Childminder and holidays

[FandyRenoli]

Name changed for this as don't want me or childminder to be identifiable. It's long so buckle in!

LO is 1 year old (just) and started with the childminder in September. I'm a single parent, no wider family childcare support. The childminder is new to childminding but does have extensive experience in the childcare industry and excellent qualifications and references. She is married with primary school aged children. LO started with her the week she opened. Childcare is in extremely short supply in our area and I was very happy to find someone so good.

I should start by saying that the childminder (CM) is lovely and the care she provides for LO is amazing. On that front I'd recommend her to anyone.

When we went to look around she said most of the bookings she had were wrap around school care so for most of the day it's LO and one other. At that point I checked that she isn't term-time only as this just wouldn't work for me. She assured me she wasn't and said she would close between Christmas and New year, had two weeks holiday booked in the summer, and might take "the odd day here and there" for a long weekend away or similar, but would give plenty of notice plus bank holidays. All good.

At Christmas she was actually closed from 20th December to 6th January (so not just between Christmas and New year) but we managed.

At Christmas she also sent out a list of the dates she would be closed in 2025. This came to 40 days plus 8 days bank holidays. I really wasn't expecting anywhere near this many- it's nearly double my annual leave allowance and there is absolutely no way I will be given that number of extra unpaid days even if I could afford them (which I can't).

The pattern is also very focused on school holidays. She will be closed either the entire half term or the majority of it for all three half terms - February, May and October - plus a week at Easter, a couple of weeks in the summer and all of the Christmas school holidays.

I will absolutely not get annual leave now for February as this was booked up by other staff months ago, and May and October are key times in my industry where annual leave is only approved in emergencies - one of the reasons I checked CM wasn't term time only.

I messaged CM (politely) about this pointing out I'd checked she wasn't term-time only and that I just couldn't get this amount or pattern of time off.

She replied that she isn't term time only (though by my calculations she's shut for 70% of the school holidays), that she's entitled to annual leave (I agree) and that this is the usual amount of time off for a year round childminder (I'm not sure about that one).

So am I being unreasonable to be surprised/taken aback by this amount pattern of leave, and by the limited notice for leave in February?

What are other people's experiences of this?

Would I be unreasonable to expect some level of compromise from her to resolve this?

YANBU

You're not wrong, but I doubt she will compromise on holidays she's already booked/decided on! I think it'll be a case of find some cover, or find new childcare 😬

I was in a similar situation and decided on nursery over a childminder because I needed more consistency (and wanted to be able to pick when I took annual leave!)

Yeah that's shocking. She's being really unreasonable, and how many weeks notice has she given for the Feb one?

YANBU. The child minder we used was fab, and as far as I can remember apart from a very occasional sick day the only times she closed in five years were when she was actually away on holiday herself.

YANBU. I don't have direct experience to know what "normal" is but this is not sustainable if you work, obviously.

Was there anything in your contract?

Sadly, it's time to find a new CM.

YANBU but there is not really a compromise to be found here. She has let you know when she is unavailable, what you do with that is up to you. You either find alternative care for those days or you find an alternative care provider that better suits your needs - it is not her job to work in with your needs or compromise.
This is one of the problems with a sole childcare provider compared to a centre with numerous staff.

YANBU.

The childminder I used took 2 weeks (one week block x2) per year and the occasional Monday/Friday for long weekends. They were never in school holidays.

It seems like this person has turned to childminding for flexible self employment but realistically parents want childcare they can't rely on so you can't be unavailable as much as she is.

Before your child gets too settled I'd move her somewhere else.

Oh thats not ideal and I wouldnt be happy. Its a benefit of being self employed and running your own business that you can set the hours and leave, however, its not fair to mislead people. Shes put you in a really difficult position.

Do you have in writing or a contract the number of days she said she'd be off? Im not sure it will be possible to compromise but if it were me I'd be immediately looking for an alternative and use this to explain why and get out of any contract.

YANBU. Either she lied to get you to take a place or she’s saying because she’s available some of the days in the school holidays that means she is available. Throw in a couple of sick days for her too and that’s even harder for you. I’d be looking for somewhere else.

Unfortunately there are no other childcare options locally. Childminders are in really short supply and nurseries have long waiting lists - which of I'd known about the holidays I'd have added LOs name to.

I really don't know what to do. I absolutely will not be allowed to take all that annual leave or at those times. I've been in my job 15 years - a new job isn't an option (but even if it was I don't think I'd find one with 48 days annual leave)

Can baby’s dad or another family member cover Feb? Otherwise, trying booking parental leave (although this can be turned down for business reasons).

