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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Safeguarding concern - 2 year old

125 replies

Newmama2222 · 13/01/2025 12:28

I dont know what to think. My 2 year old DD stays with her dad for 2 nights every fortnight - he was adamant on this or court. Sometimes my ex takes her to his mums and sometimes his, he doesn’t tell me or update me when he takes her. Recently my DD has told me she doesn’t like to go to grandmas house and when I ask her why she says something happens “in the middle of the night” and when I probe further she changes the subject or runs away. She got back from her dad’s on Saturday with a huge bruise on the top of the back of her thigh. Again this could be anything but I am feeling really uneasy. I texted him to ask if she fell and he said no and it was strange.

At her grandmas house my ex’s brother (age 17 or 18) lives there. Now I’m worried something could be happening. Obviously I would have no idea unless she told me and what she’s said is quite vague.

Does anyone know if there’s anyone I should speak to? I don’t know if I’m worrying unnecessarily. She could have bad dreams in the night for example. But I have no idea and I don’t feel comfortable just leaving it like this as I want to be certain she is safe. Any advice would be greatly appreciated from a worried mum.

OP posts:
user1469569516 · 13/01/2025 12:31

Please call the police.
Your child is very young, but has been able to tell you enough.
Trust your daughter and your gut on this.

floormops · 13/01/2025 12:32

I think at the very least you need to photograph the bruise. If her dad can't explain the injury perhaps his mum can.
If neither of them can Maybe you need to speak to your health visitor or GP for advice.
Listen to your gut feeling on this.
An unexplained massive bruise is very concerning.

Mrsttcno1 · 13/01/2025 12:34

floormops · 13/01/2025 12:32

I think at the very least you need to photograph the bruise. If her dad can't explain the injury perhaps his mum can.
If neither of them can Maybe you need to speak to your health visitor or GP for advice.
Listen to your gut feeling on this.
An unexplained massive bruise is very concerning.

Yeah this, at an absolute minimum.

If your child was at nursery and they spotted a bruise like that unexplained it would likely be a referral, if she came back from nursery with an “unexplained” bruise them you would make the referral, a family member is no different.

Fedupfrankly · 13/01/2025 12:36

Call police, NSPCC or local social services for advice. If this custody agreement was arranged by the court inform your social worker. I would want this checking out if. If they came to a childcare setting you would at the very least had to have a conversation with a manager about the bruise. 💐

spoonfulofsugar1 · 13/01/2025 12:37

I would be phoning the police, I wouldn't be waiting. I appreciate its hard and you probably don't want to antagonise your ex, but your toddler has said something happens, i would contact the police and let them take it forward. Your intuition is powerful and its obviously telling you something.

letshavetea · 13/01/2025 12:37

You should always believe children. For one so young she’s told you quite a lot. You have what she’s said, not wanting to go to grandmas, the bruise (unexplained) and your gut feeling.
Don’t question her again. Photograph the bruise. Write it all down and date it. Call the police and/or children’s safeguarding. If you want to talk it through the NSPCC are excellent. Don’t say anything to your ex, grandma or anyone else in the grandma’s household.
All the very best.

letshavetea · 13/01/2025 12:38

Oh and don’t send her there again for now.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/01/2025 12:39

As this is t court ordered visits, I'd stop your DD going until you are 100% sure she is safe.

Speak to Ex's mum, take photos of the bruising and call NSPCC for advice.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/01/2025 12:40

*isn't

EasternEcho · 13/01/2025 12:40

Please believe your child. She doesn't want to go there. She's told you as best she could as to what happens. She's got a bruise. Don't send her there again until you investigate.

CluelessAsFuck · 13/01/2025 12:41

Trust your gut and get authorities involved now

letshavetea · 13/01/2025 12:42

Do not speak to ex’s Mum whatever you do.

MissDoubleU · 13/01/2025 12:47

Call police and SS immediately and get their advice. DD has stated she does not want to return because of something happening - not because something happened once. Trust her and yourself and do everything to safeguard her.

If nothing is wrong and it was completely innocent then your ex should be satisfied that you did everything to protect HIS child also. You aren’t accusing him or anyone specifically, but this cannot be ignored. Your DD is uncomfortable there for a reason. No one else’s opinions should matter beyond your DD’s safety

Sixpence39 · 13/01/2025 12:49

I would go to police and also first maybe try to have a very relaxed chat while you're playing with daughter and she's calm and happy to see if you can get an actual disclosure. Remind her you love her no matter what and if someone is hurting her or making her feel sad you will protect her and she will never be in trouble for what another adult does, even if they have told her she can't tell anyone.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 13/01/2025 12:50

You are not overreacting.
You need to phone the Police. You can also google to number for your local children’s safeguarding services and ask their advice.
Photograph the bruise and write down word for word what she said and time/date it.

