is why you asked everyone to rsvp by X date. (Though I would also have had a couple non personalised party bags just in case). Don't apologise.
As for her vegan son - anyone I know who is vegan or has intolerances/allergies would bring their own food in the very likely case that there may not be appropriate food or cross contamination. I wouldn't have ordered a pizza just for them.

This

so cheeky!
some people are so entitled I think I’d just ignore her.

This is genius!

OP I would ignore any guilt-tripping directed at you. The issues are hers and she should face her son's disappointment in her. He'll have to get used to reminding her that people need replies and they can't expect to be inconsiderate and still get what they want.
Important life lessons taking place for both of them!

At the risk of sounding like a twat, I really don’t wanna spend my hard earned money on rude pisstakers (Amanda not James). She can buy it herself if she’s so bothered.

As someone with adhd who regularly forgets to rsvp I have thankfully either remembered just before and texted parent apologising or parent as text me to check. But I think they know my adhd! There's no way I would just turn up and moan about not having party bag! U can't cater for people who u don't know is coming!

I like this response

The whole thing is downright rude of her, but the follow up text she sent complaining would have me absolutely steaming! You handled it really well I think. As an aside I’m completely with you on not chasing up on non-replyers and not ordering extra party bags!

I’d write off the £10 extra you spent on pizza and not mention that at all. However I’d send a carefully crafted reply to her text to make it crystal clear that she is in the wrong. Something along the lines of:
’ I’m sorry to hear that James is upset that he doesn’t have a party bag. You will of course understand that they were a pre-ordered extra and I only bought them for the children whose parents had said they were coming to the party. As you didn’t RSVP I obviously didn’t order one for James. I made this clear to you when you turned up at the party unexpectedly. It is therefore surprising and disappointing that you are raising this issue with me now, as though I am somehow responsible for James being upset. I hope that you can see that the responsibility lies squarely with you. If I were in your shoes I would be apologising to my child and explaining that it is my fault that he doesn’t have a party bag, not passing the buck onto someone else. I will not be entering into any more discussion on the matter and certainly do not expect to see anything about it on the WhatsApp group.’

Others have been far more subtle and understanding in their suggested replies but I think if you’re going to be as cheeky as she has been you need a firm ‘stop being outrageous!’

She can do fancy party bags if she wants to, it’s up to her. They sound great too.

Haha - nice one!

Cheeky cow. My response would be so angry, I think I'd just have to not reply.

You are a FUCKING GENIUS.

Pizza box…?

Whispers <she also only spent £2 on my son’s present>

I know it’s not cool to present shame but this is a family who have a top of the range Range Rover, designer everything and boast about fancy holidays. A £2 Works colouring book is what he got - They could have stretched to some pens to go with it! I think the PP who said they were awaiting a better offer was right and they perhaps grabbed a gift they already had in the house

When my DC were at primary 7+ yrs ago party bags were gradually phased out as we all got fed up of buying plastic rubbish.

One year I gave individual muffins (that matched the main cake) in a little box as each child left so no need for party bag and no need for slice of soggy cake in a napkin. We brought home the big cake with candles in.

One year I did sweets in cone shaped clear bag.

One mum used to give advent calendars as her son’s birthday was near Christmas.

Thanks for the message. If you had replied to me I would have been happy to provide a party bag for James and to take care of his dietary requirements. You did not however and whilst I have many talents, being psychic is not one of them.

Excellent tip.

Then if they text late, you simply didn't see it in time.
Win win.