Have you got a "no because" friend?

[Soniastrumpet1984]

I've got a nice friend , fairly new . I really got on with her but at times, she can be tricky. She'll start a conversation, leading a certain way and when I join in, she will shut it down. Its nothing really important, here's an example (not a real one)
"I really need to get some new trousers in town
Me : oh nice. I saw some nice ones in New Look
"I can't go to New Look as the stuff is always rubbish. I might look in M&S
Me: they'll have some nice stuff
"Yeah but I hate M&S. There's never enough choice unless you go online"
Me : you could try online if you can't find anything in the shop
"I don't like online though"
I like her a lot but a conversation is like banging your head on the wall sometimes

God I couldn't last long around this. Life is too short for these negative draining vibes OP.

As the poster above said, some people are just negative. You’d actually be doing them a favour by gently pointing this out. Some people have no idea how much they whinge and might need that lesson to help them get on better with others!

Yeah it's hard to get a conversation going as she will bring stuff up, but then block answers
She'll suggest a coffee, then I'll say yeah sure what time /place. She will often then answer with a non committal "I need to do a food shop" or something like that. It's tricky to navigate!

What a negative Nancy...she sounds proper boring

My MIL is like this (not MIL bashing, because I love her to bits, and she is a very kind and loving person) she is just a stereotypical glass half empty person, and according to her kids she’s always been the same. I do think she had a harder life with FIL than has been openly spoken about if you know what I mean. Which I believe is part of the reason she is the way she is.

Yes i have.

One aspect is regular put downs of herself peppered through conversations.

I always always say noooooo [friend's name]! You're NOT fat/stupid/flaky/lazy/ugly or whatever she's calling herself, and the convo stumbles on ...

Over the years she's doing it less, but honestly it's a bit annoying. I feel bad saying that. But it's almost like a habit, and it buggers up the flow of the conversation because you have to stop and say no no ect. If you don't it seems like you're agreeing 🙄

Maybe if she is so negative don't try and resolve her problems. Is she just having a moan about having to 'trying to find trousers' and isn't looking for a solution or suggestion.

Maybe try turning it around by asking her what she will do about it or if she has seen some she likes or say those you had on last week were nice. Basically ask a question that doesn't have a yes no reply. If that doesn't work and you can't face it then just minimise contact. Good luck!

Reminds me of Eric Berne's "yes but" game from Games People Play.

The only way to win is not to play!

To stop this ask her where she's buying from

Her
I need some new trousers
You Oh where are you going to look?
Her New Look
You Do you have a style in mind?
Her Yes high waisted

Your answers are a bit advice led and she hasn't asked you for advice so she might be shutting you down

I have a "yeah but" one 😂
Honestly go along with the madness sometimes and it really spirals 😂
If fairly new I'd leg it. I'm two decades in 😂 jokes aside, they're a great person just went a bit weird after having a kid. Like the soul and morals are on point but if I wasn't in so deep I'd have legged it. New people she meets leg it.

Sounds like my mum 🙄

No, because...

I instantly run a million times away from this type of person. Seriously, life's too short to waste my social time with people like this...it would drive me potty.

I once had a colleague who I think just didn't like me and wanted to disagree with every single thing I said... it was always,

"Yeah, but, to be fair - the sky isn't blue/it's not Good Morning/ whatever you've just said I'm going to say the opposite of because I can".

I'm still delighted that I never have to see her again. Well...sometimes I do but I cross the street to avoid her as it would be, "Well...to be fair...what do you mean? Hello? How am I? To be fair I don't know what you're talking about..."

I had a manager who did it. In the end, I just said "Yes, you're probably right" whenever he contradicted completely inconsequential remarks.

She wouldn’t be my friend.

I call them Yebbuts after their favourite line "Yeah, but..."

They fuck me right off

Suggest a place to go, an activity, a place to look for clothes, household items, charity shopping etc and it gets shot down with "Yeah, but..."

They are a 'contrarian' - whatever you say they have some knee jerk trigger to disagree.

Its often when the are complaining about something and you kindly suggest something that will help and are always knocked back.

Detach and distance - is the only solution.

That's brilliant! I wish I'd had the opportunity to use that with her.

She got fired and has been her own boss ever since. Wonder if she argues with herself.

She sounds really draining 🫤
If you want to stay friends you might have to do it in small doses.

That's my dad and my DH has traits, hence all of my friends are super positive "yes" types.

It's draining for sure.

My ex-'friend' who was like this socially has been fired from 3 jobs to date and now works as a 'consultant'.

Oh a "Why Don't You - Yes But" game player!!

Worth a google - it's a well know thing and my psychology prof at Uni was all over this and other similar "games"

There are strategies available to avoid being drawn in.

No, I really don't have any friends like this-she sounds tray annoying and hard work and not someone I'd want to be around!

Nope, she's a pain in the arse.
Stop trying.

I knew someone like this once. I stopped engaging, which they didn't like, but honestly, what's the point?! Anything you suggest will be met with opposition, and it just goes in circles.

I've got one on my facebook and I have to admit I very much enjoy it. That's because she's my next door neighbour and not a friend so I don't have to have an actual relationship with her.

Does anyone know where to buy white school tops?

(always someone really not difficult to solve)

Yes, I saw some in Asda.

Can't get to Asda because it's on a hill and I've got a ingrowing toenail.

What about M&S, they have free delivery.

No, can't get them there because theirs have two buttons and Sophie can only fasten one button

Etc.