To be constantly surprised that people 'don't drive'?

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

Every day on here, and on my own social media, I am shocked that soooo many people don't drive. My local FB group is constantly people asking for favours because they don't drive, they want a dump run, or someone to deliver second hand stuff to them. On here, the barriers to work, to childcare, to anything is so often that they don't drive!

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car.

I totally understand it's expensive and costly to run a car but I don't think I realised how many people never learned!

If you’re coming across people not driving so often maybe it shouldn’t be that unusual or surprising anymore.

Well ... I agree at some level that it's best to learn and pass your test as early as possible BUT there are so many nuances to that.

Some people are medically unable or not advised to drive.

Some people try and learn and just can't do it or absolutely hate it and don't feel they can drive safely.

It's hugely expensive. Our son learned to drive a couple of years ago and though we could afford it I was shocked at how expensive lessons and insurance are these days.

It's very time consuming so if you don't learn until you work FT it must be really really tough and stressful to cram it all in. (There are huge waiting lists for tests too so if you don't pass, it could be months before you try again.) So basically, if your parents don't kindly fund it when you're 6th form or uni age, you'll be in this difficult situation.

Like you I learned at 17 (passed at 18) and my parents paid and arranged it all. I'm ashamed to say I took it for granted, though I very much appreciated it later in life. People like us who had that advantage should not sneer at those who didn't.

My daughter's best friend's mum doesn't drive. She wasn't able to afford it when she was younger (her mum was widowed young and they lived hand to mouth), she had a child quite young and that obviously took priority, finally started lessons in her early 30s, then covid happened and her theory pass expired, then they bought a house so found herself not being able to afford lessons again. This isn't an untypical story. It's not that she doesn't want to be able to drive, but she can't.

I had friends who's parents paid for driving lessons and an old car when they passed. I didn't get that, I had to fund myself when I got a job. I passed in my early twenties, but couldn't afford a car and insurance until my late twenties. I do believe it helps if parents fund the lessons, to help get people driving.

Wow! I’m sorry you feel that way about your parents.

I am not able to pay for my children to have driving lessons, nor could I teach them. Their father doesn’t drive. Does that make us bad parents? I don’t think so! Driving lessons are expensive, we live a very frugal existence with all money focused on the children’s sport and activities. Some things in life are ‘extras’ - nice if you have them but it’s ok if you have to wait for them.

Agree

Perhaps it’s the influence of people throwing soup over paintings. Before that, in the mid 90s, I remember teenagers saying “I’m saving the planet by deciding not to drive”.

There are loads of reasons why people don't drive. The only thing that bothers me is when people say they live "rurally" and they can't drive, and then I think, but now you're stranded. It tends to come up where people are feeling emotionally stranded as well as physically.

Too many cars on the road as it is,I don’t drive,I hate it,I tried to learn,passed my theory but driving just gave me so much anxiety to the point I was having heart palpitations,I just thought it was safer for everyone if I don’t pass my test.

My mother paid for lessons for me as a teen but I was sexually harassed by the instructor and I was so traumatised that I gave up for five years.

When I did learn again (with a female instructor) it took me almost forty lessons, plus many hours of practice time with my mother, before I felt confident enough to attempt the test.

My mother generously paid for all that - I certainly couldn’t have afforded it.

This. I couldn’t care less who doesn’t drive. It doesn’t affect me in the slightest. Until people start asking for constant lifts. I’ve actually lost one friend over this issue. Absolutely constantly asking for lifts. It’s raining could I drive her children to school. Could I drive them to the doctors. Could I drive her to do a big shop (she doesn’t trust online shopping). Could I drive them to the airport for holiday and pick them up again (over an hour away). Could I take some stuff to the dump (sometimes she would kindly say “the next time I’m going”. But I would still need to drive 20 minutes in the opposite direction to get to hers and pick it up first). Could I drive her to a different train station as there’s an issue with the trains. Could I drive her to pick up something from a pick up point and is too big to carry.
When asked why doesn’t she just learn to drive. (It isn’t about money. She’s in a well paid job). Her response is she lives in a city with great transport and generally WFH so it would be a waste of time and money and so doesn’t see the point.

We’re not friends anymore after the last argument about why I didn’t fancy doing a 2 hour round trip at 4am on a Saturday to take her and her kids to the airport for their holiday. Apparently she only booked a Saturday departure date so I could take her and if she’d have known I’d be such a bitch about taking her she would have booked different dates and flight times.

So yeah I don’t care if someone doesn’t drive. If someone is happy to get public transport everywhere that’s great! If they are scared of driving or would rather save the money. Fine. But, if you are actively choosing not to drive, you can’t expect constant favours from people that have chose to learn. I didn’t pay for lessons, the car, the upkeep of the car etc so I could take people on holiday and keep their kids dry on rainy days or have extra trips to the dump. I did it to make my life easier. Not everyone else’s easier and cheaper.

I didn't learn until my mid 20s as I simply couldn't afford it before then (parents couldn't afford to help me). I think a lot of people who have been driving a while don't realise how expensive it is (going rate where I'm from is £40 an hour). Even if you only have one two hour lesson a week, that is £320 a month. Simply unaffordable for many.

