To wish that people wouldn’t comment on size?

[Whoopydodah]

I work in a hybrid role that is more remote than in the office, and I’m anti social in general so tend to speak to friends via message but only meet sporadically in person.

So I’m prepared to accept this is a me problem as it’s so prevalent.

But over the past few days I’ve had the pleasure of being in the office and socialising in person. It has varied whether it’s been a couple of weeks, a month, couple of months and in one case 6 months since I’ve seen these people.

You’ve lost weight, you look so slim, you look so good.

Except I have the awkward exchange of um no the scales say the same, I’m in the same size clothes, thanks.

But what I’m thinking is you’ve got me bigger in your memory than I am and so I appear slimmer in person, and your comment does not make me feel good about myself.

For reference I’m average, I’m 5’6, 70kg, 24.9 bmi mid 40s - so technically not overweight but carry a few pounds that I could do with losing, but not fussed enough to actually do anything about it.

AIBU to think commenting on someone’s weight is rude? Why has it become a thing that casual acquaintances, colleagues, as well as friends and family all feel it is an acceptable conversation?

I think I get what you mean. If you haven't actually lost weight it doesn't feel like a compliment, it's more like a negative remark somehow.

And where did I say I actually do it to other people 🤔.

Cut me down to size? 😂😂

Just awkward small talk, always nest to keep it it to oh you look good, I like your shoes etc. X

I think you should never comment on something over which the person has no control. If tell someone you like their dress you are complementing them on their choice, if you comment on their weight its on something they have limited control over and it is really rude.
A woman I know often comments on peoples weight, I heard someone say it was because she had been very ill, you would think she would learn her lesson but she doesn't.

Exactly. Dress, bag, shoes, nail colour even - all fine. The minute though that you comment on what someone looks like in them, you've gone too far.

Don't make it personal. If you don't know the difference then keep quiet or stick to weather.

I also think it’s the comparison thing. It’s not just saying “oh your figure is really nice” it’s saying “you look better than before - before you didn’t look good.” I wouldn’t compare, just make a positive comment. You can still tell someone who’s lost weight that they look really ncie if that’s what you mean, just don’t go on about how they look better than when they were fat. Or thin. Or whatever.

And again with this you wouldn’t say “oh your nails looks so much nicer now they’re painted!” You’d just say “I love your nail colour”.

Definitely, comparisons are out. There's just no need for anybody to make personal assessments of any other woman (and it is always women).

The issue is why are people so obsessed with weight, it’s so boring!!! My weight is the least interesting thing about me and I’d hope it is about anyone or you’re a right boring bastard. Isn’t standard now for people that comment is oh I don’t diet or weigh myself I think it’s boring.

Yep. I also have a problem with the universal assumption that all women are trying to lose weight.