Memory box for his ex

[Chloslilly]

Hi all, my BF and I have been together for 2 years, he is 24 and I am 28. We are moving in together and I am 9 weeks pregnant (undecided if we are going to keep the baby).

Tonight after work I came to his to help him back, I found a box under the bed, it had a sticky label on it reading his name and his exes, clearly not his handwriting. He was with his ex from 16-20, long distance from 18-20 as she went away for uni. I asked what it was and he said "stuff", I asked if he wanted to keep it and what stuff (referencing the label). He said just bits and pieces and yes I want to keep it, he was quite defensive and he took it from me and sat it to the side.

I've been thinking about it all night and I woke up. I know this is an invasion of his privacy but I got up and took the box to the living room. I opened it, and it is filled with letters she sent him, little note books with polaroids of them on trips with him writing about the day beside it. Loose polaroids all with captions on the end (in her handwriting) saying things like "first date". There were some unsent letters from him to her, he dated them and they were handwritten and towards the end of the relationship. They are long and filled with details of his life, how much he misses her and loves her and can't wait to see her. Also random jewellery, book marks, tickets from events and all sorts. Also a whole little booklet just with pictures of her, clearly from dates or things they were at together but anyway.

I feel like I have never ever seen this side of him, he's very nonchalant, he doesn't really do big displays of affection, I don't expect it and really I find it all a bit cringe but it is making me feel odd, like he loved her more than he does me or something. Also the way he was so defensive when I found it and made it clear he wants to keep it, it isn't like he just forgot it existed.

I also don't really get the letters etc, like they were long distance yes, but it was 2018 and face time existed.

AIBU to feel weird about this? Should I tell him I looked or just leave it and move on? Or is he maybe not over her?

How did the OP’s posts break talk guidelines? I didn’t read anything inappropriate.

Given all posts but the very first post by the OP have been deleted, I can only comment on that.

Reading every letter was a dreadful thing to do. Opening it for a Quick Look is one thing, reading it all? No. Imagine if he'd read your teenage diaries or something.

Do not move in with him, do not have a baby with him. You don't trust him and think it's fine to invade his privacy by reading everything in the box. This is not the basis of a successful relationship.

I have never seen this happen before. Unless it’s the boyfriend worried he’ll be identified. But I don’t think there was anything identifiable bar a couple of quotes from reactions on instagram. But they were very generic. If the OP was dodgy in some way the whole thread would go.

If they were direct quotes of someone else's private words posted without their permission then I do think it's right to delete them.

Ah, perhaps that was the ex's real name in a previous post.

I think it must be because the partner and ex could be identifiable.

I can only see the first post from OP but reading between the lines my mystic powers tell me this relationship is doomed.

He was with her for a big chunk of his life, at a very important and transformational stage of it. I don't think you can expect him just to throw that all away.

True. But they were very generic and unidentifiable comments. Like ‘Nice grub’ and ‘really, you?’ (Paraphrasing) and only in one or two. May be it’s a glitch. So odd.

Oh. I didn’t see a name. I didn’t clock that. That would do it.

What a strange thread

I noticed it but it was just in one post. There’s been a wholesale deletion for some bizarre reason.

That was a massive invasion of his privacy, and really you should be ashamed of yourself. His life before he met you is none of your business. Tell him if you want, but if I was him I’d dump you.

A snooper rarely finds things they’re happy to see.

There is another thread that has just had all of the OP's replies deleted too. I wonder if someone has misplaced the "delete thread" button. 😬

Don't think we can comment now that the posts have vanished. I did see the full sad tale. Others following won't have.

I don’t think so because the whole thread was momentarily deleted, it came back again almost instantly. Maybe it’s someone’s first day in the job.

I think regardless of the snooping you have only been together two years and you are already pregnant. For some that may be great but you have said its undecided if you will keep the baby.

I think this is quite a massive issue and maybe you have given him a way out.
I could be off the mark and it's just a thought.

I know sometimes when they ban a poster they delete all their posting history too. Maybe it's glitching.

What a lovely thing to say ❤️

He's entitled to a past and to remember it. You are massively out of order. When he inevitably dumps you do you want him to forget you existed?

This!

I can almost understand why you looked in the box, but to have sat and rifled through the contents, and actually read letters is a shocking and unforgivable invasion of privacy.

He was 16 when he met her, those years are so great and formative, it doesn't mean he still loves her. I think (hope) i still have letters and cards from my BF from those days in the loft, it doesn't mean I still love him, it was just a fun time before adult responsibilities really kicked in.

The deleted parts of this thread (if it's real) say that he's been texting her on the side about still loving her or some such

I had a long relationship before my current partner and have a box of cards, notes, things from when we were together. I love my current Partner dearly and keep things from him too but I’d hate to be parted from the relics! It’s all sentimental stuff from my early 20’s - I would also be mortified if my current partner went rifling through it! It was a different time, I was a different person but they’re still special things to me! Especially in a world where everything is so digitalised now.