Safeguarding concern - 2 year old

[Newmama2222]

I dont know what to think. My 2 year old DD stays with her dad for 2 nights every fortnight - he was adamant on this or court. Sometimes my ex takes her to his mums and sometimes his, he doesn’t tell me or update me when he takes her. Recently my DD has told me she doesn’t like to go to grandmas house and when I ask her why she says something happens “in the middle of the night” and when I probe further she changes the subject or runs away. She got back from her dad’s on Saturday with a huge bruise on the top of the back of her thigh. Again this could be anything but I am feeling really uneasy. I texted him to ask if she fell and he said no and it was strange.

At her grandmas house my ex’s brother (age 17 or 18) lives there. Now I’m worried something could be happening. Obviously I would have no idea unless she told me and what she’s said is quite vague.

Does anyone know if there’s anyone I should speak to? I don’t know if I’m worrying unnecessarily. She could have bad dreams in the night for example. But I have no idea and I don’t feel comfortable just leaving it like this as I want to be certain she is safe. Any advice would be greatly appreciated from a worried mum.

Cafcass ime are a useless body...
A senior officer admitted on the stand he had based his 4 year case on information he got from my exh....
Not unbiased as was his duty of care to my dc.

Yes please🙏

Contact NSPCC for advice - they are very good. Honestly, I think if you contact social services for advice I think they would support you in not sending her.

I wouldn't allow further overnight stays in this situation. If she was guaranteed staying at dad's that is one thing....but the presence of a male teenager at grans is an unnecessary risk to me. With the unexplained bruise and what she has said - there could well be an innocent explanation, but why would you risk it. She doesn't feel safe there and that is enough - she deserves to feel safe.

The only ones to help you are the police. Trust me....

I haven't read all the pp answers, but I have read all your updates OP. I'm so sorry you are going through this, this is literally my worst nightmare. Would role playing with your DD help her explain/show what she means? You could use dolls/teddies or you role play your DD sleeping at grandma and she shows what happens?
I agree with contacting NSPCC, they are gold! I would contact SS but I have no experience or insight to say if that's a good idea or not.

Reading this gives me chills @Hollietree it’s absolutely terrifying. I hope you were kept safe ❤️🫂

Thank you @darksideofthestudio this is horrible to think about but is vital to remember. There is no way I am letting this lie.

Thank you, she is communicative to a point, I just want to keep it going.

And that is the worst part. I do not know. He keeps me in the dark as some sort of power play I think. I asked for updates and he insinuates I am controlling and need to back off. My DD told me she doesn’t have a cot there but daddy brings a travel one. She then said something to me last night about everyone sleeping alone. I don’t know what that means but she has also said to me she is safe with mummy. She also doesn’t really like men and that could well be because she is with me the majority of the time and she’s so young but all of these elements paint a picture that I do not feel comfortable with.

Thank you yes I was unaffected by it. He never laid a finger on me, my siblings or cousins. It was only two years ago that he died out of the blue and it all came out …… turns out he had been arrested and been told that he was likely going to get a long prison sentence.

It’s absolutely floored me now as an adult - I can literally trust no-one anymore. This was one of my most trusted people ever, a lovely kind and smiley man, looked up to in the community.

Sorry didn’t mean to derail your thread about my experience. Just wanted to point out that just because your child’s Grandmother and her Uncles seem like nice normal people, it means nothing. If your child is telling you that someone is hurting them, then please believe them and always make sure it is fully investigated. It’s just not worth any risk is it.

I do hope that you get to the bottom of your situation. Well done for being an amazing Mum and doing something about this. Even if it turns out to be nothing, a misunderstanding, you always have to put your children’s safety above anything else. X

I would obviously keep her away from her father's care until you are sure. Did NSPCC advise an x-ray at A&E?

Take this seriously. Abuse by a family member is very common. I know someone who experience this at the hands of an older teen relative. She must not go back again and your ex needs to take this seriously or not go unsupervised access. I would maybe ask your daughter to point to a picture of the person she was scared of in the house.