I learnt to drive in my thirties mainly so I could ferry children about but I have never enjoyed driving and find it very stressful. I stopped driving during lockdown as I was shielding so wasn’t going out anyway and haven’t picked it up again.
I use public transport to get to work and walk just about everywhere I need to go - sometimes quite long distances.

For me growing up, learning to drive was just what you did. I don't have any friends who didn't learn to drive at 17. Most had cheap runarounds or borrowed parents car

What a lovely privilege for you OP. Where I grew up (outskirts of a Northern city but fairly 'nice' suburb) I think about 3 of my sixth form had passed their test and had cars or access to cars by time we finished at 18/19. I paid for all my own lessons and first car and passed when I was 20, after I'd left home. My Mum doesn't drive.

While for me personally I couldn't imagine not having the freedom that driving gives me, I'm not so closed minded as to be 'constantly surprised' that other people don't drive 🙄

When I was 17, my parents could scarcely afford any food and were drowning in debt. I learnt to drive at 30. Easy to say for some.

So many posts jumping on the OP here for being supposedly narrow minded.
However there are plenty of posts on here that go something along the lines of I have a new partner who doesn't drive , no disability just hasn't learned yet and the responses are ooo be careful i wouldn't like this you'll end up doing all the running etc. Or posts that say my DH doesn't drive so it's always me running the kids to clubs etc and then the responses go oh that must be awful how did he get to 35 and not be able to drive?
You can't win

If you grow up in a major city you really don't need to, I was 37 when I passed, my brother was in his 30's too - lessons are expensive and our parents didn't let us near the car so couldn't learn until could afford professional lessons

I don't see how you can be surprised more than once by the same phenomenon.

Previous point about independence is true - I know people whose parents always drove and they have been careful owners from young and just don't get public transport. Surely that is a lack of independence.

My parents couldn’t afford to pay for driving lessons growing up. I then moved to a city with good public transport so don’t really need to drive.

you walk more when you don’t drive (to train station or shops and back that sort of thing) and it’s the only exercise I get at the moment 😆

I don’t drive. When I was a teenager my relationship with my parents was really bad and neither of them wanted to teach me.

I went to university then moved to London and settled there. Driving in London is pretty much pointless because it’s slower than public transport and prohibitively expensive. I spent three years living in a US city where driving was also a pointless activity and didn’t have the money for driving lessons.

Driving has never been necessary for me and it’s never inhibited my life in any way that I can’t. I am a partner in a business, earn really good money and support my child on my own. My child is happy, I have good friends and a social life. It just isn’t a thing that crosses my mind and my life isn’t negatively impacted by not driving.

I do find it irritating when people post these faux naive, wide eyed “how do people do it?” posts about driving. It’s not a uniform requirement for adulthood. If you live really rurally maybe but for people who live in cities it’s a waste of money and energy.

Cant people just accept that not everyone lives the same life?

@NarNarGoon

Insuring your car for a young driver is prohibitively expensive in the U.K. thousands often! Plus if your car is over 1.6 engine it might not be possible

You don't have to have lessons at all in the UK but it's bloody hard to pass the British driving tests so most people can't do it just by practising with a parent. I don't know about Australia but I've heard the American test is way easier than the UK one.

I have 3 DC in their 30s, 1 learnt aged 30, one is learning aged 36 and the other doesn't drive may do in the near future but probably won't be able to afford to keep a car. Biggest reason £££. We couldn't afford for them to learn as teens. We could barely keep a roadworthy vehicle on the road ourselves.
They don't live particularly rurally, so bikes, buses, and trains are all used. They are also all responsible adults now and less likely to wrap the car round a lamppost so insurance far more affordable. I find the thought of kids driving more worrying. Statistics( born by insurance costs) are frightening. On MN parents stress about leaving a 17 yr old on their own while you go to the shops but willingly pay for their kids to drive a lethal box of metal.

It’s appalling that public transport outside of London is so terrible.

I feel we are being gaslighted in the UK- told to go green and give up cars when truth is the public transport isn’t fit for purpose.

People should be able to rely on public transport and the fact that it’s hard to do that for many people is what needs looking at, more than the personal reasons for why people don’t drive.

OP, I hope this thread has been an eye opener to you. Many have provided a variety of reasons why people don’t drive. I will chime in mainly to echo what some have said before - costs is a bit one. Lessons are £40-60 an hour in my area.

But also availability and competence of driving instructors. Instructors are in high demand and a fair amount of them are not very good nowadays and are lacking in basic professionalism.

Even when people do manage to find a decent one and learn, they often struggle to get a practical test booked. Then they have a gap in their driving if they can’t afford to continue lessons while waiting for the test day, so they lose progress and have to get more lessons - and repeat.

From what I understand the test has also got much harder over time. My friend who is in her 40s said what she sees now is far more comprehensive and challenging than the test she took in the early noughties.

If you can’t afford to run a car, you’ll very quickly de-skill after your test. You need to drive regularly to maintain your competence - totally pointless to take your test then not drive for years.

DSIL and DFIL both have driving licenses but never drove after their tests (no car and no inclination) - they can’t drive now. No confidence. They would be an absolute danger to other road users if they tried.