You don’t send her back there until you know she’s safe.
Her Dad should be as concerned as you are.

Original poster
Newmama2222 · 13/01/2025 12:58

Thank you so much for your responses, I have been in internal dialogue with myself on this and didn’t know where to turn. His grandma and his brother seem “normal” but that really doesn’t mean much i know. Sometimes she says she likes grandma and grandma is in her family but she is always adamant she doesn’t want to go there - she also tells me she doesn’t like her uncles. That is consistent and she’s definitely telling me something. I can’t bring it up with her dad as he is very protective over his family, very volitile and would never see it as me protecting her, he would see it as me blocking her from seeing them. I previously flagged that she doesn't like it and his response was “she’s two years old it’s not up to her where she goes”…

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 13/01/2025 13:06

Definitely speak with police. Likes grandma but doesn't want to go there and doesn't like her uncles is worrying.

MyProudHare · 13/01/2025 13:06

I am telling you this not to scare you but to emphasise how serious it could be.

On Friday, we discovered that my BIL (husband's sister's husband) has been convicted of child sex offences.

We hadn't seen them for a couple of years as DH and his sister fell out over something else.

But this guy... he appears normal. They walk among us. We have been at family occasions with them. Thankfully they live far away and the kids have not been alone with him, but we still had to speak to them about whether 'Uncle P' had ever made them feel uncomfortable. It was awful, having those conversations and we are so lucky that our children have not come to harm.

Now, it may well be perfectly innocent here, but your daughter is telling you something important, she has no words to describe it further. Please listen, please report. She has no one else to protect her.

I would also consider making an urgent GP appointment for a physical examination.

LasagneLasagne · 13/01/2025 13:16

Some really great advice here already. I would agree with NOT speaking to your ex or his mum about it.

Go direct to the police, or take advice from the NSPCC. We tried reporting a recent SA concern directly to children's services, but I'm afraid they were useless - and have continued to be so.

KnickerFolder · 13/01/2025 13:22

You absolutely should stop visits for now and get advice from SS and someone with training in talking to young children without asking leading questions can talk to your DD. Don’t say anything to your ex and his family yet.

Do not ignore this but to put your mind at rest, it is more likely that “something happening in the night” is a nightmare or people arguing or she is being left to cry when she wakes up or told off for waking everyone up. You 100% need to investigate this but try not to panic about the worst possible scenario until professionals have looked into this.

wineandagoodbook · 13/01/2025 13:22

It could be nothing, grandma sleep walks, uncle plays on his PlayStation all night screaming, uncle has girlfriend over and they have loud sex.

But it could be something much more sinister than this. SS need to be consulted. They are there to help and work closely with the police and the safeguarding teams. They can do welfare visits and assessments and help you in court if you need to stop him having overnight visits etc.

Also, if she is supposed to be spending time with her father, why is he leaving her at his mothers? Or does he stay there with her?

oakleaffy · 13/01/2025 13:27

@Newmama2222 Believe your daughter.
Don’t send her there again until this has been investigated.

WHAT happens in the night?

This is concerning.
The large unaccounted for bruise for starters .

That would have hurt.

She would have cried.

How did that happen???

falalalalaaaaaaaa · 13/01/2025 13:30

So sorry you and your daughter are dealing with this, OP. As above I would call either the police or the NSPCC at 08088005000 urgently for advice, and pause visits until it can be figured out what's going on. As PP said, with a big bruise she would have been upset so they should at least be able to tell you why or how it happened. Thank you for listening to her. Really hope you get to the bottom of it soon Flowers

cestlavielife · 13/01/2025 13:32

Take her to gp they can make the safeguarding referral

darksideofthestudio · 13/01/2025 13:39

There is only one call to make, and that is the Police. Today. They have trained officers who will then investigate, with your daughter’s wellbeing a priority. She has already made a disclosure to you, she has a suspicious bruise and her behaviour has changed. That is enough evidence. Do not contact your ex, or his family. Let the Police and Social services do their job. Your daughter is 2, she needs your protection and action, please don’t procrastinate any longer.