Safeguarding concern - 2 year old

[Newmama2222]

I dont know what to think. My 2 year old DD stays with her dad for 2 nights every fortnight - he was adamant on this or court. Sometimes my ex takes her to his mums and sometimes his, he doesn’t tell me or update me when he takes her. Recently my DD has told me she doesn’t like to go to grandmas house and when I ask her why she says something happens “in the middle of the night” and when I probe further she changes the subject or runs away. She got back from her dad’s on Saturday with a huge bruise on the top of the back of her thigh. Again this could be anything but I am feeling really uneasy. I texted him to ask if she fell and he said no and it was strange.

At her grandmas house my ex’s brother (age 17 or 18) lives there. Now I’m worried something could be happening. Obviously I would have no idea unless she told me and what she’s said is quite vague.

Does anyone know if there’s anyone I should speak to? I don’t know if I’m worrying unnecessarily. She could have bad dreams in the night for example. But I have no idea and I don’t feel comfortable just leaving it like this as I want to be certain she is safe. Any advice would be greatly appreciated from a worried mum.

Bruises in places that aren't are one of the things those who are do safeguarding trainings are told to look for. Is it in a place that could be explained, bumping into a table, etc. From how you mentioned it is sounds like its not, shape and size area also indications.
Please speak to someone locally who can help guide you.

Hope you’re ok OP. This must be frightening for you 😔

How are things going OP? Thinking of you xx

Thank you so much for checking in ❤️. I’m taking her to the docs tomorrow when they open. I’ll dip back in here once I’ve had the chat and hear what they say.

DD was very evasive on the topic this evening so I agree with everyone that it needs a professional to speak to her at this point.

I read an NSPCC doc which states that bruises on soft tissues are considered red flags - buttocks, tummy, thigh etc - it’s absolutely awful to wonder what if but the main thing is keeping her safe.

I’m so appreciative for the support and you all checking in xx

How did it go at the docs? 💐

Hope you get the support you need today. If you can't get a Dr appt then you could go to a walk in centre or minor injuries unit? I think it's important you get it looked into to as you already know.

For one thing, if someone else sees it and reported it your ex could say it happened when you were looking after her. So much much better that you are proactive about it. And also by seeking help you can have back up from professionals that she shouldn't be going to his mum's place until this is looked into.

Thinking of you I'm sure it will be a tough day but you're doing the right thing for your DD.

How did you get on at the drs OP?

^^^ 100% this. You must act immediately, and your DD must not leave your care until this has been properly investigated.

Gosh, what a massive worry for you. And your amazing little girl is so brave and clever for opening up to you.
Do you happen to know what the sleeping arrangements are at grandma's? Does she share with dad or have her own room?
Very interesting and frankly worrying that she doesn't like her uncles.
Your lazy arsed ex needs to parent her on his own for the time being, and stop taking her there. Grandma can be hosted at his place.
Please keep us posted.

Actually, your care only for now. We can't assume that dad is a safe and good person just because he's her dad

Always always always take safeguarding concerns with children very seriously.

Going to talk to the GP is a great starting point. And make excuses as to why she needs to skip the next contact - just text the night before to say she has V&D bug and is too poorly to go. Buy yourself some time.

My uncle was a lovely, kind, friendly, helpful, gentle, funny man. Honestly I looked up to him so much, couldn’t say a bad word about him. Someone I admired most in life. A loving husband and Father. I was in a room alone with him 1000 times in my childhood. Last person I ever could have imagined being a bad man. Turned out he was a paedophile. They look like nice normal men.

Call police, it may be nothing like you said but better to be safe, the police have officers and counselors trained for this sort of thing, able to have the conversation in a way that doesn’t accuse anyone but lets the child talk about it naturally.
Hope it’s nothing op and your dd is ok

Hoping all is well op

Glad you are taking her seriously OP. I hope the doctors were okay today.

contact children’s social care and the police, it’s unlikely police will get a disclosure from a 2 year old however it will trigger safeguarding, social care should speak to dad and have a strategy meeting where they can request a child protection medical where doctors call look at the bruise to see if they can ascertain the cause. Take photos of the bruise as well.
but don’t delay ringing as the more the bruising fades the harder it will be evidentially to prove how they occurred.

Hope you’re ok OP, you sound like a wonderful mother

Don’t try and get a disclosure yourself!! Report to the police/social services and let someone trained do the questioning.

Hugs to you and your DD. I know this is hard to do. The professionals are all kind people who are there to work out what's going on and how to keep kids safe, and that's who you need right now.

You got this 💐

Poor baby. She cannit vocalise what is happening in the middle of the night because she is so small. That would be enough for me.

It's also really weird that she has a bruise and nobody knows why.

I would call the police immediately and social services.

Just seen your post OP you did the right thing. As others have said there are professionals play therapists etc who can get them to disclose information I wouldn't probe further but highlight concerns to GP and health visitor and in all honestly I would want it investigated. I wouldn't care what the dad says as other posters say they walk around us we can't tell. Know that you at least protected your child and even if it turns out it is nothing stand your ground that you would do the same thing again to keep your dd safe 🙏

Please tell your dm she isn't to mention anything to your dd. She could be tainting dd's version of thinking..... Dd might say it was monsters because dgm suggested it could be...

Thank you again for all the support. ❤️

So far external sources haven’t been hugely helpful as they are telling I need to look for patterns, ie one bruise could be anything, if she is coming home with bruises and saying this every time then it’s a red flag. They said it could be developmental as she is being split across two houses so having dreams…

They also have said I could self refer to child services as an option. I don’t know whether that’s the best option and what the best step would be. It’s hard to know:

I am going to phone cafcass shortly to get a second opinion.

I’ve told my mum to stop quizzing her, its making her shut down on the topic so having the opposite effect completely.

I am really hoping Cafcass can help me with a clearer next step!

The bruise can be a one off, but what about what your child has told you and her extreme reluctance to go there? Surely these cannot be just brushed off? Please do not send her there again before getting to the bottom of it.

You could also phone the NSPCC. They’re fantastic. They’ll listen and they will advise you well. Glad you’ve told your mum to stop the questions. Which external sources have you used besides the GP? You’re such an amazing support for your daughter.
i wouldn’t send her where she’s unhappy.

OP, is this the first time your daughter has said she didn’t like to go there? I think you did the right thing by going to the GP and seeking advice. It could be completely innocent, and I really hope it is, but you have done the right thing.

My DSD didn’t particularly like staying over at our house when she was little. I had 2 boisterous children (of similar age to DSD) and she just wasn’t used to being part of a busy household - there was just her and her mum at home. Next door’s gate used to bang in the wind which scared her sometimes in the night. It was all very innocent reasons for her not liking to stay at our house.