For longer term you can consider the above or get LO on every waitlist and hope a space comes up.

@JustKeepSwimmingJust no dad and no wider family options.

Parental leave will not be approved for February, May or October.

I really don't know what I'm going to do for February.

Well, she's pretty much term time only in all but name isn't she. It's a shame she's been quite cryptic til now about how much leave she takes, and if you were under the impression its a Christmas fortnight and a Summer fortnight and the odd ad hoc day, and now it's at least double that, I'd say yeah she was wrong to do that to you.

Banks are no surprise though - I don't know of any (and I know a few) CMs who work BHs.

Contact the local Nurseries and see if they off ad hoc week long placements - I'd assume that some of their charges have term time only contracts so they may sell "available" weeks on an ad hoc basis.

Long shot, but ask around on your local groups.

Some TA might be wanting to earn extra cash for example.

Or beg. Explain to the childminder that you are REALLY in trouble, and can't afford not to work, could she "help you out" (even if she should do her job but an argument won't help).

If it helps for comparison my childminder closes for 2 weeks over Xmas (school hols), 2 weeks in summer and 1 half term

What a difficult situation she has put you in.

What I would do is:

Get yourself down on a few nursery waiting lists so you can move when there is a spot

Book what you can with work to get those nailed down

Then research some childcare options locally. I would look at :

Talking to the other parent with a child at that childminder and see if they would be open to taking yours for February if you took theirs for a week in the summer or going in together for a temporary nanny or babysitter

Ask around in local Facebook and WhatsApp groups to try to find a babysitter or temporary nanny - there are agencies as well

Ask your childminder if she has any connections with other local childminders

YANBU.

This would really annoy me, and TBH if she can’t provide childcare when you need it… it’s just not going to work is it.

I’d be signing up for nurseries - they won’t do this, and you can take your own holiday when it suits you not someone else / no mad gymnastics because of someone else’s personal choices around working hours and holidays.

Yanbu to be taken aback, even pissed off. Yabu to expect 'compromise' though. You can ask, but she clearly can just say no. Agree with others, you're likely incompatible and need a new provider. She is not going to do the hours you need.

Can you speak to work and explain what she's done and ask for their understanding in some way. What's the alternative, you don't find any cover so you let them down last minute? Best being planned at least, with some notice.

That’s a lot of holidays. I think the problem is the communication as much as the number of weeks (though I don’t know many people who get 8 weeks annual leave plus bank holidays). We used two childminders over a period of several years and I know others socially; I’ve never heard of one taking more than 6 weeks across the year.

Our childminder took two blocks of leave, one summer and one winter. We were normally aware of the summer one around now.

We had a slight hiccup when we first started and she closed a week earlier than we’d expected for Christmas (we’d been missed off the email) so had to make last minute arrangements. That didn’t happen again and she was very apologetic - but wouldn’t shift even though the mistake lay with her. So I wouldn’t expect yours to shift her position on February either and I would have a look at nanny agencies to see if you could book someone in for that week.

How does it work in terms of fees and notice for her holidays? I’d check your contract if I were you - but fundamentally, if she expects to take this much leave each year, I suspect this may not work for you.

Also, could she suggest another childminder who might have availability that week? Ours used to work with other childminders and if we’d ever been really stuck, that would have been worth a phone call as our DC would have been familiar with them.

I'm usually pro-childminder on Mumsnet, but on this occasion YANBU.

I have had an amazing CM for 8 years for my DS. She will forever be in our lives and is the most wonderful human being ever.

She will take a max of 2 weeks holiday in the year - usually a week at Christmas and a week in the summer holidays. Also the odd sporadic day for appointments etc.

As a full-time worker, it would not work for me if she had the majority of the school holidays off - and I think you have every right to be upset. She has effectively lied to you.

I would start looking around for a different CM.

Would I be unreasonable to expect some level of compromise from her to resolve this?

Not so much unreasonable as unrealistic. She isn't going to change her holiday plans for you... maybe if multiple customers withdraw their children because of this, but from what you say that is equally unlikely as places are in such short supply.

Do you know any of the other parents with children under her care? You might be able to arrange childcare swaps.

If not, I would put my energy into negotiating with your employer and researching short-term options for childcare.

If she's only just started her business then she's still working out what works for her.

If she has school age children herself, naturally she will take her holiday in the school holidays.

40 days is a lot though.
Could you use a babysitter to cover extra days in the holidays? Maybe a childcare student or similar?

I'm a childminder and take around 5-6 weeks holiday a year.