Do DH and I need power of attorney for each other?

[Midlifecareerchange]

Inspired by the AIBU about the benefits of marriage.

Dh and I have mirror wills. Our solicitor has now suggested power of attorney forms and I'm trying to figure out if there's any downside. It feels really wrong to me to sign anything that would give away my rights and power financially or in the case of healthcare, even if those things are hard to invoke and need to be signed off by medical professionals. I think of all those women who got carted off to asylums in the past when they got a bit grouchy and troublesome. I'm very grouchy at times 😬 DH and I are early 50s. I thought it was something you do in your old age if losing your marbles.

We have some assets in joint accounts and some in separate. We both have logins for both just in case needed. We are married.

YABU: sign the forms
YANBU: don't sign them

and yes I will also clarify the pros and cons with said solicitor when I get a chance.

🤣 yes unfortunately it does seem like a perfect opportunity..ridiculous isn’t it.

They are all the government one and need to be properly registered. Unlike a will, I don’t think you need a solicitor to help with it.

Massively important….i too saw my dad still being given his blood pressure meds and stuff for his heart stent, flu vaccine in last year he was dying from Lewy Body dementia. He was suffering in a grotesque way, mentally and physically…and needed to have naturetake it course asap.frankly dying of heart attack by then would be kinder. but his attorney wasn’t that clued up on medical matters ( my sibling) and didn’t think it was his place to question his meds and force a review. It took a lot of conversation by remaining sibs to get him to question the meds, and actually doctors were ok…but a clear expression of wishes/advanced directive would have made it clear to his attorney that they needed to question it.

I’ve learnt from that and my expression of wishes says stop all meds unless they relive discomfort or help people to manage my care/nursing more easily. So antibiotics for UTIs in ( given uti are common and cause pain in my case and dads) but not hear meds , painkillers but not vaccines etc.

until you’ve gone through this with a loved one, you just don’t realise the details of this.

id also add it’s really, once end of life care is acknowledged and triggered to do the “Respect” plan…it overlaps with LPOA/ advanced directives etc but is clearer for when intervention is acceptable in heat of moment. For instance dad would have odd issues with aspiration, they’d ( nursing home) calll ambulance to help aspirate when care home was struggling to clear airway ( trained nurses), but it showed the ambulance crew not to then cart him to hospital which is standard after/during aspiration. At 2am in morning this is vital, especially when attorney is 45 mins away and in bed asleep.

Yes I know - it’s around £220 a year.

Not true - someone has to apply for Deputyship. That person could be your relative whom you didn’t want to give POA to! There are literally 1000’s of people in care homes the length and breadth of the country who don’t have relatives, no POA sorted out and no Deputyship. If they have property that could be sold to pay for their care the LA can apply for an LA representative to act as Deputy.
If you know of someone with POA acting detrimentally then you can report them to the OPG and their POA can be removed.

This isn’t strictly true. A social worker should carry out a needs assessment regardless as to whether there is a POA in place or not. Her GP must already be involved if she has a diagnosis of dementia, so they can arrange for a DOLs to be implemented. However, she would have to be clearly impaired for this to be implemented. At that point, a Best Interest meeting should be held which will take into account both her and her DHs views. If it is agreed that she requires residential care then that will be arranged,

@Marshbird thank you these are the kind of scenarios that as you say it's hard to envisage if you've not been through it with anyone.

Thanks again for the various personal stories everyone. I can see it's a lot to do with location of care and refusing treatment and this is very helpful to me to have appropriate conversations and appoint the right people.

Thank you @Midlifecareerchange, despite my personal experience with DH I had been putting off doing my own LPAs but they are now ready to print off and sign. My attorneys already know my wishes but I will also be putting a living directive in place to help them make decisions should they need to. I have also put some of the most important (to me) things into the LPA itself.