Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

This is hilarious given James's parents deliberately left out OP's son and then tried to rub her nose in it and implied her son should be gutted! 😂

She was extremely kind to James, she invited him when he'd not invited her son, she accommodated him at short (no) notice including a special pizza. And his parents treated her and her son like shit. Anything more is being a doormat.

Also - are you Amanda?

Message back with the Magician persons details and tell her to order a Party Bag herself as she couldn't be arsed to RSVP. Simpliz.
You have patience woman. I would have spoken up it the door.

OP's son wasn't even invited to this boy's party. I imagine OP told her son you can't be invited to every party and sent him on his way.

No big deal.

It is risible to suggest keep spare party bags just in case a child who hasn’t RSVP attends. Disappointment management is responsibility of the parent not the host

@HollyKnight

If 'Amanda' cared about her own child, she'd thank the OP for sending the link and order her child the party bag so he didn't feel left out......after her mistake of not RSVP'ing.

I think you'be done the right thing OP. She sounds very difficult. Id avoid her at all costs and if she challenges you about it just say you don't want to discuss it further. You've been a lot nicer than a lot of people would have been about the whole thing.

The cheeky mare!!

I really dont care. You all can keep on being cruel and banish children who have no control over who their parents are. The rest of us apparent anti-feminists will continue to keep a couple of spare party bags just in case.

Did you miss that they were personalised bags with the kids' names on the items? And he hadn't said he was going to be there? And she had to pay extra for a vegan pizza that none of the kids that were supposed to be there wanted? And that the mother took the rest of it home and then complained? Have a word with yourself.

It's important that children learn resilience or adult life (and even secondary school to be honest) is going to be very, very hard. Not getting a party bag actually seems like quite a mild way to learn resilience and to learn that you don't always get everything you want.

It isn't cruel. Spare party bags do nothing but indulge CF'ers.

This mother would've also absolutely complained that it wasn't a special personalised one and her little prince is still incredibly upset.

Also, it has sweet FA to do with feminism.

It's actually quite unkind to encourage children to be so fragile that not getting a party bag damages them emotionally. Life has far harder things than that in it. I thought we were supposed to be encouraging mental resilience (as Op clearly has with her son and the 'disappointment' of not going to James' party)?

Because the only option was expensive personalised items or nothing? The spare bags couldn't have had something else in them instead?

Unbelievable. You couldn’t make it up

I still think OP should chuck the crappy second hand £2 works colouring book in a bag and give it back as a party bag. 😂😂

Who cares if she complains. I really don't care about what she thinks. What matters to me is the child wouldn't have left the party in front of his peers with nothing.

He didn't. He walked out with almost a full dominos pizza. His 'peers' didn't get one of them.......

Now imagine if other parents complained their child felt left out not getting a whole pizza to take home.....

Oh great. Has the name Amanda been trashed now like Karen?

He did that? He took the pizza? Or was it his mother.

He left with pizza. Which OP didn't have to do, I would've expected his mother to pay for it.

He's 8, not 2. It's easy to explain that they weren't expecting him which is why they had no party bag.

I know you're not going to reply (and you are right) but if you were I'd be sooo tempted to quite her own words with a slight adjustment:

Sending an RSVP is a normal part of planning. If this had been done then James would not have been excluded from getting a party bag.
Hope that helps!

I can't believe that people are actually saying you should have bought them a party bag anyway.

The mum is a dick, her response is embarrassing. I would struggle not to respond, you're a bigger person than I am!!

This is the perfect reply!

Children really don't notice whether or not other children get party bags. They're too busy rushing around amped up on cake. They only care if their parents put the idea into their minds that it's unfair, esp in this situation.

'Sorry James, I didn't let reasonable Mum know you'd be coming which is why there's no party bag, she was really kind to let you join in anyway. It's my fault, shall we go to the store and pick something fun out instead?' All children would be fine with this unless their parent tells them otherwise.