Memory box for his ex

[Chloslilly]

Hi all, my BF and I have been together for 2 years, he is 24 and I am 28. We are moving in together and I am 9 weeks pregnant (undecided if we are going to keep the baby).

Tonight after work I came to his to help him back, I found a box under the bed, it had a sticky label on it reading his name and his exes, clearly not his handwriting. He was with his ex from 16-20, long distance from 18-20 as she went away for uni. I asked what it was and he said "stuff", I asked if he wanted to keep it and what stuff (referencing the label). He said just bits and pieces and yes I want to keep it, he was quite defensive and he took it from me and sat it to the side.

I've been thinking about it all night and I woke up. I know this is an invasion of his privacy but I got up and took the box to the living room. I opened it, and it is filled with letters she sent him, little note books with polaroids of them on trips with him writing about the day beside it. Loose polaroids all with captions on the end (in her handwriting) saying things like "first date". There were some unsent letters from him to her, he dated them and they were handwritten and towards the end of the relationship. They are long and filled with details of his life, how much he misses her and loves her and can't wait to see her. Also random jewellery, book marks, tickets from events and all sorts. Also a whole little booklet just with pictures of her, clearly from dates or things they were at together but anyway.

I feel like I have never ever seen this side of him, he's very nonchalant, he doesn't really do big displays of affection, I don't expect it and really I find it all a bit cringe but it is making me feel odd, like he loved her more than he does me or something. Also the way he was so defensive when I found it and made it clear he wants to keep it, it isn't like he just forgot it existed.

I also don't really get the letters etc, like they were long distance yes, but it was 2018 and face time existed.

AIBU to feel weird about this? Should I tell him I looked or just leave it and move on? Or is he maybe not over her?

I agree with a poster above, it’s probably best to get off instagram. If I was your friend I’d be taking your phone off you and just letting you vent. What a horrible shock you’re going through. Definitely leave his place as soon as you can and go to your parents or somewhere you feel comfortable like a friends. Have you got a friend you could call that’ll be free just now? I just think (I’ve been through similar, being cheated on and finding out abruptly) that you’re spiralling, and you need to get a nice friend of family member to catch you. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.

OP you were wrong and no amount of spinning will change that. If the roles were reversed everyone would be telling you to LTB

Even though it means she's found out that he's a lying, cheating scumbag who slags her off to his ex, says he doesn't want the baby that she's pregnant with and constantly sends flirty messages to the ex?
I'd say it's a bloody good job she looked and will now save herself years of heartache with the knob.

Normally I would say You are 28 getting jealous about something someone did when they were 16-20 but just read the update, I am so sorry.

how awful. Can you call in sick and move back to your folks house? Sending bug love

Shouldn't she? You think it would have been better she didn't know this manbaby was still obsessed with his ex? Didn't want her to have his baby? That would have been a better outcome?

Not very friendly, ladybird 🤨

So sorry OP but this is clearly over. Get some space and thinking time at your parents and lean on them for RL support. You will need to decide whether you want to continue this pregnancy as a single parent and you need time and space to make that decision.

you violated his privacy? How dare you!

It was a perfect relationship & he still cheated?

And needs to keep a reminder of that??

He isn't over her is he?

My kids are both older than him & I wouldn't think either are ready to be parents yet.

Can't help thinking that he isn't either.

I honestly don't know what to do.
He messaged me from the living room, I'm in the kitchen this is what it says

"I'm sorry I can't have you crying here all day, please go to your mums"

I can't as she is out and I don't have a key (forgot it), she said she will be back for midday.

He replied to me saying I can't with (I'm coping this from the message exactly)

I fucked xxxx when she visited in June, I know that probably hurts but It's better I tell the truth. We have sexted since then too"

I went to try talk to him about it and he shouted to please just leave.

I have never ever felt pain like this.

So sorry Op I missed your updates.

He is utterly vile.

Hope you manage to get away soon.

Actually, this is a perfectly good reason to keep the reminders and shows he is a decent emotionally intelligent man. It doesn't mean that he is not over her, it means that he is still angry with himself for the distress he caused. Maybe listen to what he is saying rather than extrapolate information based on your own insecurities.

Well he's free to go to Australia now. He's living in the past with rose coloured glasses. It won't work, but that's not your problem. I'm so sorry.

Sadly not given the OP’s latest update.

Have you read the follow ups? Op you have had a lucky escape. He is not a good person and he hasn’t learned anything from it when he has cheated on you! Go home, be kind to yourself, cut him off for now and give yourself time to decide what you want to do in regards to the baby. This man is awful

Read OP’s updates…

She's obviously not that perfect. She knows about you and she's still slept with him whilst he's with someone else.

They both deserve each other.

Honestly in time you'll find someone else who makes you so happy. I'd also have a very big think about whether I'd want to keep the baby and be a single Mum and have an attachment to this man.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, you deserve better than this.

@Chloslilly do you have a friend you could go to or if you called your mum could she come and get you? Have you told her what’s happened?

You are in shock, your life has been turned upside down and you need support. Unfortunately he’s not the person you can rely on anymore and as much pain as you’re in he’s not going to make it better. Leave as soon as you are physically able to and let people who love you take care of you

Ok, I stand corrected on the ex issue. Still, someone who goes on reading other's letters and checking their phone is not a person who is mature enough to be in a relationship. Massive invasion of privacy and, frankly, illegal.

He sounds awful and immature; a decent man doesn't throw his phone at his pregnant girlfriend and tell her he doesn't like her. Telling you not to cry when he's just dropped a bombshell of having cheated is despicable. It was wrong to snoop, but he could have just told you it was a box of photos rather than being cagey about it. It's not especially unusual to keep photos with exes in them, but labelling the box with their name and dates of the relationship is pretty creepy.

If he was so happy in his past relationship and life was so perfect, then he wouldn't have cheated on her. Leave this loser to wallow in his own self pity and don't get wrapped up into moving into this new house with him.

Message back that you'll be gone by midday. Go and pack your things, shut yourself in a room until you can leave and don't bother to communicate further with him. Get angry.

💯

I would be furious too. I'm not sure if you have a future together. You had absolutely no right to do this. It was private.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP, but better to find out now. You will see it as a lucky escape in time, because that’s what it is 💐

This relationship was doomed anyway. Just because the ‘right’ outcome has emerged from her looking in the box does not make that act any better.

Oh drip feed again.