Safeguarding concern - 2 year old

[Newmama2222]

I dont know what to think. My 2 year old DD stays with her dad for 2 nights every fortnight - he was adamant on this or court. Sometimes my ex takes her to his mums and sometimes his, he doesn’t tell me or update me when he takes her. Recently my DD has told me she doesn’t like to go to grandmas house and when I ask her why she says something happens “in the middle of the night” and when I probe further she changes the subject or runs away. She got back from her dad’s on Saturday with a huge bruise on the top of the back of her thigh. Again this could be anything but I am feeling really uneasy. I texted him to ask if she fell and he said no and it was strange.

At her grandmas house my ex’s brother (age 17 or 18) lives there. Now I’m worried something could be happening. Obviously I would have no idea unless she told me and what she’s said is quite vague.

Does anyone know if there’s anyone I should speak to? I don’t know if I’m worrying unnecessarily. She could have bad dreams in the night for example. But I have no idea and I don’t feel comfortable just leaving it like this as I want to be certain she is safe. Any advice would be greatly appreciated from a worried mum.

Never assume anyone is normal. I work in safeguarding, and you would be horrified at the truth of who is capable of committing abuse. Please take decisive and immediate action

Another post purely to support your confidence. As others have said, please believe your daughter. You have her verbal evidence, and the physical bruise.

Best case scenario it’s night terrors & she coincidentally knocked her leg without remembering. But worst case scenario really could be horrendous and you just can’t take that gamble with kids.

Re they seem normal, above post covers this but for real world example see recently disgraced news anchor who was caught with indecent images on their phone. A national treasure, until he was caught.

It’s very concerning that you were the one that found the bruise.

Good caregivers would have known what had caused it, and told you about it before you even found it.

At the bare minimum, your ex’s care is failing her.

But I agree with every other poster saying listen to her gut and your feelings about the night time fear.

If you need a short term reason to say she can’t go there while you figure things out, you could tell the Ex that she has norovirus (diarrhoea and vomiting) and has to stay home.

as previous posts have said you need to take it further… it may be nothing but it needs to be reported. A large bruise on the back of a thigh is an unusual place for a small child to have a bruise. Arms, legs, shins, elbows etc fairly standard but on the back of a thigh? Bruising in places you wouldn’t normally see bruising is a concern. Again may be some random fall back into something but I’d expect someone to know about it in that instance.

The police have people who are trained to talk to children about things like this please contact them you won't get anyone if trouble if they haven't done anything.

Hope you’re ok after reading these replies it must be scary. You’re doing the right thing 🩷

When my dd disclosed abuse at 3 I rang 999.... She was believed immediately..
As will your dd. Don't, in any shape or form quiz her... You could damage a potential case....leave it entirely to hej professionals.. You will both be well supported.. Don't tip ex off either...

Agree with above posters, do NOT try and quiz your daughter in any way. Call police, they have people trained how to talk to children about these things and then you can’t be accused of leading her into conclusions or coaching her to say certain things when police do question her.

Do not hesitate. Do this now.

She needs a forensic medical asap.

The police or social work can arrange this.

A specially trained paediatrician will examine her (with you there). They will measure the bruising. They may want to take a forensic photo.

If they feel she is old enough (highly unlikely at 2) they could interview her which is done with a police officer & social worker (also both specially trained).

It is very difficult to prove that an injury is non-accidental so it's likely to be no further actioned.

But the investigation should at least stop something bad happening again if it has.

Dear god I felt sick while reading this. Please call the police or social services. Something is happening to this little girl.

Thank you all so much. She has been with my mum today who has been asking her whether it could be monsters in the middle of the night, I’m sure this isn’t helping as she’s probably getting confused. I am calling them to get professional help with examining and asking her the right questions. She speaks very well so it makes no sense that she can say something is happening in the middle of the night but not able to explain what it is.

For everyone who has said they are walking amongst us, that’s what scares me the most. I have a friend who comes from a social work background and she said the predators she’d interview were successful, normal looking men.

Hopefully it isn’t anything but I can’t fail her and will do everything I can to get to the bottom of this.

Thank you all for helping me to talk this through.

If you didn't want to say to him that you're stopping access due to your concerns, you could take her to the doctor and say the bruise was hurting her so you wanted to get it checked, and it snowballed from there xx

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. It's horrible. I'm sending you lots of love xx

Please tell your mum to stop asking her about this also, her getting confused is not going to help and might make her shut down and not want to talk about it any further. Monsters in the middle of the night could mean night terrors or men she sees as a monster because he’s hurting her. Hand this to the professionals TODAY. Please don’t hesitate in getting this little girl the help she deserves

I agree with the others, you need to contact the police.
The bruise and the not liking are big red flags to me.
Any kid can get a bruise easily, but paired with the not wanting to go to gradma's house and not liking her uncles is suspicious.

And yes, people hide in plain sight. I have come across two paedophiles in the past few years, both seemingly normal men who gave off no dodgy vibes at all (both teachers).

Oh Op, this is terrifying. You must be so worried. I really hope it's nothing but will echo what others have said about stopping contact and report now to get this looked into.

As others have said
-do not send her again
-call police. They will inform social services etc. so you don't have to call anyone else
-write down everything your daughter said as accurately as possible, with date and time, and take photos of the bruise

Your mother is an idiot. No one except professionals should be asking your DD questions right now.

social workers have techniques to get info out of kids with special games, definitely don't try to get any more information out of her, it could end up with her telling someone that "mummy said x" which would be a red herring and lead them to suspecting you're making things up to try to stop her dad's family seeing her.
hopefully it's just no light on, or strange noises in the night or she fell out of the bed or something (which could have caused the bruise), but you need to be sure.

Did you watch the show about abuse in the nice house against the man. Why on earth were the police officers so shocked.

Op have you told you ex partner, why would he want his daughter to be harmed or placed at risk. Have that conversation with him.

Your daughter hasn't disclosed abuse at this point. You need to try and speak to her about people in Grandmas home, like tell me about uncle bla bla if possible. Or sit and play with her and tell her to show you what scary thing happens at night.

At this stage they won't examine a child without something further as right now it's all assumptions, it could be something or could be nothing.

However safeguard your child whilst you look into this but I would explain to all involved exactly why your safeguarding her and seek legal advice

She doesn't like her young uncle... he might be abusing her sexually or he might just not be nice to her. Can you bring her to a psychologist who can talk/play with her to get to the bottom of this. This must be so stressful for you..❤️

Definitely. If it turns out to be nothing, no real harm done. Better safe than sorry.

That's terrifying.

I would definitely start with a doctor's appointment about the bruise.

Don't hesitate, call now.