I would speak to NSPCC first. Then if they suggest to, which from searching I feel they would, I'd contact the police.
My child would no longer go to their dads and he could take me to court if he wanted, but my priority would be my child.
I would stop all non professional people asking my child questions or putting thoughts in their head about monsters etc
Something is going on, and it might be perfectly innocent. But what if it isn't?

I would firstly take a pic of the bruise. I'd gently ask your dc again why she doesn't like going to grandma's and what's happening in the middle of the night. Ask if anyone is hurting her ( or age appropriate) like making her feel uncomfortable. I'd video this while doing so, see if you get any further. If not , speak to health visitor or another professional for advice

Freshflower you really don't know what you are talking about. Your advice is as far from the appropriate measures as it can be..

I just wanted to ask how you are OP ?

Hi OP. I wondered who the external sources are you mentioned you'd spoken to?

I would really recommend either seeing your GP, health visitor or calling nspcc.

Did you get through to cafcass? Is that the same as social services or different?

I know it's really hard to do this and it's human instinct to minimise possible harm to a child. But it's so important to act on your worries and get it looked at properly.

It's also better to ask professionals early rather than leave it for days and weeks. If someone saw the bruise they could accuse you of harming her and then she could end up at her dad's whilst it's investigated (!). These things can get into a he said she said situation.

You mentioned on another thread that there was domestic violence between you and your ex - this increases the risk to your DD that this bruise was not an accident.

Good luck, take a deep breath and if you're feeling panicky at the thought of what to do, call the NSPCC, they are so lovely.

I can’t believe the timing of this but I received an email from her dad asking to increase time and I just took his call and he said if I don’t agree he’s going to file for court or he likely will anyway as he thinks she needs more time with both parents.

I hadn’t mentioned anything about what DD has been saying beyond me asking him about the bruise at the weekend.

So far I have spoken to Cafcass, the HV and doctor. I am wondering if I need to now call child services as I am extremely concerned. He is now going to say I am doing this to stop him seeing her more.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate. I feel so concerned at the idea of her being forced to see him more in case anything is happening. He is also very manipulative and smart with it. For example, SS were previously flagged up around previous emotional DV during pregnancy and he almost convinced them that he’s actually a good guy..!

You absolutely need to call children's services to safeguard your daughter.
I'm sure it will be scary to do that, but you are 100% doing the right thing x

Do you know if the Doctor, HV or Cafcass has made a Safeguarding referral? This is why my recommendation was to go straight to the Police, they would then put things in motion from a multi agency perspective. You are now left in a position where you are effectively herding cats and not knowing who is talking to who and is akin to a scattergun approach. Do you qualify for legal aid or have sufficient funds to see a family law specialist? If your ex has his own property, it would not be unreasonable to get an order in place that your daughter is to be supervised by him at all times whilst in his care and such care must only take place at his residential address, with a review of this order when she reaches a certain age. Would such an order appease your fears?

does she go to nursery? if she does, they might be able to help you make a referral?

I am so sorry this is awful

Call child services, discuss your concerns with them, they may well support pausing access.
And let him try to get court ordered access.
In my experience the court welfare officer was brilliant in speaking to young child about their experiences and needs.

I think you should stop worrying about the father's reaction and allowing that detract from doing what's best for your child. It doesn't matter about the timing or what the father is going to think about your motives. As PP said, you should have gone to the police right away. Please do call children's services now without further delay by dithering over what to do, based on what the father will think.

Yes do approach social services yourself. You need to be seen to be proactive, not just continuing to send her somewhere with an unexplained injury, let alone the feelings about staying at Nanny's.

Thank you all. The doctor made a log and asked me to call Cafcass, so I’ve gone around the houses a bit, but I will am calling child services as priority. He’s not due to have her until next week but this needs sorting asap.