Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

I haven’t sent it yet, just watching DS play football while I MN will do when I get home

I am SO excited. Lucy Punch and Joanna Lumley. Top notch British line up or what!

Tried to read as much of the thread and all of yours. I would definitely go back from the..

’don’t be too hard on yourself Amanda these things happen, life is so busy’ and leave it at that

I think I would tag the other mum’s comment with ‘but x you didn’t reply to the invite. And the bags were personalised so other than taking one of another child there really wasn’t much I could do!’

the other mums will have the measure of her anyway by the sound of it!
poor kid though, he’ll end up with no invites at this rate

In a world where I give absolutely no fucks I’d be doing an Amanda “I really admire how you just switch off and don’t be organised for your kids. I mean this is just my personal opinion, but I’d just hate myself too much”. 🤣

Just reply "I'm not a mind reader Amanda."

Love this!

Absolutely.

Something like ‘It’s awful your DS is upset about not getting a party bag because I wasn’t aware he was coming. You must feel terrible for not responding to the invite and just turning up without letting me know but we all make mistakes and I certainly won’t hold it against you. Hope DS gets over it soon and you both enjoyed the party and the extra pizza I got for you both regardless of that’.

@Fundays12 P.S I always put dates on the invites to RSVP by. If they don't rsvp I assume there not coming. I have made the odd exception to last minute rsvp (they had a very sick baby so totally understandably forgot and I told them to bring the older sibling to).

There was a date to rsvp, CF mum just didn't hence the whole party bag debacle.

I quite like this!

What a smashing idea. You have just given me a great idea for our late November child (we are big on Advent in our house).

I love this one too

I’d relish the chance to respond! Tell her in no uncertain terms “the reason James didn’t have a party bag was because I hadn’t received an RSVP from you. I’m not sure how I was supposed to magic up (no pun intended) an extra - personalised - party bag when I’d had no advance notice that he’d be attending the party. Despite this I was happy for him to stay and even went to the extra trouble and expense of ordering a vegan pizza which you both ate and took the leftovers home - again, if I’d received an rsvp and known of his dietary requirements in advance this would not have been an issue. I’m sure you understand and will make sure that future invitations are responded to so that James doesn’t miss out again. Best wishes.”

Sorry totally missed the date bit on the RSVP. Lol definitely reply with something making it clear she didn't rsvp then.

I’d reply agreeing with her ‘yes, I’m sure he was gutted 😞 but kids are very forgiving 🥰

Hi Amanda it was a nice surprise to see James at the party, I’m sorry to hear that he has since been upset due to no party bag, I'm sure you explained this to him at the time, all mums have moments of forgetfulness- he is at an age to understand this , a little making up to him sounds needed?

Making light of situations like this seem to help(from my experience 🤣) perhaps making a little party bag yourself for DC would have reduced his upset?

As you know the party was RSVP which you confirmed had not been sent. Party bags were made by the magician and personalised for those expected to be coming , spares have not previously been required .

There was no vegan pizza as none of the expected children were vegan, I was able to resolve this for DC with a quick order and happy to see you both enjoyed it and took home the remainder -

Please don’t be too hard on yourself, we all have brain blips!

Group chat tag ‘Amanda’

I don't think I'd have even done the pizza. Vegan is a lifestyle choice. He'd have veggie and like it or his mum could get him something. You didn't know he was coming or you would have catered for him. I would not be buying a whole pizza for one child who wasn't expected to be there. Or at least I'd have got him a little personal size pizza, not a big one so idiot Amanda couldn't have any.

I imagine James won't be invited to any more parties this year. I do feel sorry for the kid, but she needs to have a good hard look at herself.

Excellent!

I think I would reply with

I am sorry James is upset, but I did ask for RSVPs that I could order the correct number, and you didn’t respond, so I am afraid that it’s down to you that he is upset. I would also point out I paid extra for a pizza for him as again you had not advised of dietary requirements because you didn’t RSVP. Hopefully this is a lesson for you and you will now respond in future.

Shamelessly Placemarking to find out if she replies

As suggestion, that sounded like an order.

quote….

Next time don’t do such fancy party bags.

No hint of suggestion…

Just quite bossy really 😆

yes, this!

Honestly OP, it's nice of you to reply to the posters telling you that you should have ordered special food just in case the CF showed up, or that you should have spent more money to order the child a party bag, or even that you should have chased up non-RSVPers, but please don't let them make you feel badly. You do not need to justify yourself, you have behaved like a normal human being and this person is someone to avoid. It's a shame for him, but his mother should have mitigated his potential disappointment and emphasised how kind it was for you to have had him at the party despite her lack of planning. It isn't your fault.

OP reply with “we weren’t expecting him as you didnt reply to the invitation. I ordered the bags after the rsvp date passed and I had final numbers.
No apoloogy from you or further explanation about how basic social norms work needed

It’s hard when adult mistakes lead to our children feeling let down and disappointed, isn’t it? Maybe you can use this as a learning opportunity for James. Sometimes mummies forget things! If you’d RSVP’d then obviously he’d have had his own party bag and appropriate food. At least we were able to remedy that one quickly. I’m sure he’ll forgive you in time and if you did want the magician’s details, they are… Have a lovely evening!